


Truth, Lies, and Wedding Cake

by Milky_Boy_Blue



Series: Second Summer [9]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Adventure, Comedy, Drama & Romance, F/M, Family, Friendship, Gen, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Love, Magic, Truth Serum, Weddings, end of summer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:20:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 63,659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25228975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Milky_Boy_Blue/pseuds/Milky_Boy_Blue
Summary: Dipper and Mabel's second summer in the bizarre town of Gravity falls is coming to an end.  But before that happens, they must deal with the most important adventure of the summer: Soos and Melody's wedding!  There will be laughter, tears, and a few surprises in store for the Mystery Shack Crew as the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head, threatening to put a damper on the momentous occasion.
Relationships: Dipper Pines & Ford Pines & Mabel Pines & Stan Pines, Dipper Pines & Mabel Pines, Jesus "Soos" Alzamirano Ramirez & Stan Pines, Jesus "Soos" Alzamirano Ramirez/Melody, Pacifica Northwest & Dipper Pines, Wendy Corduroy & Dipper Pines
Series: Second Summer [9]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1243745
Comments: 54
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

_Author's Note: If you're new to my series and were just drawn to this story by the summary - go away! No, seriously, this is the season finale or whatever. It doesn't matter how good I write this story, you'll just be confused if you haven't familiarised yourself with my other work and the AU I've been building. You'll have no idea what the characters are talking about, who that person is, or why they're acting like that. Start at the beginning because it's the simplest of my stories and if you don't like that then you probably won't like any of my other stuff. (Philistines...)_

_Anyone who's stuck with me this far - thanks for staying! This has taken over a year longer than expected to get to (I blame everyone else everywhere) but I'm hoping this story will be a satisfying conclusion to the Mystery Twins' Second Summer. And if it isn't, it's all your fault!_

_No, not my other readers. YOU._

_You know what you did!_

_The rest of you are alright, though._

_All joking aside, stay safe out there! Hopefully, together, we'll get through it._

_-Milky Boy Blue_

* * *

"Now, the ceremony begins with the Groom and best man at the front," the priest explained to the waiting families. "The best man pays the organist for the church fees on behalf of the groom-"

"Nobody mentioned that to me!" Stan protested, only to be silenced by a sharp slap from Abuelita.

"-Before they join the groom right...here."

Stan rubbed his arm and grumbled but stood up from the front pew and went to where the priest was pointing.

"Now, the groomsmen shall be waiting outside where they'll wait for the bride's party to arrive. We play the prelude music-"

The organist tapped a few keys; a jovial tune to help ease their nerves.

"Yes, something like that. We can discuss if there's any particular tunes you would like. The families and friends are seated - hers to the left, his to the right - with parents and close family on the first pew, other family and friends on the second, and guests behind them."

Ford waved from the first pew, Abuelita beaming at her grandson beside him, looking as happy as if it were her own wedding. 

"The Matron of Honour and bridesmaids arrive with the bride just before the ceremony starts and meet up with the groomsmen at the church entrance."

"We'll try not to make you wait too long!" Mabel called from the entrance of the church, cupping her hands around her mouth. An unnecessary action since there was no crowd to shout over. "We only need long enough to look beautiful!"

"A few hours, then," Dipper grinned, earning a slight chuckle from Wendy and a playful punch from his sister.

The priest smiled. "Once the bride is at the door, the bridesmaids tend to give a last-second check to make sure there's nothing too amiss. Though I can promise you, even if there is, I've seen worse. Stains, rips, bird and dog droppings, vomit one unfortunate afternoon, even blood. What matters isn't how you look, it's who you're meeting at the end."

"Thanks," said Melody, giving him a shy smile. "Knowing our luck, something's bound to happen. But you're right, this is all about Soos and me."

 _"Uh-huh,"_ Soos croaked, sweating like a man being interrogated under threat of torture, wiping at his brow as large stains slowly formed at the neck, armpits and back of his t-shirt, glad he'd chosen something loose but wishing he'd picked something darker.

His perspiration only worsened as 'Here Comes the Bride' played, Ford helping Abuelita to her feet as Dipper and Mabel made their way down the aisle, their arms linked. Dipper stood tall and tried to look as dignified as possible as opposed to his sister, who was waving vigorously at the non-existent crowd, occasionally blowing a kiss. Wendy was behind Dipper, her elbow extended to link with a bridesmaid who wouldn't arrive until tomorrow. Soos had been worried that Melody's family wouldn't be there for the rehearsal but Melody had eased his concerns by reminding him they'd all been to several weddings before and could probably do the procedure by heart now.

His heart pounded as the bridesmaid and groomsmen took up their positions, Dipper and Wendy leaving a space to represent Soos’ cousin Reggie, and they all turned to face Melody as she approached, dressed as casually as everyone else but still looking radiant. He licked his dry lips and wiped his brow again, terrified to think how much worse he'd be during the real thing. When she reached her spot and looked at him he flinched, as if caught in the act of committing a small crime.

"Then I'll begin a few introductory words for the congregation and the official ceremony begins," the priest explained. "About marriage, what I believe it represents, etc. If there's anything in particular you'd like me to say, just let me know and I'll throw it in. Then I'll ask if anyone present knows any reason why you shouldn't be married-"

"And then Wendy and I'll make them suffer," Mabel was quick to jump in, drawing her grappling hook.

"Mabel, you are not taking that to my wedding," Melody firmly stated.

"What? But it's a part of me! That's like asking Wendy not to bring her axe!"

"I've already asked her not to."

"Yep," Wendy sighed. "Gonna feel totally exposed but it ain't my wedding. Gotta listen to the bride, Mabes."

"Oh, poo," Mabel pouted, stuffing the tool back in her sweater. "Alright. But I'll rub this moment in your face if we end up needing it!"

"I think we're fairly safe," Ford reasoned. "I can't think of anyone with any reason to object. And if worst comes to worst, I'm sure we'll handle it."

"I suppose," Mabel grunted, though neither she nor Wendy looked any happier. 

"I'm sure everything will work out in the end," said the priest, who'd listened to the confessions of other Gravity Falls natives for decades and still managed to sport a positive attitude, somehow. "Now, after we check for objections, the couple read their vows. I know neither of you have finished them yet and that's fine, but if you can send me copies once you've done that. Nerves tend to cause lovers to stumble over their words and I can assist you in remembering them if necessary."

"Mm-hm!" said Soos, nodding gravely and looking as if he was barely remembering to breathe.

"Then I'll say a few more words, you'll repeat them, (again, I'll help if necessary) I'll take the rings from the best man-"

"Still think Waddles would have made an awesome ring-bearer," Mabel muttered bitterly. "Not his fault he kept eating the fake ones."

"I'll bless them, you'll place the bride's ring on her third finger of her left hand and repeat what I say-"

"Oh man, so much pressure!" Soos gasped, wiping his brow again.

"She'll do the same for you, and then I'll declare you husband and bride, you'll kiss, the register is signed, and we leave. To celebrate their marriage with a meal, a few embarrassing stories, probably worse dancing and-" the priest grinned -"hopefully some decent drink."

"Yay!" cried Wendy. "What?" she said when she received some looks. "Come on, I can pass for twenty-one! What's the worst that can happen?"

"Your dad or Mendez finds out, a scene is caused, you ruin the wedding, you spend time in jail and the rest of the year looking for a new job?" Dipper suggested.

Wendy crossed her arms. "Spoil-sport."

"I'm sure we'll keep you entertained somehow," Stan said. He elbowed the groom. "Relax, kid! We've got everything sorted. Even the bride's willing and eager!"

"Very willing and eager," Melody agreed.

"See! Don't worry so much, you've made one hell of a catch. Uh, heck. Heck of a catch," he quickly tried to amend himself as Abuelita threw him a look, glancing between her and the priest.

"One hell of a catch," the priest agreed, Abuelita turning her stern gaze on him.

"Uh-huh," Soos said, struggling to speak. "Yeah, I -Woof! - I know, dudes, I'm just like, uh, I mean, I, uh, we-"

"It's fine, Soos," Melody said, her smile unchanging even as she reached out and took his sweaty hand in hers. "That's why we're doing this, to have plenty of practice. Do you want to go through it again?"

Soos nodded desperately and she stood on tiptoe to kiss his cheek before walking back to the entrance, Dipper, Mabel and Wendy following, Stan clapped him supportively on the back . Soos let out a sigh and looked up at the murals above them, silently praying that nothing would go wrong. For Melody's sake if not his. 

* * *

Pacifica lay in bed in her pyjamas despite it being midday. A forearm lay over her eyes as if to shield them from the sunlight coming through the window. It was a nice day: sunny and warm with a decent breeze. It was the sort of day she'd love to spend beside the pool in her old home; reading a book or a stack of magazines, breaking up the chapters or articles by swimming or sunbathing. That was before they'd had to sell Northwest Manor. The summer home that had become the permanent residence for the Northwest family didn't have a pool.

Sure, she could just head to the public pool but there would be people there and she didn't want to be in a crowd. And if she really missed the old pool, there was little doubt in her mind that Fiddleford McGucket would let her come over and use it again if she wanted, generous as he was. But that would involve leaving the house and she didn't want to do that either. She didn't want to do much of anything.

There was a quiet knock at the door but she didn't respond. It opened a few seconds later, regardless, her mother entering with a small tray of tea and treats. "Hello, darling. How are you feeling?" 

"Fine," Pacifica lied. "Just tired."

"I see." Priscilla put the tray down and walked over to the window, trying to find some healing words in the outside world. "It's a lovely day. Why don't you go outside? You can come out to the garden with me? We can have tea and crumpets, just like we used to? You don't even need to change out of your pyjamas - wouldn't that be nice?"

"Father wouldn't approve," Pacifica grumbled, pulling her arm away to glare at the ceiling.

"Yes, well, he's at work so what do we care?" her mother joked, her mouth stretching in a grin that didn't look quite natural.

Pacific grunted and rolled onto her front, her head turned away from her and the window.

Priscilla hesitated for a moment before sitting on the bed. "I know you probably don't want to hear this right now but you'll get through it. As much as it hurts this moment, you'll feel better eventually. There's plenty more boys out there, especially for a girl like you."

Pacifica finally faced her. "Who told you?" she demanded.

Priscilla shrugged. "No one. They didn't need to. I had my heart broken a few times before I met your father. I didn't tell him!" she quickly added, seeing Pacifica open her mouth. "And he doesn't suspect anything, either." She gave a little chuckle. "No, he thinks you're this way because - because of another reason."

"That's because he's a boy," Pacifica grunted, taking her pillow and pulling it over her head. "And boys are stupid, selfish jerks who don't know anything."

Priscilla nodded as if in understanding, though in truth she felt very much out of her depth. She tried to think of what she had been like when she was Pacifica's age, what her parents had said to her when she'd been rejected. "Men can be...bloody idiots," she sighed at last, unpleasant memories coming back. "But I'm sure one day you'll find a good one. Look at my mother! She made several poor choices before she met your grandfather. And I made several poor choices too!"

"Until you found Dad?"

"...Y-yes! Exactly!"

Pacifica pulled her head out and gave her mother a look, not feeling very encouraged. Then she sighed and put her head down again, moving so it landed on her mother's lap, Priscilla freezing for a moment before brushing her hair in a robotic manner, hoping it would help. "He _is_ one of the good ones, Mom. I'm not mad at him. Not really. I'm just...it hurt, you know? It hurts so much. But he didn't want to hurt me. He even told me how much he cares about me, that it's because he isn't ready to date anyone and that maybe in a few years..." 

"I see. Then I'm glad in a way. It sounds as if you have far better taste in men than most girls your age."

Pacifica gave a small smile, the first that day. "Yeah. He's really special. He's sweet and kind and likes me for me." The smile vanished. "I just wish he didn't prefer _her_."

"Ah," said Priscilla, hearing her daughter's resentment and relieved to find something she could relate to. "Another girl. I know what it's like to desire someone only to have some tramp walk in and try and take him from you. Usually I'd have some sharp words for them or use my wiles to seduce the man faster, but there was one little tart who just wouldn't take a hint until I convinced her to stay out of my way."

"Really? How did you do that?"

"I dragged her into the bathroom by her hair, slammed a toilet seat on her skull until she lost consciousness and then dunked her face in the bowl as a warning to every other girl in my dorm."

Pacifica turned a little to look up her mother, Priscilla's fist clenched in victory as she smiled into the distance. "Um. Riiight. Yeah, I don't want to do that. And even if I did, she's, like, six foot and can beat up grown men?"

"That's why we bought you a taser, dear."

"She has an axe."

"Oh. Wait. Are we talking about that tall redhead you had that sleepover with but who destroyed your father's Rolls Royce?"

Pacifica frowned, wondering when she’d had a sleepover with Wendy Corduroy. Then she recalled when three old women had hired Jenna Myles to take over their bodies, the one in Wendy’s body staying the night after witnessing Manly Dan preparing dinner. “Oh, right. Yep. That’s my rival.”

"I...see," Priscilla said. "On second thought, maybe you shouldn't confront her. You're a very capable girl, Pacifica, but I've seen her father from a safe distance and you have to wonder how much she's inherited from him."

"A lot. Relax, I won’t attack her or anything. I'm sad, not suicidal. But I don't know what to do about Dipper," she admitted quietly. "I want him to feel the same way I do. But he doesn't and I have no idea how to make him like me. Or if I even should. Maybe it'd be better if I moved on. But I can't help wondering if one day he'll change his mind about her. About me. And what if he can't? He's liked her for even longer than I've liked him."

Priscilla let out a small breath from her nostrils, looking down at her daughter in pain, reaching out to her for comfort and felt a little ache inside at not knowing how to help her. She had been very different from her daughter, growing up. Angrier and less-forgiving. She hadn't been much of a mother, she knew that better than anyone even if it was a lesson she'd learned too late. But she had to try because she didn't want to resort back to the kind of woman who called on a nanny whenever her daughter skinned her knee or chastised her for crying when she was frightened or alone.

"This...wedding," she said thoughtfully, after a little while had passed. "This other girl will be there too?"

"Well, yeah," Pacifica said. "She's a friend of the family. She’s going to be up beside the groom."

"And do you know what kind of dress she'll be wearing?"

Pacifica looked at her, confused. "She's not wearing a dress. She's wearing a suit."

"Ah," said Priscilla, smirking. "Excellent. In that case I think this wedding will create a golden opportunity for you."

"What do you-"

"You are an exceptionally beautiful girl, Pacifica," her mother told her. "You’ve developed a bit from last year, so we’ll need to go shopping for something that will fit you better and help catch the eye of the Pines boy. This girl might have nice hair and be rather fetching (in a working-class sort of way) but we can afford anything you want that’ll bring out your beauty even further. Certainly more than that tomboy."

Pacifica hesitated, noticing that her mother had become suddenly excited by the prospect and unwilling to dampen her mood but not sharing her optimism. "I don't know, Mom. Dipper isn’t really the type of boy to change his mind about a girl just because she dresses nicer and I don't think-"

"This isn't about that," Priscilla interrupted. "This is about you. A wedding is like a party and the Pacifica I know loved parties. Plenty of boys will want to dance with you and you always were an amazing dancer, you didn't care who with. This is the perfect opportunity to show off. Maybe you’ll get to dance with that special someone. And even if you don’t, you’ll at least prove that you don’t need them to have a good time and to show them what they’re missing.”

Pacifica considered this. She did enjoy parties. Even now that she wasn’t demanding to be the centre of them or comparing them to the lavish ones at old Northwest Manor, she still liked them And she hadn’t had a chance to wear a dress since before Weirdmageddon. And maybe her mother was right and she would catch Dipper’s eye, even if it was only for a moment.

“Okay, Mom,” she said, sitting up and looking a little happier. “That does sound good.”

“Excellent!” Priscilla declared, clapping her hands and getting to her feet. “We can go shopping now? Or tomorrow if you’d prefer?”

“Today sounds good. Uh, give me twenty minutes to get ready and I’ll meet you downstairs?”

Priscilla kissed the top of her head before leaving. When the door closed, the smile on Pacifica’s face faltered. It did sound like a good idea and she was very happy that they’d be spending some time together. They hadn’t done it very often before they’d lost their fortune but she had enjoyed those rare occasions very much. She still didn’t think it’d completely numb the pain but she had to do something.

She quickly washed and dressed, drying her face and pausing at her reflection, wondering if they should also get makeup that might make her look more mature.

She cursed herself for thinking that. She was fourteen, she shouldn’t need to look mature. Why did she even want to in the first place, was it to be a little more like _her_ in the hopes of appealing to Dipper?

Her eyes fell on her phone and she ground her teeth as she resisted the urge like she’d been doing every night since the clones had left.

She knew she shouldn't do it. That she was pouring salt in the wound. But, just as she had every other time she tried to warn herself against it, she pulled out her phone and stared miserably at the picture that caused her so much distress, The one that she couldn’t force herself to delete.

Her mouth tightened as she stared at the image of Wendy's clone pressing her lips against Dipper’s, a part of her hating herself for looking at the image again and causing the ache in her heart. A smaller part of her hated him for not resisting, even if he looked too shocked to really enjoy the moment. Mostly, she just hated Wendy for doing that to him in the first place, even if it was a paper copy.

She angrily flung her phone aside and jumped back in bed fully dressed, gathering her covers up tightly and rolling around until she was in a warm cocoon, kicking herself and the sheets in her anger.

Why was she doing this to herself? It wasn't the real Wendy, it didn't count! He'd even said that himself: it didn't mean anything, just a burst of emotion that made her react in an unexpected way. Everyone could get over-excited and make a mistake!

_Was it a mistake?_

Of course it was! She wasn’t interested! She’d even said so herself! Several times!

_Then why on the lips, even if it was a clone?_

Pacifica growled, and clutched her head as if trying to claw that thought out, only for it to sink in deeper and multiply like some poisonous parasite or bacteria.

 _If she's meant to be cool under pressure, why d_ _o it in the first place? Who thinks of something like that in the spur of the moment?_

_Look at how she treats him, different from all the others, are you sure there’s nothing more to it?_

_You saw how she looked at the future-Dipper when he said goodbye! And she saw him again in Jenna’s love mist - what if that was just the start of something?_

Pacifica flung the covers off with a snarl, hating the intrusive thoughts and the stings they left in her heart. But try as she might, she couldn't shake them and she recalled what her mother had said about the satisfaction of defeating her rivals, realising they had more in common than she first thought.

She picked her phone off the floor and made a call, waiting impatiently for an answer.

“Hi, Gideon. Listen, I need you to help me out with something. Are you free tomorrow?” she asked, a part of her wondering if she was making a mistake, ignoring the voices that told her she was.

* * *

"Looks like a nice day, sure you want to spend all of it inside?" Phil asked as he walked her to the arcade from the parking lot.

"I'm sure," Pacifica said, the leash of the Northwest family dog, Duchess, in one hand. "I'm going to teach Gideon some games and walk to Greasy's after."

 _"Hn."_ Phil hadn't tried very hard to hide his disapproval of Gideon Gleeful, despite Pacifica's defence of her new friend. But he'd stopped outright insulting him so there was some improvement. 

They'd come to a decent arrangement to give Pacifica some freedom while also letting Phil fulfil his position as bodyguard. He drove Pacifica to wherever she needed to go but didn't accompany her inside unless she requested it or if he thought it was necessary, instead going for a walk nearby or sitting in the car reading a book or writing his reports to the future or a letter to his daughter. He especially liked doing so in Greasy's where he could watch over Pacifica without getting in her way, appreciating the way she made his tea as he wrote or read.

The only conditions he'd been firm about was that he'd join her at or remove her from any situation if he suspected danger, and that she updated him whenever she changed locations. Which was why she was lying to him right now, ignoring the guilty knot in her stomach.

"Why, hello, Mister Pink and Pacifica," Gideon greeted them from the entrance of the arcade, dressed as usual in a smart blue suit. "Such a lovely day, isn't it?"

"Hey, Gideon," Pacifica said, keeping her voice warm but narrowing her eyes slightly at his attire.

"Gleeful," Phil grunted. He turned to Pacifica, taking the leash from her hand. "Call me if you need anything. I'll be in the park walking Duchess and meet you at Greasy's. Got your phone, wallet and taser?"

"Yes," Pacifica sighed, fed up going through the same routine every time he left her to her own devices.

"Uh-huh. And what do you do if you're in a bad situation and I'm not there?"

Pacifica rolled her eyes. "Scream for help and go for the throat and eyes."

Phil gave her a stern look. "And if it's a boy?"

Pacifica glared at him, glancing at Gideon and turning pink. "Be-...between the legs," she muttered, looking at the sidewalk.

"Good girl," Phil said, finally relenting and rubbing the top of her head. "Teach them not to cross you."

"Stop messing up my hair!" Pacifica snapped, using both hands to push him away, only for Phil to then add a little more effort so it returned to its previous position, forcing her to push harder. This repeated a few times until Pacifica decided enough was enough. "Leave me alone!" she screamed, stamping her foot in frustration as she pushed his hand away again. "Go walk my dog and I'll meet you at Greasy's later! God!"

"Ah, to be young and overly-emotional again, eh, girl?" Phil sighed, shaking his head and reaching down to pat Duchess affectionately, taking a rubber ball out of his pocket as he walked away. "Come on. Us oldies need some exercise."

Pacifica muttered something under her breath as he crossed the street, pulling out her handheld mirror and straightening her hair. She paused when she noticed Gideon's reflection smiling at her. "What?"

Gideon shrugged. "Nice to see you've made a friend."

Pacifica closed the mirror with a snap and a scowl but didn't respond. "Did you bring what I asked?" she said instead. "And is that what you're wearing?"

"They're over here," Gideon said, taking her past the arcade and to a nearby alley, pulling out a backpack and showing her what was inside. "And no, I'm not wearing a suit." He reached in and removed a t-shirt, boots and non-suit trousers. "Wait here, I'll go change," he told her, heading into the arcade.

Pacifica stuck her hands in her pockets as she waited, wondering if she was doing the right thing. Well, no, actually, she wasn't. The answer was obvious, even to her. But her fingers wrapped around her phone and she pulled it out, once again glaring at the image and feeling her blood boil even as her heart felt cold.

She quickly slipped it back in her pocket when she heard Gideon return. "Ready," the boy said, appearing beside her and wearing the backpack holding his neatly folded suit, dress shoes and what she’d requested he bring yesterday. He glanced at her, catching the look on her face and wondered if he'd had that same expression when he'd been rejected by Mabel and fearing his had been even worse. "Are you sure you want to do this?" he gently asked her. "There's still time to turn back. We can enjoy the arcade for real. Maybe do it some other time?"

Pacifica closed her eyes, wishing she was strong enough to take his advice. But the kiss was seared into the back of her eyelids too and her fists clenched. "I have to know, Gideon," she whispered, feeling too much like the old Pacifica to deserve someone looking out for her. "You don't have to come with me. You didn't even have to come this far. You can turn back now if you want - no hard feelings."

Gideon reached up and put a hand on her arm. "Us former-antagonists need to stick together," he said. "And besides, what are friends for?"

She smiled, a sad yet grateful smile despite her guilt. “Come on,” she told him, taking the backpack from him so he wouldn’t be burdened further. “The sooner we get this over with, the better.”

And together they walked into the woods, both knowing they shouldn’t but doing it anyway for the sake of love and friendship, as noble and selfish as that was.


	2. Chapter 2

"I reckon we're just outside their territory," Gideon said as they walked through the woods. "Only had a couple of encounters with them so can't say for certain."

"Surprised you didn't try to recruit them," Pacifica said, keeping an eye out for tiny, bearded people. "Thought you would have liked having an army of idiots at your disposal?"

Gideon scoffed. "There's idiots and then there's gnomes. Wouldn't trust them to tie my shoelaces let alone follow instructions. Heck, even Cipher once said they were too dumb for him to possess."

"What was it like?" she asked after a moment. "Working for him, I mean. Not that I'm judging!" she quickly added, catching his flinch. "He was basically an evil god and you were ten so I don't blame you. Especially not when Dad jumped at the chance to be his henchman," she added bitterly.

Gideon was silent for so long that she started to wonder if he had any intention of answering such a personal question. "It was terrifying," he eventually said, his voice so small she barely heard him. "At first I thought I could use him to get to Mabel, the same way I used everyone. But I quickly realised how out of my depth I was, that I had to work for him or else he'd do to me what he'd done to everybody else. Worse even." He took a deep, slow breath, so pale he was almost shining. "I've done some bad things. Terrible things. Robbed and threatened and even tried to kill people on more than one occasion. But when I saw my first dead body - it taught me how awful that truly was. And what Bill did, before and after? I ain't never seen anything like that. I'm glad he's gone, I don't care if even Mabel in all her kindness forgave him like she forgave me. Death's too good for someone that cruel."

"Yeah," Pacifica quietly agreed, seeing her father deformed before her eyes and turned back again only to be turned to stone and taken away with her mother as her hometown burned. "Let's hope he stays that way."

"What do you mean?" Gideon asked, giving her a concerned look.

Pacifica hesitated, realising that no one must have informed Gideon about the Cipher Cult. Phil wanted the information to remain relatively quiet until he decided and checked with his superiors about who should know what. She didn't think he would have even told her parents if Axel hadn’t attacked her father to get to her. But Gideon had been part of the zodiac too and he deserved to know. In fact, it was likely that the only reason he didn't was because Phil hadn't spent any time with the boy or might have assumed someone else would have done it for him.

"Okay. You know how Phil's protecting me and that sometimes he says weird things? Well, there's a very good reason he talks like that and there's a very particular group he's protecting me from..."

"Huh," Gideon said when she'd finally finished. "Time travel. Thought I would've been more impressed by that."

"I think the fact their fascist ruler had a pacifier and wore diapers takes a little away from it."

"Probably. But a cult of maniacs wanting to kill us all in the hopes it'll bring Cipher back from the dead? Guess I won't be sleeping tonight."

"It is pretty scary. Especially when one teleports into your dad's office and holds him hostage."

"How'd she manage to do that if that temporal storm-thingy's meant to be blocking time travel?"

"Phil said there's some gaps in it - eye of the storm kind of thing. Actually, he said 'storm' isn't a perfect description but it's the best one they've got without going into temporal theories that haven't been invented yet. Think even Ford and McGucket might struggle with understanding those. Anyway, part of the reason he’s here is to scan for these gaps and send reports to the future so they can block access through them from there. Then. But there's bound to be a few anomalies to the past or future every now and then and it's a race between the Cult and the future time cops to get to them first."

"A race against time to find places to time travel from, huh? It would almost be funny if we weren't in so much danger."

Pacifica shrugged. "Phil's really good at his job and has a lot of faith in the TPAES. His daughter's even training to be one, following in his footsteps. And he did say there should only be a couple of these anomalies or temporal bubbles a year, if that. When the storm fades in about a decade, they'll be able to guard all of Gravity Falls forever."

"Easy for you to say," Gideon muttered. "You've got a cyborg watching your back while the others have each other to rely on."

Pacifica looked at him. Sometimes she forgot that, despite the way he dressed, his impressive intelligence and the way he spoke, Gideon Gleeful was only eleven, still not as old as Mabel and Dipper had been when they'd faced death that first summer. And they'd always had each other, while he'd spent so long with no one.

"Hey," she said, nudging him with her hip while they walked. "Phil might be moody but he'll protect anyone. Hell, he even saved Dad from Axel and he _really_ hates him. Even more than Wendy! And so would the others. They wouldn't have given you an invite to the wedding if they weren't willing to let you in."

"I suppose," Gideon said, looking happier, but only just. He shifted uncomfortably. "Do you think...Mabel might be willing to dance with me? Even once?"

Pacifica hesitated, thinking about Mabel and the type of boys she liked; older, tall, muscular and handsome . She thought about Gideon; eleven years-old, average-height, round, sort-of cute in a baby-like way.

"I think she should. Ask her anyway. She should see how important it would be to you and she's a nice person. You've come a long way from the boy you used to be and that should be rewarded."

"Huh," said Gideon, standing up a little bit straighter. "You think so? That does make me feel better. And I think Dipper Pines is smart enough to see all that about you too," he added as they pushed aside some bushes to reveal the first gnome of the day.

Jeff let out a surprised yelp and jumped from his relaxing squirrel bath as the two humans let out cries of disgust. "Ah! What are you doing, sneaking up on somebody like that?"

"What are _we_ doing? What are _you_ doing?" Pacifica demanded, gesturing to the woodland critters scurrying around him. "You know what, never mind, I don't want to know."

"Hey, this is a perfectly normal and definitely not morally ambiguous or creepy things for us gnomes to do!" Jeff snapped, turning suspiciously red.

Pacifica shared a look with Gideon, the de-facto gnome leader's deception obvious even if they hadn't been expert liars. "I don't want to get into this right now," she sighed. "Listen, we're looking for one gnome in particular. You tell us where he is and we'll leave you to do...whatever this is. His name's Frank, dark beard, really hairy, clothes are a bit tattered, likes to hang around fairies?"

Jeff frowned. "Oh. Him. The freak with the weird thing for butterflies," he said, patting one of the squirrels running over his naked body. "What do you want with him?"

"Our business is our own, can you help us or not?" Gideon said before Pacifica had to answer.

Jeff scratched his chin, an insidious smile on his face. "Maybe I can. But what's in it for me? Us gnomes have been searching for a queen for a long time now. At least a week! But now I have two probably beautiful young girls-"

_"I am not a girl!"_

"You sure?" Jeff cocked his head to the side. "I mean, I remember how soft your skin was and you're much prettier than this other one-"

"Is not!" Pacifica snapped.

"But I suppose you'd know whether you are or not," Jeff continued, ignoring their indignant glares. "But the point is we need a queen, you need a gnome. If neither of you want to do it, you can go fetch us someone else. She needs to be beautiful and have very long hair. Beards are a plus but you human ladies seem to get upset when we compliment you on those for some reason."

Gideon unzipped the backpack Pacifica was wearing. "We'll give you a bag of mushrooms and some chocolate coins."

"Hot-diggity, you've got a deal!" Jeff cried, leaping out of the tub, much to their displeasure. He stuck two fingers in his mouth and blew a shrill whistle. A second later, a couple of gnomes stuck their heads out of a bush and Jeff spoke to them in what must have been Gnomish.

"I'm beginning to regret coming out to help you," Gideon muttered, throwing the items at the gnome.

"I know," Pacifica sighed as they averted their eyes while a happy Jeff changed. Then she paused as a thought occurred. "Hey, Jeff? You're pretty much the gnome leader without a queen, right? So you should know almost every gnome out here?"

"Most of them," Jeff agreed, tugging on his boots. "It's a bit hard since we keep dying and making more but I'm pretty well informed. Why?"

"Have you ever heard of a gnome named Biff? Maybe an outcast who likes magic?"

Jeff frowned at her. "We've at least three Biffs, I think? Baby Biff, Old Biff and Even Older Biff? Used to have So Old He's Nearly Dead Biff. But he died. Not sure how. Anyway, I know all the elders, magicians and potion-brewers and none of them or their apprentices are called Biff. Why do you want to know?"

"Name I heard one time and wanted to check," Pacifica said, keeping her voice casual despite her relief. "It's nothing important."

"Alright then," Jeff shrugged, struggling to dress while Gideon gave her a curious look.

But before he could say anything, Frank stepped out of a bush, looking surprised to see them. "Well if it ain't the Blonde Devil and her Not-Lover. What can I do you for?"

"Don't - don't call him that," Pacifica growled, holding up a warning finger.

"What? Your Not-Lover? Well, ain't he? You seemed to get mighty riled when I called you lovers last time - oh!" He nodded suddenly, giving a broad, toothy grin. "I get it. You decided to give it a try, huh? Glad to hear it - had a good feeling about you two. You'd make beautiful babies."

There was a strange creaking noise as the muscles in Pacifica's neck fought against her spine, her head tilting in an eerie way as she stared at the gnome, one eye twitching dangerously. 

"We need your help!" Gideon quickly said before someone died. "We know you're friends with the fairies - and I read a way to turn some fairy dust into a truth serum. Do you have any we can use?"

"I might," Frank said doggedly, scratching his beard and glancing at Jeff. "Course, that dust is pretty hard to come by for most gnomes. What's in it for me?"

"You want to get back at that tall girl who got you arrested, right?" Gideon said. "This potion will cause her a heap o' trouble. Sound good?"

Frank narrowed his eyes. "That does sound good. But she's also mighty fierce with that axe of hers and I'd need something more than revenge to risk her temper."

"You were willing to risk that and more when it came to that magic gem fiasco," Gideon sharply reminded him. "What's changed?"

"I was gonna use them gals to get me what I wanted. Seemed worth the risk. But you want my help, you gotta make it worth my while."

Gideon sighed and reached into the backpack again.

"Not here!" Frank hissed, glancing at Jeff, who was watching them carefully. "It ain't legal in this part of the woods," he explained in a quiet voice. He looked around before motioning them to follow, only turning back to them when they'd reached a safe area. "Alright, give me my lovies!" he cried, reaching out with outstretched arms, his hands clasping in excitement.

Gideon and Pacifica stared at him. Then, together, they turned to look at Jeff, only ten metres away.

"Are you serious?" Pacifica demanded. "You barely moved! Aren't you worried about him seeing us?"

"Why would I?" Frank asked, looking genuinely puzzled.

"Because you just said what we were about to do is illegal in this part of the woods!"

"No, I said it was illegal in that part of the woods. Perfectly legal over here."

"But you took, like, ten steps!"

"Yep, into this other part of the woods," Frank said, gesturing to the trees around them. He turned to Jeff. "You get what she's so antsy about?"

Jeff shrugged. "Humans. Who understands anything they do?"

"Agh! Forget it!" She slung the backpack of her shoulders and pulled out the jar to show him. "Give us the powder and it's yours."

Frank reached into his beard and practically flung a bag of the sparkling substance at her before snatching the jar. He let out a frantic giggle, his eyes wide as he stared at the butterflies inside. Then he opened the jar and held it to his face so they flew towards him.

When their tiny wings hit his beard he dropped the jar, his manic grin threatening to split his face in two while his body convulsed in pleasure as his back arched, occasionally making a sound that fell somewhere between a chuckle and a moan as his eyes rolled into the back of his head until only white showed, his breathing coming in rapid, throaty gasps as his mouth frothed.

Pacifica clamped a hand over Gideon's eyes and pulled the pre-teen away from the disturbing sight, wishing someone else was there to do the same to her as she found herself unable to tear her own eyes away. 

"Whoo!" Frank panted, snatching the butterflies with ease and delicately returning them to the jar after far too long. "Them's good butterflies! Ain't had my face tickled like that in a long time!" He wiped the spittle from his mouth with the back of his hand and turned to the humans, nodding approvingly. "You sure know how to pick 'em! You ought to be proud of the work you did, here."

"I feel no pride in what I've enabled you to do," Pacifica whispered, unwilling to take her hand away from Gideon in case there was more yet to come.

"I'm off to make the most of these fellas," Frank said, putting the jar under one arm. "Y'all take care of yerselves!" he cried, giving the humans pair a last thankful wave before scampering away.

"That gnome has no decency," Jeff muttered, stuffing a squirrel down the front of his pants. "Welp, pleasure doing business, you know where to find us if you need anything else," he said, tipping his hat to them before gathering his mushrooms and chocolates and walking away.

Pacifica finally pulled her hand away from Gideon's eyes, shifting sheepishly as the boy glared at her. "Gnomes,” she said, attempting a light-hearted chuckle. “What are they like?”

“I've seen some pretty messed up things living in this here town, Pacifica Northwest, but what these here gnomes were doing was rival to almost anything I've seen the townsfolk do!"

"Oh, God, Gideon, I am so sorry!" Pacifica cried, clutching his shoulders desperately. "I swear, I had no idea this would happen! I thought you might get injured or that I was endangering your life at most, but I didn't expect - _this!_ I'm pretty sure I can go to jail for bringing someone your age into this situation! Please don't tell anyone what you saw?”

He continued to glare at her before seeing how disturbed she looked, and she had at least tried to shield him from the worst of it. "Oh, alright," he sighed, relenting a little. "But you owe me bigtime for tarnishing my innocence like this!" he quickly added.

"Oh, I definitely do," Pacifica instantly agreed. “Do...do you want to go back?” she asked tentatively.

Gideon let out a sigh. “Nah. I’ve come this far and I may be tempting fate by saying this but I sincerely doubt things can get much worse than what we just witnessed. Where to next?”

She gave him a warm pat on the shoulder, knowing that she wouldn’t have stuck by her friends like this when she was his age. She probably wouldn’t have agreed to come in the first place. “We’re going to the Corduroy house. Do you think you can make up the stuff on the way?”

“I suppose,” Gideon said, turning her so he could reach in the backpack and remove some items. “Might need to stop a few times for the odd bit but I’ll let you know when that happens.”

Gideon worked as they walked, Pacifica leading them to their target. “How did you find out where Wendy lives anyway?” he asked along the way. “Thought Dipper was the only one who’d visited her place since her family’s so paranoid about the government finding them. You didn’t stalk Dipper, did you?” he asked suspiciously.

“No! I’m not that obsessed! I followed the mailman until he led me to it.”

“You...stalked the mailman so he could lead you to the home of your crush's crush?” 

“I didn’t stalk him!” Pacifica snapped. “I just wanted to know where she lived so one morning I went for a walk and decided to see where his route led him.”

“Uh-huh,” said Gideon, wondering how long she’d been planning something like this and doing the mental maths on the amount of time it would take someone to get from Pacifica’s home on the outskirts of town to where she was leading them, which also seemed to be the outskirts, albeit in the opposite direction. “And during this walk, did you happen to be waiting in the bushes until he came by, dressed all in black and then followed at a distance where he couldn’t see or hear you?” 

“No! I was...shut up! That’s none of your business!”

Gideon shook his head as he used a mortar and pestle to grind the ingredients. “I’m starting to see my interactions with Mabel in a whole new light.”

She would have smacked him if he didn't have a point. And wasn’t holding the dust.

When they arrived, Gideon was more than a little surprised to see the condition of the Corduroy cabin. It definitely looked like the kind of cabin a lumberjack would build for himself, but he expected it to be larger. There only seemed to be one floor and it didn’t look very big for a family of five, and definitely not tall enough for someone of the lumberjack’s height. Then again, he had once heard from his parents that Manly Dan had once been Boyish Dan and used to be shorter than his father (though Bud Gleeful was by no means short) so perhaps he’d built it in his younger days before he’d started a family?

The place didn’t look very tidy either; the whole building covered in moss, a run down camper van to the side (also covered in moss), several axes and even a few bear traps scattered around, the area littered with stumps, many with axes lodged in them, and almost every tree having been chopped or sawn, some even halfway through, while all of them bore the scars of axe strikes or dents that must have come from Manly Dan’s fists.

“God, this place looks even worse in the daylight,” Pacifica muttered, stepping over a snare and pulling Gideon away from another. “And look at all these! Place is a freaking death-trap, lucky I didn’t kill myself.”

“The nerve of some people. No consideration for the safety of strangers creeping around outside their home.”

“Urgh, there’s her room,” Pacifica growled, nodding to a side window and ignoring his tone. “Finished it yet?”

“You even peeked in their windows?” he asked incredulously, passing her the complete mixture.

“Yes, and do you know what I saw?” she hissed, slipping off the backpack for the last item she’d asked him to bring: a box of expensive chocolates. “She has a quilt! With pine tree symbols, Gideon. Pine trees!”

“Um, okay,” Gideon said, confused and a little scared by the rage this seemed to instil in her. “So?”

“So?” Pacifica grabbed him and pulled him up until he was on tiptoe, their faces so close their noses almost touched. “That’s what Bill called Dipper! It was his symbol on the zodiac! It’s bad enough she’s got his damn hat, now I find out she’s got his symbol all over her _bed?_ Where she _sleeps?”_

Gideon swallowed at the look in her eyes, trying to pull away. “Pacifica, I think you need help. And that’s me sayin’ that so you know you should be concerned. The Professor's out of jail now, perhaps you should give her a call later?”

Pacifica grunted and let him go, the pre-teen falling on his large rump. “Boys. You don’t understand anything.” She gently undid the ribbon on the box, opening it and sifted the sparkly powder over them, making it look for all the world as if they were sprinkled with a colourful sugar before reapplying the lid and ribbon. “Wait here,” she instructed him.

She crept towards the house, keeping her head low and her eyes peeled for any redheads. She reached into her pocket for a fake envelope which she attached to the chocolates, raising the flag with a smirk. Then she jumped out of skin as a thunderous voice rang out.

“WENDY! Move yer butt, it’s time to go.”

Pacifica dashed back to Gideon, leaping over a beartrap on the way. “Wait, _that_ was your big-?” the alarmed boy tried to say before she shushed him and dragged him behind a tree just in time as the front door opened. 

Pacifica peered over around the side of the tree, watching with bated breath as her nemesis and her father left their home. She clenched her fist, seeing them heading to the truck and fearing they’d fail to notice her little gift only to give a quick sigh of relief as Wendy stopped and pointed at the mailbox and said something to her father, who shrugged in response.

Pacifica ducked back behind the tree as she saw them draw near, listening as to the crunch of leaves and twigs under their feet until the mailbox was opened with a rusty creak.

“Huh,” she heard Wendy say. “It’s a box of chocolates and a letter. For me? Let’s see here…” There was the sound of tearing paper. “‘From your secret admirer, hope you enjoy them.’ Bit lame, not very original. Still, better than poetry.”

Pacifca heard Wendy’s father grunt in his deep, loud voice. “Guy’s gonna be disappointed since you still ain’t dating anybody till you’re no longer grounded. Any idea who it could be so you can tell them that?”

“Can’t think of anyone in particular. Chocolate looks a bit pricey, though, that’s good. Want one?”

Pacifica’s head shot up, a cold chill running through her.

“Nah, look too fancy for my liking. You eat those, you better make sure you tell this guy how much you appreciate them when you turn him down!” he warned her.

Pacifica let out a relieved breath at his response, then winced at the sound, covering her mouth.

“Yeah, yeah,” Wendy sighed, the twigs crunching underfoot as they walked away. “You never know, maybe he’ll be really sweet and patient and be willing to wait until I can date again.”

Dan answered with a grunt that showed his scepticism.

Pacifica allowed herself a wicked grin as she heard the truck doors open, clenching a fist as the thrill of victory coursed through her and she dreamed of Wendy’s suffering once the truth serum hit her lips.

“Anyway, I’m sure the gang’ll enjoy them.”

Pacifica’s face fell harder and faster than the day her mother told her they could only afford one pony, staring into the distance as the truck rumbled past, carrying her target and her contaminated cargo. “Oh, I think I've made a mistake.”

Gideon looked at her expression and shook his head in furious disappointment. “You think? What kind of villain were you?”

Pacifica shook her head clear, still numb but his anger confusing her enough to bring her out of the stupor. “What?”

“That was your big plan?” he snapped. “Chocolates? I thought they were just a little something to snack on during the journey, I would never have agreed to this if I knew your scheme was that dumb!”

“Hey, shut up!” Pacifica hissed, glad she could turn her fear into anger. “Have you seen the way she eats? I’m amazed the rest of her isn’t as fat as her butt, how was I supposed to know she’d give some of them to her friends?”

“Because that’s what friends do, you idiot!” he screamed. “Even I know that and I never had any!”

“I’m still struggling to understand shawring, alright! It’s a very recent concept for me!”

Gideon stared at her. “Did - did you just mispronounce ‘sharing’? Wow. That explains a whole heckuva lot about your family. How’d you manage that?”

“I had a very spoiled childhood!” Pacifica snapped, getting defensive.

“I literally threatened to sell my own parents!” Gideon snapped back, his anger returning. “How could you have been more spoiled than me?”

“Well, what would you have done, Mister Villain Extraordinaire?” Pacifica demanded, changing the subject. “If you’re so smart, how would you have slipped her the powder?”

“I’d have used my brain and crept in at night or in the morning and slipped it in her water or breakfast! Not in something she was bound to ‘shaw-er’ with her friends - _especially not the day before the wedding!”_

“Oh yeah, slip into the house of the axe-wielding amazon and her muscle-bound brothers, great idea, genius! Why didn’t I think of that? Wait, that’s right - it’s because I don’t have a death wish!”

They panted and glared at each other, furious with themselves and each other for not stopping the plot before it reached this point.

“Oh, God,” Pacifica groaned, slumping down against the tree, dropping her head into her hands and drawing her legs up to her chest. “What have I done? I only wanted her to get hit, I didn’t want to drag anyone else into this! Not only have I failed at being a good person, I’ve even failed at being a bad one again! I’m such a screw-up.”

Gideon continued to glare at her for a moment. Then he saw the distress she was in and those feelings disappeared to be replaced by something better, even if they made him feel worse. 

“Hey,” he gently said, kneeling down beside her and putting a hand on her shoulder. “You’re not a screw-up. I’m sorry for what I said. You’re right, my plan was too dangerous. Heck, I tried sneaking into the Shack once and Stanley came at me with a broom! I doubt the Corduroys would’ve been that gentle. Poisoning the chocolate was the smarter scheme.”

“Really?” Pacifica asked, peeking through her fingers. “Thanks, Gideon, that’s nice of you to say. But I should have told you what I was planning. You were Dipper and Mabel’s greatest foe until Bill showed up - you would’ve given me fantastic advice on what to do.”

“I was a formidable adversary, wasn’t I?” Gideon chuckled. “Though you were no slouch yourself. I think we could have done great things together. It’s a shame for us and a blessing for the world that we didn’t join forces earlier.”

She gave a half-hearted smile at his words. Then the moment faded and she hit the back of her head on the trunk. “What have I done?” she whispered. “If I’ve messed up this wedding I’m as good as dead to Dipper and Mabel. What am I going to do?”

“There’s only one thing you can do,” Gideon told her, his voice gentle yet firm.

“You’re right,” Pacifica said, the reluctance clear on her face.

“You need to confess and ask them for forgiveness-”

“I need to steal those chocolates back before she gives them to anyone else and then slip her the truth serum!”

“Wait, what?” said Gideon, looking alarmed as Pacifica got to her feet, unhappy but determined. “No, that’s only gonna add fuel to the fire, we need to-”

“Come on!” Pacifica urged him, grabbing his wrist and breaking into a run as she pulled him towards town. “We need to get Phil to drive us if we’ve got any hope of getting there before work!”

“Why am I the voice of reason and moral goodness in this relationship?” Gideon demanded, receiving no answer as he struggled to keep the pace she was setting. “This is a very new experience for me and I don’t think I like it!”

They ran as fast as Gideon could manage back to the arcade. There, she pushed him into the boys bathroom to change back into his suit to avoid raising suspicion. The moment a still panting Gideon stepped out, she grabbed his wrist again and almost dragged him into the park where they thankfully found Phil in little time.

He was sitting on a bench and throwing the ball for Duchess, watching her run with simple enjoyment until he heard the running and turned to face his charge and her friend heading his way.

“Are you alright?” he asked, getting to his feet when he noticed their condition. “What is it, what’s wrong?”

“What? Nothing’s wrong, what could be wrong?” Pacifica forced out an unnatural laugh, breathing heavier than normal as the sweat ran down her flushed face, Gideon several steps behind her and clutching his side and gasping so hard it almost looked as if he’d been stabbed. “We just thought you might like to go to the Shack again? Get another gift for Mary?”

“What? Why would we go now?” asked Phil, made even more puzzled by the frantic speed and tone of her words.

Since taking on the role of bodyguard, the Mystery Shack had been one of their most frequent destinations. While Pacifica could spend time with Dipper and/or Mabel, Phil could browse the shop for souvenirs for his daughter or take a tour and take as many pictures of the exhibits as she wanted. She’d specifically asked him for a picture of Wendy Corduroy (preferably alongside Dipper) but he’d blatantly refused that suggestion, choosing to merely grunt and glare at the cashier instead, even when purchasing. But the last visit had been two days ago and he’d promised to only send one souvenir back a week to keep up the anticipation. 

“Well, you know, wedding tomorrow, might be closed for a few days after, gonna prepare for Dipper and Mabel’s birthday after, might be the last chance to get something for a while, won’t it!” Pacifica said, her words shooting out like machine gun rounds, Gideon’s hands on his knees as he tried not to vomit.

Phil narrowed his eyes, three decades of future-police work helping him detect the little details of the pair. The most obvious thing was they were breathing too hard and sweating too much, even if for some reason they’d ran all the way here. But there were other, more subtle things that stood out to him.

There was a backpack with them that he was sure hadn’t been there earlier that morning, something that looked like it was carrying a few bulky objects. Pacifica’s clothes were dirtier than they should have been from an arcade, especially the soles of her boots. Gideon’s clothes and shoes were as spotless as they'd been earlier, but he noticed a faint crease in the trousers and blazer, as if they’d been folded. Finally, their hairs - something they both took a ridiculous amount of pride in - were a little frazzled and unkempt and he thought he could even see a few twigs.

Phil leaned forward, practically tasting the guilt and fear wafting from them. “Sure,” he growled. “Let’s head to the Shack. See if Soos and Melody need any help for their big day, aye?”

Pacifica and Gideon said nothing, sharing a worried glance until the large Irishman stood up and marched to the car, the yellow dog running after him while the children sheepishly followed.


	3. Chapter 3

The somewhat secret door behind the vending machine swung open and Ford and Dipper stepped through to find the rest of the family in the shop, gathered at the counter. "What's going on?" Dipper asked. 

"Chocolates!" Mabel cried, stuffing three in her mouth at once. "Want one? There's plenty and we saved the ones you like."

"Thank you, don't mind if I do," Ford said, he and Dipper selecting their favourites. "These are delicious! Where did you get them?"

"Dunno," Wendy shrugged, reaching forward and taking another. "Found them in my mailbox. From a secret admirer."

"Secret admirer?" Dipper repeated, giving his remaining pieces a look. "Should we be eating these? They were meant for you and I don't think this guy-"

"They were given to me, meaning I can share them with whoever I want," she replied with indifference. Seeing that Dipper still looked reluctant, she shook her head. "Look, I'm not allowed a boyfriend for another couple of months, so it's not as if I can date whoever it is anyway. If I find out who he is, I'll tell him that and even if I don't like him, I can at least tell him I appreciated the chocolates. Besides, if I left them at home my brothers would have scarfed them all. This way, I get to share them with people I actually like."

"Makes sense to me," Stan grunted, wiping his mouth.

"You're just saying that because this way you get to eat them," Ford muttered.

"That too," Stan agreed.

"These are pretty good," Dipper said slowly, nibbling on his. "And I suppose it's okay if you're nice about it." He shrugged. "I'm just glad that you were all together for chocolates. For a moment there, I was worried that Mabel had come up with another last minute idea for the wedding."

"Hey, I thought you liked my ideas!" Mabel said, sounding a little hurt.

"No, I was just going along with them to avoid an argument," Dipper said. He blinked, looking slightly puzzled. 

"You have had a few unreasonable ideas, Pumpkin," Stan said in a gentler tone. "And Soos is already struggling with what we've got, we don't need to stress him out more, do we?"

"I suppose," Mabel muttered. "But I'm also still annoyed. I hate it when people criticise my artistic expressionism because in many ways I see it as a direct attack on myself, especially when it comes from my family, though I'm also uncomfortably aware that I should have more confidence in my work and should just accept that some people (especially Dipper, Mom, and Ford) don't understand it was well as I want them to, even if they still support my endeavours. Wow, I said a mouthful. Thought I only had one shot of Mabel Juice this morning?"

"Don't know how you can drink that stuff, Mabel," Soos admitted as the younger twins frowned. "I know I eat some junk that nobody else likes, but that stuff burned my eyes!" He held up the box to his very-soon-to-be-wife. "You not having any?"

"No," Melody said, looking at the chocolates longingly. "I haven't been sticking to my diet as much as I should have and I'm already worried about fitting in my dress."

"You could lose some weight," Wendy agreed.

"Wendy!"

"WOAH!"

"What the hey?"

"Not cool, dude!" Soos yelled, an affronted Melody beside him. "Not! Cool!"

"Oh, my God, I am so, so sorry!" Wendy said with wide eyes, her hands over her mouth. "I have no idea why I said that! I - I swear, I meant every word!" Her eyes bulged as the Pines family stared at her in shock, Soos looking angrier than anyone had ever seen him. "No! I didn't mean to say that! I think you look good - _hnh_ \- buuuu-" Wendy convulsed suddenly, her teeth bared and her jaw clenched, grabbing the counter as her back arched from the effort of trying to hold back the extra words, "-uuuuuut you'd look even better if you lost a few pounds!"

Wendy slumped onto the counter, panting heavily. She pulled her cap over her eyes and put her arms over her head as she felt the stares. "Please don't look at me. I just want the ground to open up and swallow me whole."

"The hell's wrong with her?" Stan demanded, turning to his brother. "Looked like she was having a kid!"

"Hey, shut up!" Wendy snapped, lifting the brim of her cap to glare at him. "I was trying my hardest to stop after good! And how the hell did that look like I was giving birth?"

"Trust me, you'd be surprised at the ways women can deliver. We've had a few unexpected customers join us in the Shack on occasion, so I know what I'm talking about," Stan grunted as Soos nodded, still giving Wendy a cold look.

"Sure, criticize my weight, but get defensive when someone compares your actions to childbirth," Melody muttered, Wendy pulling the cap down again.

"It's okay, Melody," Mabel said, patting her arm supportively while Dipper did the same to Wendy. "I think you look fine the way you are!"

"Totally!" Soos agreed as Wendy groaned. "I’m super hyped to see you in the dress! I’m just terrified that I’m going to totally mess it up since I really want to show how much I love you in my vows but haven’t finished them yet because it feels like my whole head goes explodey inside. Then I end up stuffing my face and feel guilty about it since you’ve tried so hard to stop eating that junk, even though I keep telling you I don’t care about that stuff and love you for you, not your looks! But I’m also glad that I’ve found a girl with a hefty appetite and would be sad if you went skinny ‘cause you’re way hotter this way and I can’t wait to see you in that bikini you bought for our trip to Mexico.”

“Aw!” said Mabel, tilting her head at him affectionately as Melody raised her eyebrows in a way that wasn’t entirely disapproving, the others sharing a few looks.

“I, uh, didn’t want to add that last part,” Soos admitted, sweating a little.

Stan put a supportive hand on his shoulder. “You’ll see more than that on the honeymoon.”

Mabel shook her head at her great-uncle as he flinched, Soos blushing as Melody gave him a filthy look. “What Soos said was kind of romantic and cute. You ruined it by going creepy, old man.”

“Alright, that does it,” Ford sighed. “It appears we’re all strongly compelled to tell the truth. Let’s confirm it.” He took a pen from a stack. “This pen is green. When I say ‘go’, I want everybody to say it’s a different colour. Any colour apart from green, okay? Go!”

There was a cacophony of people calling out the word green, some trying several times or struggling as they tried to resist the urge to tell the truth.

“Did anyone succeed in calling out a different colour?” Ford asked, putting the pen back. He looked around and saw only Melody raise a hand. “One person. So. What makes her the exception? What has she done differently or what have we all done that Melody hasn’t?”

As one, they all turned to the box of chocolates, Melody feeling very glad she’d stuck to her diet, despite what Soos had told her.

“Oh, come on!” Wendy cried, raising her hands in frustration. “I actually try to be nice and share for once and I end up poisoning my friends? What the hell?”

“Why today?” Soos groaned, pulling off his hat and running his fingers through his short hair. “Things were going so well! I don’t need anything to ruin this for Melody!”

“It’s not ruined, Soos,” Melody growled. “It’s...very annoying, sure, but there’s worse things that could have happened to us.”

“But what if this is just the beginning?” Soos wailed. “I see this happen all the time in anime! It starts off small, little jokes here and there as people say things they normally wouldn’t! Sure, it usually works out in the end and after a few ship-teases, misunderstandings and arguments, and can even end season-long rivalries or create new friendships, and plenty of characters end up being closer by the end, despite the trouble it caused, but they still blurt out things they don’t want other people to know!”

“Like what?” Melody asked without thinking, slapping a hand to her mouth too late.

“I was the one who broke Abuelita’s doll during the move, not Gompers!” Soos told her, dropping to his knees and grabbing her shoulders as the dark secret he’d been holding back for almost a year finally came out. “I didn’t mean to! It was an accident! But I couldn’t bring myself to tell her because she knows how much they creep me out! I couldn’t risk her disappointment if she didn’t believe me!” he wailed, tears streaming down his face.

“The first time I was allowed to babysit Dipper and Mabel, I ended up losing them in a store for over an hour!” Stan yelled. “I put them down to chat up this broad I was trying to impress by telling her I’d adopted them! When I found my glasses after she’d slapped them off, they were gone! They’d climbed to the top of the aisles and were trying to jump across! It took another twenty minutes to find all of Mabel’s clothes! I was so scared of their parents finding out, I didn’t even steal anything!”

“I once passed off one of Fiddleford’s mathematical equations as my own to another multiversal traveller!” Ford cried. “None of my own were impressing him! Do you have any idea what it’s like to be outclassed by a drunken sociopath who can barely string a cynically sarcastic sentence together without belching in your face?”

“I look at pictures of girls online!” Dipper blurted out, not even his titanium willpower able to fight the magic. “I know it’s wrong and I’m too young but I can’t help it!”

“I’ve been using Dipper’s toothbrush on Waddles for the last year!” Mabel wailed. “I always thought it was cute that Dipper has blue while I have pink and wanted to have that same bond with Waddles! But I couldn’t afford another because I always spent all my money on the snacks! Why do they put so many at the till? How’s a girl meant to resist?”

“I pick my nose and eat it!” Wendy exclaimed. “I keep telling myself it's out of convenience but sometimes I just want a salty snack!”

“Ew, even I've stopped doing that,” Mabel said, her face twisting in revulsion while the others blanched.

“Man, I am so glad clones don’t have boogers,” Dipper said to himself, sticking his tongue out in disgust as Wendy flinched. Then he rounded on his sister. “You’ve been cleaning _your_ pig’s mouth with _my_ toothbrush? What is wrong with you? Why didn’t you at least use your own?”

“‘Cause that’d be icky and I don’t want to have pig-breath like you do,” Mabel answered. “And you should know better than to look at pictures like that! If Mom finds out, Wendy and Pacifica are as good as dead!”

“Wait, what?” said Wendy.

“W-why would you think Pacifica’s in danger too?” Dipper stammered.

“It’s called a search history, genius! Look it up!”

“You lost the kids for an hour?” Ford was yelling at the exact same time. “They could have run out into the street or been taken to God-knows-where!”

“I made a mistake, alright?” Stan yelled back. “Both with the hottie and them! You’ll be happy to hear that slap was easily in my top worst hundred! And like you’d do any better? Remember what happened when Ma asked us to babysit the neighbour’s girl?”

“How was I supposed to know that was a real wolverine?”

“Alright, everybody quiet!” Melody shouted over the arguing and Soos’ crying. “Good grief, most brides get spots or hangovers but I get this,” she sighed, gently pulling herself out of her fiancé’s clinging grasp. “Soos - sweetie. It’s okay. Your grandmother loves you more than any doll. We’ll buy her a new one just like it to make up for the one you broke. We don’t have to tell her it was you if you don’t want to, but I’ll be there to hold your hand if you do.”

“You’d do that for me?” Soos asked, wiping his cheeks.

“Yes, because I love you,” she said, kissing his forehead. “And Stanley? Really? After all the things you’ve done - no, don’t tell me, I really don’t want to know - the first thing you think of is losing the kids?”

“Well, you know,” Stan said, shifting as he felt the eyes on them, Mabel’s small smile especially making him uncomfortable. “First time being responsible for them and stuff? Pretty scary experience. Wouldn’t be able to look myself in the eye if anything happened to them.”

“I think anyone who’s ever had to watch kids can agree how hard keeping tabs on them can be,” Melody said with a smile, Wendy nodding. “I know I’ve had my hands full watching my sister’s kids. And for what it’s worth, I think you’ve come a long way since then in being a good guardian.” She hesitated. “Mostly.”

“Compliment fell short a little at the end but I still can’t actually disagree with it,” Mabel grunted

“I’ll take it anyway!” Stan said proudly. “And I’ll try and do better if you and Soos ever have any!”

“I want seven kids!” Soos piped in.

“We’ll see how that goes,” Melody said in a way that made it clear that was a conversation for several years down the line. “And Ford, I think it’s safe to say that everyone here has embellished a little or taken credit for someone else’s work to impress somebody.”

“I haven’t!”

“Morally, you’re an angel, Soos, you don’t count.”

“Sweet!” he said, raising a fist in victory.

“But you really shouldn’t care what people like that think, especially not of you. You’re better than that and don’t need their approval.”

“You are right, I should learn to keep my hubris in check and focus on the accomplishments of those around me instead,” Ford agreed. “I should also stop trying to impress mass murderers from other dimensions. That never goes well.”

“Glad to hear it,” Melody said, clapping him on the shoulder before moving on.

“Please skip me?” Dipper pleaded, pulling the ushanka down hard over his head and wondering if he’d ever be able to look any girl in the eye again. “I - I know it’s weird and insulting to girls but I was curious and I kept telling myself that everybody else does it -”

“I'm not judging you, Dipper,” Melody gently told him. “Look, yes, you are a little young for that but - well - it’s a natural thing for a boy your age to think about. And you’re right, it’s very easy to do and everyone does it these days. Boys and girls,” she added, giving Wendy and Mabel a look.

“I have pictures of Phil, Sev’ral Timez, and Zac Efron under my bed,” Mabel told them, though whether that was because of the truth serum was anyone’s guess.

“I watched High School Musical Two just to see him shirtless in the water. God dammit!” Wendy snarled, slamming her fist on the counter. 

“See what I mean?” Melody said. “Look, I won’t embarrass you by saying too much. You’re mature and decent enough to treat a girl properly when the time comes. But in the meantime, you should talk to someone about what you’re going through, an adult like...” Melody faltered suddenly, looking behind her shoulder at the other men in the room. “...Like your dad!” she eventually decided.

“Hey, I can handle stuff like that!” Stan snapped. “I did it once before when he and Mabel swapped bodies - _ah, crap_.”

“He taught me things I didn’t want to know,” Mabel whispered, holding herself and rocking back and forth. “Terrible, icky things about parts I didn’t have that morning and what they were made to do.” She shuddered. 

"That explains way too much," Dipper said, shaking his head in pity.

“Mabel, I had no idea, but I am totally here for you,” Wendy said, stepping over the counter to put her arms around her. “I’ve got three brothers, I get it, and I am one hundred percent going to make sure you don’t suffer like I did.”

“Wow, I am not touching that one,” Melody declared, seeing how out of her depth she was. She turned back to Dipper. “Okay. Uh. As I was saying, it’s normal, talk to someone and, once again, I think we can all say that everyone here’s looked that stuff up at some time in their life.” She paused suddenly, her brow furrowing before she turned to Soos.

“Uh,” he said, sweating again as he found his fiancé watching him in a way he didn’t like. “Mine were all anime? Does that give me the all-clear?”

Melody’s mouth twitched a little. “Sure, why not?” she sighed, once again glad she didn’t have a chocolate. She turned to the teenage girls, Mabel looking to have recovered slightly after Wendy’s promise and comfort.

“Okay, girls, I’m just going to say it: ew. Just - just ew. I mean, really? Shame on you both. Do better.”

“Why do we get the criticism while the boys get support?” Mabel demanded. “If you weren’t a girl, I’d call that sexist!”

“It’s because the boys weren’t being gross!” Melody snapped. “Seriously? Snot and pigs? Wendy’s is disgusting but at least that only affects her!”

“But-!”

“No buts! Apologise to Dipper, promise you won’t do it again, and make sure you get Waddles his own toothbrush! Heck, take mine if you have to, I’m willing to have bad breath for my wedding if it means the poor boy doesn’t need to share his with a pig.”

“He can have it, not as if I’ll be using that one again,” Dipper muttered, wondering how much of the bad taste in his mouth was psychosomatic.

Mabel let out a long sigh. “That won’t be necessary,” she said, sounding like a child who’d learned a lesson but wasn’t happy about it. “I’ll stop brushing Waddles’ teeth until I get him his own and I’ll never use Dipper’s for anything ever again. I’m not even sure if a human’s is suitable for a pig. And I’m sorry for doing it in the first place. Okay?”

“I guess,” Dipper said, giving his sister a measured look. “But you’re buying me a year's worth of mouthwash, mints and any other oral hygiene thing I can think of. And quit eating my toothpaste!”

“But it sparkles!” Mabel protested. She rolled her eyes as both Melody and Dipper continued to glare. “Oh, alright. Sign the deal with a sibling hug?”

“Wish I could make up with my brothers that easily,” Wendy grunted as they met, ending it with a pat pat. “I usually have to beat them up.”

“That’s kind of satisfying in it’s own right, though,” Stan said, Ford nodding beside him.

Melody turned to Wendy. “And what about you?”

“What about me? Oh, right, the nose picking. I promise I’ll do it again. Ah, damnit. I’ll _do_ it again. Wait. I will - I _will_ \- I willll do it - oh for-!” Wendy clutched her head and cursed under her breath, trying to even whisper the lie out. “Ah, to hell with it,” she grunted when she couldn’t even manage that. “I promise I won’t let anyone catch me doing it. Yeah, think that’s the best you’re gonna get from me.”

“I’ll take it,” Melody sighed, fearing more difficulties lay ahead and hoping no more surprises would arrive, only for that wish to be immediately destroyed when two small figures barged in from the shop door, a much larger one close behind them.

“H-hey Pines family and friends,” Pacifica said, managing to keep her voice mostly casual despite spotting almost immediately that the box of chocolates was open, her heart sinking. “Is, uh, is everybody okay?”

“No!” Mabel groaned as everyone else shook their heads. “We ate some truth potion and it’s messing things up! We blurted out embarrassing secrets, Stan’s creepiness ruined Soos’ romanticness, Dipper got snippy, and Wendy called Melody fat!”

“O-oh,” said Pacifica shrivelling a little inside, Gideon wincing as he saw the looks on the family’s faces.

“I see,” growled the two-metre-plus cyborg behind them, making them even more uneasy.

“Actually, Mabel, she didn’t call me fat,” Melody said, her tone brisk. “She just said I should lose some weight.”

“Uh, well it’s the same thing isn’t it?” Mabel asked, swallowing a little under the young woman’s gaze.

Melody sniffed. “Depends on your point of view, doesn’t it?”

“Ain’t nothing amiss with being a little plump!” Gideon said, giving Wendy a reproachful look. “Sign of a healthy appetite is all.”

“I didn’t say there was anything wrong with it!” Wendy quickly said, realising she’d unintentionally insulted half the current occupants of the Shack. “I just think it’s healthier if you exercise or something to stay thin!”

“Easy for you to say, not everyone’s been blessed with Corduroy genetics,” Stan muttered. “The way you eat, you ought to be my size. At least!”

“Speaking as the fittest and most attractive person in the building, if not in the entire State-,” Phil began with no hint of hyperbole.

“God, I wish I could deny it,” Stan grunted as Ford and Wendy also glared at the handsome redhead.

“Sev’ral Timez are hotter,” Mabel muttered.

“They were genetically engineered, I was talking about natural beauty!” Phil snapped. “And they’re clones so should only count as one body anyway!”

Mabel scoffed. “Says you.”

“As I was saying,” Phil growled, giving her a bitter look as the Stans smirked and Wendy gave her young friend a supportive wink, “I think that, aye, as much as I despise Corduroy, she does have a point. It’s good to exercise.”

“Oh,” said Wendy, surprised that he was agreeing with her, even if it had come after the expected insult. “Thanks, Pink, that-”

“Shut up, you, I wasn’t finished!” Phil snapped, destroying her temporary tolerance of him. “I was going to add that beauty’s in the eye of the beholder and in oneself, and neither Melody nor anyone else here should try to change their appearance in a way that makes them uncomfortable.” He turned to the couple. “What matters is that you love each other. You want to change how you look, do it for yourselves or one another. Nobody else. Especially not this selfish bi-”

“Phil!”

“...Piece of crap?” Phil offered instead of his original insult.

“I freaking hate you so much,” Wendy whispered, the two redheads locking daggers. 

“We’ll accept that one,” Mabel decided after a moment’s consideration.

“No, we won’t!” Dipper snapped as Wendy frowned. 

“You can save the crap about it being what’s on the inside that counts,” Stan growled, also not particularly fond of the former time-cop. For several reasons, the main one probably being that he was a former cop. “Easy for someone as good looking as you to say stuff like that, but when you spend as much time working out or fixing your hair as you obviously do, can’t help but think you’re more superficial than you want to admit.”

“Hey!” cried Pacifica and Gideon, thinking of the ridiculous amount of time they spent on their own hairstyles.

“Actually, Stanley, I’ve met his ex-wife and she was by no means thin, but he's still called her beautiful.” Mabel confirmed. “Phil might care a lot about his own looks, but I believe him when he says that shouldn’t matter to others.”

“Thank you, Mabel!” Phil beamed as Stan grumbled. “Although, I will admit, I do prefer ladies of a generous size. Melody’s gorgeous as far as I’m concerned and if she ever has a daughter who takes after Soos then they’ll be even prettier.”

“Aw!” Soos and Mabel said together.

“Thanks, I guess?” said Melody, scratching her head and not sure how to feel about that.

“Big girls are way better than all those skinny types you see on film and TV,” Stan grudgingly said, annoyed to find himself on the same side as the ex-cop.

“I’m a lucky guy for finding someone with brains, heart, and beauty,” Soos immediately agreed.

“While I prefer thinner girls, you could argue that Melody has a better figure in many ways to either Pacifica or Wendy as, though they do possess an incredible bust and butt between them, their overall appeal is brought down by their severe lack of the other. Melody has a decent volume of both, particularly her bottom half, which is what I personally prefer. Not as good as Wendy's but pretty decent. Though I sometimes wish Wendy could be a little more like Pacifica and feel disappointed that only Pacifica’s upper body has developed so well.”

Crickets chirped outside, audible even through walls of the building, so intense was the silence in that little shop of mysteries.

“I think this might be the single most awkward moment of my entire life,” Dipper managed to say, his face blank from an overload of emotions as Wendy pinched the bridge of her nose and Melody dragged her palm down her face. “Which is saying something.”

“But you don’t care how a girl looks as long as she’s got a good heart, right?” Gideon quickly said, glancing at Pacifica, who was considering herself in one of the Shack's full-body mirrors, twisting sideways and looking forlornly at her backside.

“Well, yeah, obviously!” Dipper said, his answer so immediate and so full of offense at even being asked a question like that, that it instantly went a long way to raising his standing among the women in the Shack and healing the damage wrought by his brutal honesty a moment ago. “Kindness, personality, and actions are way more important than looks.”

“Yes!” cried Phil, pumping a fist. “Candy is still in the race!”

“God damn you, Phil,” Pacifica muttered, tearing her eyes away from her reflection to glare at him.

“Eh, personality's nice but I like tall guys with hot bods myself,” Mabel shrugged, Pacifica patting Gideon on the shoulder as he let out a pained whimper. Then Mabel suddenly let out a gasp, bouncing up and down and pointing at Dipper excitedly. “He likes big butts and he cannot lie!” she sang. “My twin brother cannot deny! When Wendy walks in with her normal-sized waist and her round thing in his face, he gets-!”

“SHUT UP, MABEL!” Pacifica, Wendy and Dipper screamed as one.

“Rude,” Mabel muttered, crossing her arms and pouting.

“Alright, alright!” Ford yelled. “Enough with the body talk! It’s making me very uncomfortable, especially considering their ages. Listen, we need to figure this out. I have a few ideas for testing the limits of this truth serum. In the meantime, we’d all better keep our mouths shut until this wears off or I can develop a counter-agent. We don’t want anyone to ask anything dangerous or personal. Again.”

“Why yes, this could be very troublesome,” Gideon piped up suddenly, giving Pacifica a lightning-fast glance. “Someone could ask some rather embarrassing questions and you all would be forced to answer! Such questions like - and this is completely off the top of my head here -”

“Wait!” Melody cried out as Phil and several others reached out to stop the young boy.

“- who’s the person you care about most?”

“Mabel,” Dipper said at the exact same time Mabel said, “Dipper.”

“Melody,” said Soos, another obvious answer.

“Mabel,” said Stan, flinching as his favourite was revealed.

“Dipper,” said Ford, doing the same as the brothers looked at their second-most important person guiltily.

Dipper and Mabel shared a glance, not surprised by their answers but still pleased that their favourite great-uncle favoured them too. They simply gave an accepting shrug to the men, knowing it didn’t mean the other didn’t love them any less, which the brothers were very relieved by.

“Dipper.”

Almost everyone turned to Wendy in surprise, the tall teenager letting out a short, frustrated sigh through her nostrils at their expressions.

“R-really?” Dipper asked, looking the most surprised by her answer.

Wendy looked at him. “Apparently,” she said, her tone guarded.

“Oh.” Dipper paused, considering her body language and the way she said it. “I didn’t think I was that important to you. That makes me very happy.”

Wendy’s mouth twitched. “Of course you’re important to me, Dipper. And I shouldn’t have to tell you why.”

“You’re right, you don’t.” Dipper said, a strange smile on his face, one that while definitely happy also hinted at a little sadness.

“See what you’ve done?” Phil growled, pressing down on Gideon’s head, hard enough to mess up his pompadour but not enough to outright hurt him. “Feel good about yourself now?”

Gideon saw Pacifica out the corner of his eye, the only one who hadn’t turned to Wendy or even seemed surprised by her answer. There was a dullness to her eyes and her shoulders dropped in defeat even as her fists clenched in frustration. “Not really,” he mumbled, looking away.

“Well, I’m super curious,” Mabel grunted, watching her brother and friend carefully.

“Me too,” Pacifica said, finally facing Wendy to give her a cold look. “Why is Dipper-”

“That’s none of your goddamn business, Northwest, and I’ve already said more than I wanted anyone to hear!” Wendy spat, raising her fist. “Finish that question and I’ll blacken your eye, wedding or no wedding!”

“What are you dudes even doing here, anyway?” Soos asked, scratching his head. “Shack’s closed for wedding stuff.”

Phil shrugged as he pulled Pacifica out of harm’s way. "Wanted to make sure that you didn't need any help in case an annoying pair of gremlins had come along to wreck your big day. Or something like that. Although it seems I'm a wee bit late," he grunted, Pacifica and Gideon looking very uneasy at the situation.

“So, uh, how did this happen?” Pacifica asked as innocently as she could, guessing that if Phil were going to voice his suspicions on who was responsible, he would have done so already.

“Wendy was given some chocolates from a secret admirer,” Ford explained. “She shared them with us and now everybody but Melody’s stuck telling the truth.”

“That does sound unfortunate,” Gideon said, keeping his face straight. “What kind of person or mythical creature would do something like that?”

Dipper turned to his sister. “Mabel?” 

“Why’re you accusing me?” she asked, looking hurt. 

“You’ve been very curious about the private conversations I had with Wendy and Wendy Two during the clone adventure. And you were the one who gave those truth-telling dentures to Stan, how do we know you haven’t tried something like that again?”

“I was annoyed yet proud,” Stan growled.

“I - okay, yeah, that’s a fair point,” Mabel reluctantly admitted. “But I had nothing to do with this! I’d have just eaten the chocolates myself and slipped you the serum! Not that I would!” she quickly added, seeing Dipper narrow his eyes. “I’m trying to respect boundaries, even when it's super hard and annoying. Besides, I learned my lesson from when I did it to Stan: the truth isn’t always a good thing and some people do stuff that it’s better you don’t know about.” 

The younger Pines twins shuddered at the unfiltered honesty of those dark days.

“Yes, I also had a few unpleasant experiences with those teeth,” Ford grunted. “Though this doesn’t seem quite as strong. Whatever did you do with them, anyway?”

“Put them in a chest, chained it with a padlock and threw it in the bottomless pit.”

“You made the right call, well done,” Ford told his great-niece, stroking her head affectionately. He picked up one of the chocolates and peered at it, straightening his glasses. “Wait a minute, this substance on top…” He ran his finger over the surface, staring intently at the bright powder for a moment before licking it. “Aha! This is made from pixie dust! I’m sure I made a formula very similar to this in my second journal. This is less refined, to be sure, but-”

“Yeah, yeah, whoever did this isn’t as skilled as you, we got it,” Stan growled. He turned to Gideon. “You had that journal for a couple’a years, you remember reading about this stuff or how to cure it?”

“I skimmed that page a few times, yes,” Gideon said, his poker face unwavering. “I believe it stopped working after twenty-four to forty-eight hours, though I don’t recall a particular counter-agent.”

“Oh, man, my wedding’s tomorrow!” Soos wailed. “Why’d this have to happen? Who’d do such a thing?”

“Good question,” Phil said, Pacifica hoping everyone was too worked up to notice the sweat on her brow.

“Wait a minute!” Mabel cried. “I know who did this!”

“Y-you do?” Pacifica asked, putting a hand on Gideon’s shoulder as she felt Phil move behind them, blocking any retreat.

“It’s obvious!” Mabel declared, pacing back and forth in front of Gideon and Pacifica. “Who’d have access to the information from Ford’s journal and be clever enough to make a potion with it, somebody who’s already shown a willingness to do anything to get their own way?” She stopped pacing in front of Gideon, her face murderous. “Even attempting the cold-blooded murder of my brother?” she growled as the pre-teen flinched at the hate in her brown eyes.

“Hey, this wasn’t Gideon’s fault!” Pacifica snapped, stepping between them. “He’s not the one you should blame!”

Mabel blinked in surprise at her furious face. “Gideon? No, I was gonna blame Jenna Myles. This is all her doing.”

“Who?” asked Phil, seeing everyone else immediately accept this wrong truth.

“Oh, yeah, that’s actually a perfectly reasonable conclusion,” Pacifica said, surprised. Then relief flooded through her as she realised she had the perfect scapegoat, one she had no qualms framing. 

“Oh, God, I’ve killed us all,” Wendy breathed, turning paler than usual as she stared at the chocolates.

“Wait, what?” Pacifica said, her relief dissipating as she saw the terrified looks when they assumed the worst.

“Oh, I don’t feel so good,” Dipper moaned, whiter than even Wendy, one hand at the tiny scar on his neck, the other clutching his stomach.

“Wait, wait wait!” Ford cried out, raising his hands to try and calm the growing panic he could see on their faces. “Pixie dust isn’t lethal to humans! At least not in this tiny amount! I doubt this is anything other than a truth serum!”

“Y-you promise?” 

Ford faltered at the desperation and fear in his great-nephew’s eyes, Mabel biting her lip anxiously as she rubbed his back to offer as much relief as she could. “I believe so, Dipper. But I’ll test them to be sure, a thousand times if I have to.”

Dipper nodded, struggling to swallow. “Okay. Good, that’s good." He sagged, letting out a nervous giggle as the icy chill of terror left him, replaced by warm relief. 

“Bloody hell,” Phil whispered, thrown by the young boy’s reaction. “What happened to him?”

“Something awful,” Pacifica whispered back, the guilt coming back with a vengeance that left her queasy.

“I’m so sorry for doing this to you guys,” Wendy told them. “I knew she’d want revenge, but I never thought she’d do something like this!”

“It’s fine,” Dipper told her, managing to smile. “You couldn’t have known. Uh, probably best to check any more surprise gifts you get from now on?"

"And things could have been a whole lot worse," Mabel added. "Truth serum's annoying and embarrassing, sure, but at least she didn't try to kill you. Then again, considering what I've seen you and your dad eat, poison might not have worked anyway."

"That's very possible," said Dipper, thinking of the dinners he'd shared with the Corduroy family.

"You should see what he drinks," Wendy said. "Literally burns holes in the furniture."

"Fascinating," said Ford, stroking his chin. "I want to run several invasive and potentially painful tests on a member of your family to conduct research into your exceptional physiology."

"I've got three brothers and I'm willing to let you do it on any of them, but want to trick you into paying me for it."

"Stuff like that's one of the reasons I like you so much," Stan told her. "Damn it, this stuff's making me sound soft."

"You can study Wendy's family later, " Melody said. "I'm sure you can come to an arrangement, maybe give her brothers some money and promise not to hurt them-"

"I can't promise that."

"I'm okay with him not promising that."

Melody ignored them. "But for now, you should just focus on finding an antidote for the pixie dust."

"And nobody should ask any questions anymore because nobody seems to like the answers, least of all the person giving them," Mabel added. She turned to Gideon, scowling. "Yes, Gideon, I'm talking about you. Honestly, I thought you were smarter than to blurt out such a potentially embarrassing question while we're being brutally honest. You didn't say it because you were hoping I'd say you, were you?"

Gideon gave her a pained look. "I'm too smart and nowhere near delusional enough to think like that anymore," he muttered.

"Hey, leave him alone," Pacifica snapped, not needing to add his being punished for trying to help her to her list of regrets. "Anyone can slip up. And you should apologise for making it look like you were going to accuse Gideon of slipping Wendy the dust!”

"Still find it weird that they've gotten close," Stan grunted, nodding at Pacifica and Gideon.

"You used to think the same thing about me and Wendy," Dipper whispered in annoyance. His annoyance grew when he didn't deny it. 

“I did not!” Mabel snapped. Then she hesitated, looking behind her. “Did I?”

“You kinda did, dude,” Soos said, Melody and the Stans nodding behind her.

“I was ready to drop-kick him into the pit,” said Wendy.

“Oh.” Mabel looked at the boy. “Sorry about that. Get a little carried away sometimes.”

“It’s okay!” Gideon said immediately, even more relieved than Pacifica to not be accused. “Just caught me off-guard is all." Then he brightened as an idea popped into his head. "Say! I've dabbled in chemistry and spent a few years with that journal, why don't I help you research the dust? Pacifica can also stay here, spend some time to take your mind off our troubles and-"

No," stated Phil, putting a hand on the pre-teen's shoulder. "This looks like it’s a family matter, and a very delicate one at that.” He grabbed Pacifica by a bicep. “If you need anything, give us a call but we’ll get out of your hair for now so you can handle it alone.” 

“That would be very much appreciated," Melody said, giving them a grateful smile as the former-cop pulled them to the exit.

“But-” Pacifica protested, looking back at Dipper and Wendy, now worried that her fears weren't unfounded.

“They don’t need people pestering them, especially with a wedding tomorrow,” Phil snapped, half-dragging, half-carrying them back to the car. He whistled at Duchess as he passed, the well-trained yellow dog stopping the game she was playing with the friendly pig and the indifferent goat to join her humans. He only let go of them when he reached the car, pulling the door open for them. "Get in."

"But-!" said Pacifica, biting her lip and looking back at the Shack.

Phil loomed over them, his face thunderous. "Get. _In."_

The two blondes swallowed and did as commanded, quickly buckling their seat belts as the dog settled between them and Phil slipped into the driver's seat.

"Where you taking us?" Gideon asked as the Irishman checked the mirrors. "Back to the arcade?"

Phil scoffed. "You think I'm going to let you two go back to having fun and games after what you just pulled? No. We're going to Greasy's. At this time of day, we can get a quiet booth and then you can tell me exactly why you did what you did."

"We-"

"Not now!" Phil snapped, turning towards the back, glaring over their heads as he reversed. "I'm too mad at you. I'll have settled down by the time we get there and that'll give you two long enough to realise how much you've buggered up."

Gideon cleared his throat awkwardly and turned to face out the window in shame. Pacifica slumped in her seat as she felt the fury coming off the cyborg, not even reacting when Duchess tried to give her a comforting nuzzle. There hadn't been many adults who'd treated her as kindly as Phil had. And now she wondered if she'd squandered that affection for the sake of petty revenge and jealousy.

"Hey, uh, Melody?" Wendy asked hesitantly as they heard the car drive away. "I know I don't have a right to ask you for anything after what I said, but can you call my Dad? I, uh, I'm worried that if I go home I might end up blurting out stuff that can get me shipped off to military school or something, which I'd especially hate right now because I'm trying to become less of a trouble-maker. Which is ironic, considering what I've done today."

Melody looked at the tall redhead, uncharacteristically awkward as she asked for the favour. Then she let out a sigh before giving her a strained smile. "Sure. What are friends for?"

"So kind and forgiving," Soos said, grinning to himself. "I still can't believe I found a girl as amazing as you."

And just like that, Melody's smile became much more sincere and the frustrations of the day didn't seem half as bad.


	4. Chapter 4

_ Author’s note: Delayed happy birthday to Alex and Ariel Hirsch! And to Dipper and Mabel Pines I guess, but their birthday is at the end of this story, so maybe not? Then again, who knows when that’ll be the way I’m updating chapters these days, so better do it now, just in case. I really want to finish this story before 2021 but that might be easier said than done at this rate. _

_ It’s Flu Vaccine season over here in the UK and I’ve volunteered to help with that. Means working extra shifts, some of them twelve hours, and even a few weekends. Means it’s gonna be a struggle to find the time to write. Especially since I’ve also been proof-reading that book my mate’s been writing and, at the same time, my parents need a lot of help with several parts of their house before another lockdown happens and, according to them, ‘writing about cartoons doesn’t qualify as a previous commitment. Quit making excuses and help us, you lazy bugger.’  _

_ I’m paraphrasing, but I won’t repeat their exact words since it’d give this story an M rating and chances are you wouldn’t understand the local slang anyway. _

_ Things are getting interesting across the world, with countries doing well, then letting their guard down and seeing infections rise again, then complaining that the governments are doing too much/not enough, rinse and repeat. Not much any one of us can do but every little helps so wash your hands, wear masks, and keep a safe distance.  _

_ I don’t care if you think you’re less likely to get it, you can still pass it on to others. Our nurses head out to a lot of older people, and it’s frustrating to see so many groups flaunting the rules while I get calls from elderly women, asking me if it’s safe to take their high-risk husband into their own back garden or if they can give the nurses some money for the shops because they’re worried of catching this plague on the way to get some milk. You want to put your own life at risk, fine, try extreme sports or something, but this is affecting everyone and your comfort is not more important than their lives. _

_ Sorry if that sounded harsh - tough week.  _

_ And for any of my American readers out there, I would also encourage you to try and vote by mail and to do it as soon as you can. Vote for who you want, pick with your heart or your head, but if more people do it by mail, then less people will be in the lines. It might take longer for the results but it’s the safest option available to you and too many people have died already. I don’t have that many readers and I doubt my words will have much impact on the ones I do have, but you’ve got to keep on trying and hoping, as hard as that is. _

_ And sometimes you find little things that lighten up your dark days. I came back from a walk and found that the neighbourhood kids had drawn chalk on the pavement (look it up). They’d made arrows and asked people to follow their one-way system to help keep a safe distance. How sweet is that? Sometimes we forget that there’s more than the anger and frustration so many are feeling, and it’s nice to have a little reminder every now and then. _

_ Take care of yourself, and others. _

* * *

“Alright, I believe I’ve found the extent of the potion’s effects,” Ford said, making a few notes. “We can’t lie but the potion wasn’t strong enough to consistently force complete honesty out of us.”

“Which is great because last time I was telling everybody about every ache, itch, and visit to the bathroom,” Stan grunted. “Thankfully, that only lasted a day or else I’d’ve scarred these two for life with grotesque revelations about my body and personal life.”

“Pleasenobodyasklikewhatpleasenobodyasklikewhat,” Mabel prayed, closing her eyes and crossing her fingers.

“Oh no, no, no, I’ve learned my lesson,” Melody promised, holding up her hands.

“So glad I had that day off,” Wendy said to herself before turning to Ford. “Okay, but if we don’t have to tell the whole truth, why do we keep doing it?”

“I said, ‘consistently’,” Ford reminded them, noting Dipper and Mabel’s grim expressions and growing concerned. “I think there are a few factors that affect how often we’ll do it and to what extent. Willpower seems to be the primary one, but I believe that preparation is also key. We can still give vague or diplomatic answers as long as we’re honest about it. 

“For example, if someone were to ask Stanley or I about our voyage together, I think we could both answer that it was one of the greatest years of our lives, without having to mention the many arguments we had. If, however, we attempt to lie or embellish, the potion will force the unfiltered truth out of us.”

“Better keep my trap shut, then,” Stan wisely said.

“That’s the other solution, yes. If you can’t think of an honest response you’re willing to say, then don’t say anything. Which is good, because if the worst comes to worst, Melody can tell people we all have a cold or something similar and we’ll just have to remain silent.”

“Not great, but better than accidentally insulting or embarrassing somebody at the wedding,” Soos said, glumly. “Hope it doesn’t come to that ‘cause, though. I’ve been working hard on my vows and it’d be a shame if I couldn’t say them.”

“Aw, Panda,” Melody said, rubbing his arm. “It’s okay. You can give them to Reggie or the priest if you have to, it doesn’t matter who says them, I’ll know they came from you.”

Soos nodded but didn’t reply, not looking very content.

“I’ll be down in the lab,” Ford said, taking the box of chocolates with him. “I doubt I’ll find a cure in time for the ceremony but I do my best research down there and perhaps we’ll get lucky and inspiration will strike.”

“I’ll go pick up Abuelita,” Soos said, getting to his feet. “At least she wasn’t here for this.”

“And I guess I’d better call Wendy’s dad so he’ll let you stay the night,” Melody sighed. “But I’m not sure what I can tell him to make him think that.”

“Just tell him you need my help for girl stuff,” Wendy advised, following her. “I should probably use it as an excuse more often but I don’t want to overuse it and find it embarrassing how embarrassed he gets. Freaks him out so much I sometimes wonder how I was ever born, let alone the four of us.”

“I’ll watch over things ‘till you get back,” Stan promised them. “Then I’ll leave the moment your grandma gets here so I don’t say anything that’ll offend her before your big day.”

“Which is very likely,” Dipper said, the others nodding as Soos gave a grateful smile.

“So, who’s up for some good old-fashioned TV to keep us occupied?” Stan said when they were alone, settling back into his old chair and flicking through the channels. “Hey, they’ve got Grandpa the Kid Three: Still Ain’t Dead Yet. Whaddaya say?”

“Why don’t we put something good on, instead?” Mabel suggested brightly.

“Please not a romcom or something to do with high school and music,” Dipper sighed, rubbing his eyes. “The ridiculous coincidences and plot contrivances ruin those movies.”

“ _ Oooh _ , ‘contrivances’!” Stan said, wiggling his fingers theatrically. “What, you look up fancy words in the dictionary to make yourself sound smarter?”

Dipper glared at him. “Yes. But at least I look at the dictionary!” he snapped as they sniggered. “You two misuse words all the time!”

Mabel scoffed. “You’re just being paediatric, Dipper.”

“I am no- wait, what? Do you mean pedantic?”

“See? Making my point, right there.”

“Not as much as you’re making mine,” Dipper grunted, pulling out the TV guide and turning the pages. “Let’s see...We’ve got How to Prepare for the Fishman Invasion on the  Used to Be About History Channel?”

“Been there, done that.” Stan grunted, shifting on his seat. “Stay inland and shoot ‘em, or smack ‘em, or anything you’d do during the not-fishman invasion. Only it’s easier since they can’t use guns and are even dumber than regular people. Anyway, those shows never get it right.”

“Yeah, we saw one about surviving a zombie attack and nobody mentioned using karaoke machines as weapons or three part harmonies at all. What else?”

“Attack of the Martian Moon-People from Venus? That’s a classic; the alien lab’s so shiny the actors have to squint and you can actually see cameraman in the reflection of the-”

“Ugh, no! Why do you keep watching those movies?” Mabel demanded as Stan groaned. “You don’t even like them! You just make jokes about how awful they are!”

“Well, yeah, that’s the point,” Dipper shrugged. “They couldn’t mess up that bad if they tried. If you take them seriously, they’re terrible. But if you don’t take them seriously then they’re great.”

“Nope, still don’t get it,” Stan said. as Mabel shook her head. “At first, I thought you were only watching it ‘cause Wendy liked them, same way I’d force myself to watch some chick flicks for my dates. But you two actually have a good time with them!”

“One of the weirdest mysteries in Gravity Falls if you ask me,” said Mabel.

Dipper rolled his eyes. “I guess you two just don’t have the same sense of humour as Wendy and I.” 

“Thank God for that,” Stan grunted. “I’ve heard your commentary and you two are welcome to it if that’s how you get your laughs.”

“Can’t tell if this is the truth serum or normal Dipper teasing,” Dipper muttered. “Either way, you guys are annoying and I’m glad Wendy’s staying since it’ll give me someone else to talk to.”

“Least you’ll have someone to talk to,” Mabel said. “Stan’ll probably have to keep quiet for the next two days, the way he insults people. And that’s without truth serum!”

“Yeah, I’m an obnoxious loudmouth,” Stan agreed. “Think I’ll be okay, though. Ford’s used to me not holding anything back. And I like McGucket and Tate and call them nerds to their faces, so not as if I’m in danger of getting thrown out.”

“I might have to watch what I say,” Mabel admitted. “I try to be nice and look on the bright side but there’s some stuff that gets on my nerves. Like the way somebody keeps  _ eating bacon in front of my pig!” _

“Eh, he’s so offended by it, he can eat me when I croak,” Stan said, resting his hands behind his head. 

“I admire you for really meaning that,” Mabel told him.

“I find it very alarming that you admire him for that!” Dipper said, staring at his sister.

“How come? He likes eating pigs, it’s only fair that one should get to eat him! Makes perfect sense to me.”

“See, she gets me,” Stan said, patting Mabel’s head affectionately. “Just like how you get Ford, when sometimes even I can’t.” He faltered suddenly, thinking of a particularly unpleasant truth that had slipped out. “Uh, listen, kids...about what Ford and me said earlier, about our most important person. Me saying Mabel and him saying Dipper? It, uh, it doesn’t mean we care any less about you, okay? I know that sometimes we don’t always agree, but that shouldn’t-”

“We get it, Stan,” Dipper gently told him. “It’s like you were saying: I can relate more to Ford and Mabel more to you. But that doesn’t mean I love you less or that Mabel and Ford don’t care about each other.”

“Yeah, and it’s not like we didn’t already suspect it,” Mabel added with a shrug. “Sure, sometimes I get jealous of Dipper and Ford’s connection, but I bet he feels the same about me and you sometimes so that’s pretty fair. Besides, we’re pretty used to it.”

“Whaddaya mean?”

“Mom likes Dipper more,” Mabel said, the corners of her smile twitching a little.

“And Dad likes Mabel more,” Dipper sighed. “They’ve never said it but we know.”

“Oh,” said Stan, seeing the looks on their faces and thinking of what else he could say. He thought back to his own parents. His father had never bothered to hide that Ford was the favourite of his three sons. And he could understand that. Ford was the most respectful at home and out, and even from a young age it had been clear he had a bright future ahead of him. But what he couldn’t forgive was that Filbrick Pines had also never bothered to hide which son he favoured the least.

“It ain’t right that parents have a favourite,” he said, his expression darkening. “Maybe it’s human nature to have one, but they shouldn’t show it. At least not enough for everyone to know. I’m, uh, sorry for doing that to you, Dipper. And I bet Ford’s sorry too, Mabel.”

“It’s okay, we get it,” Mabel said, Dipper nodding and giving a faint smile but not saying anything. “I’m just glad that it’s an even split. I’d feel really bad if I was the favourite of more parents or Grunkles than Dipper.”

“Balance is nice,” Dipper said, glad to see his great-uncle look relieved. But he made sure not to say anything else, this conversation uncomfortably reminding him that Mabel always made new relationships with ease while he struggled so much. Still, it used to be a lot worse. He thought of Ford, Wendy and Pacifica, and felt a little happier that he’d finally found someone other than his mother who preferred him to his more charismatic sister.

Then he felt his gut churn a little at that thought, feeling slightly guilty for having it in the first place.

“You think things will be okay at the wedding?” Mabel asked them as Stan flicked through the channels one by one in search of something they could all watch. “Wendy’s already offended Melody. Think I did too, even if I didn’t mean it. Plus, Stan, Soos, and Ford all say things without thinking it through sometimes. Who knows what’ll happen now we’re forced to tell the truth?”

“I think we’ll be okay. Ford said we can avoid telling the whole truth if we use our willpower,” Dipper reminded her.

“Easy for you to say, you’ve got the most,” Stan grunted. “And even if you didn’t, I think you’d still have the least to be worried about.”

“Me? Why?”

“Well, you’re already the quiet one in the family so you can get away with talking less, and you’re pretty polite,” Stan explained. “Plenty of practice holding your tongue when something rubs you the wrong way. And even if you do say something rude, we can pull it off as puberty or just having a bad day and most people’d believe that.”

“Meanwhile, some of us have poor impulse control,” Mabel grumbled. “If I see a really hot guy at the wedding, who knows what I might say to cause a scene?”

Dipper scoffed. “Like that’s ever stopped you before.” 

“Dipper, you have no idea what I’ve been holding back as I’ve been getting older,” Mabel said, shaking her head gravely. “And that wasn’t that big a deal before because I don’t embarrass easily. But this is about Soos and Melody and I really don’t want to go overboard on their big day.”

“Wow, that first sentence filled me with a deep sense of foreboding. But I can understand why you’d be worried about doing something you’d regret.” He let out a frustrated sigh. “Look at me. Two minutes with a truth serum and I’ve already commented on Wendy, Pacifica, and even Melody’s body. And I told everybody about what I look up online! They must think I’m such a creep.”

Stan rolled his eyes. “Oh, quit yer bellyaching. What, you think you’re the only guy to look at stuff like that? Melody’s right, it’s natural. She and Wendy get that. Girls have those feelings too.”

“Oh, yeah,” Mabel said, nodding vigorously. “Trust me, I’ve had talks with Candy, Grenda, Paz, and Wendy that would leave you speechless. And I’m pretty sure the girls already suspected that about you anyway.”

She tilted her head to the side as Dipper let out a groan, seeing how embarrassed he was by the whole situation. On one hand, his truth had probably been the least surprising out of them all. But it had also been the most personal. 

Then she grinned wickedly as she thought of another truth. “Hey, cheer up! Think of the good that’s come from this.”

“What good?” Stan demanded, Dipper giving her a curious look.

“You know,” she said, elbowing her Grunkle. “A certain special someone seems to value our little Dipper even more than we thought!”

“Don’t call me that!” Dipper snapped, their snickering worsening his mood. “And it’s not like that! Wendy and I are just friends!”

“Oh, I don’t doubt that,” Mabel said, obviously amused. “But picking you over everyone else in the world? Even her own family?” She let out a slow whistle. “Bet you feel pretty pleased about that.”

“Yes,” Dipper said through clenched teeth. “But I know I shouldn’t make a big deal of it. It was just - she has other reasons for feeling that way, okay?”

“Glad to see you aren’t just leaping to romantic conclusions like you used to,” Stan said. 

“Give it time,” Mabel advised. “He’ll probably lay awake at night thinking about what she said and come to the wrong conclusion by morning. Won’t be the first time he’s done that after a compliment from a girl.”

“It’s not like that!” Dipper snapped again, his temper rising at their smirks. “I’m her best friend and her hero. Of course I’m important to her.”

“Hero, huh?” Stan elbowed a giggling Mabel. “Somebody thinks very highly of himself!”

Dipper threw them a cold look. “No, I don’t,” he told them, his voice steady despite how he felt inside. “I never have and I probably never will. But Wendy does. She told me herself how much she admires me, how she, of all people, said I’m the coolest person she knows and she wishes she were more like me. Do you have any idea how much that meant to me? Of course you don’t.” He turned away from them, his fists tightening. “No wonder I never told you. All you two do is make fun of me whenever I get close to someone. You just want to ruin one of the best moments of my life for some lame joke.” 

Mabel and Stan looked at each other, taken aback by his reaction. Stan rubbed the back of his neck as Mabel bit her lip, remembering the days just after Ford appeared. 

At first, Ford had kept them all at a distance, claiming his work was too dangerous and important to share it with family. That only changed once he discovered Dipper loved his favourite game as much as he did, finally taking him out of his self-isolation to spend time with his family. They’d both teased him about that too, despite seeing how much that had hurt him then.

“I’m sorry, Dipper,” Mabel said, putting his hand on his shoulder. “You’re right. It was wrong of us to make fun of you for that. I’m glad Wendy respects you so much, I was just surprised. But I shouldn’t be. I’ve been to the future. Phil’s daughter thinks you’re awesome, literally called you the greatest hero of all time. I don’t think she’s alone, either. Just ask Phil and he’ll tell you how many people think you’re a hero.”

“And why wouldn’t they?” Stan added. “All the things you’ve done, no wonder people respect you. Hell, I do, and I’m a miserable old geezer. You deserve every bit of that recognition.”

“Definately,” Mabel said, giving a warm smile as Dipper turned back to them, looking a little touched. “Heck, if it weren’t for Stan, you’d probably be my hero too.”

“See, she - what?” Stan turned to her, his eyes wide. “You...think I’m your hero, Pumpkin?”

“Well, yeah, obviously, Stan,” she answered, seeming amused by his reaction. “Look at everything you’ve done for us. Taking care of Soos, Dipper, and me, spending decades trying to get your brother back. And that’s not even mentioning all the times you’ve saved us or basically giving your life to stop Bill. Why wouldn’t you be?”

Stan blinked rapidly for a moment, his mouth opening and closing once or twice as if struggling for a reply. Then he slid off his chair onto his knees, wrapping an arm around each of their necks and pulling them in close.

“You two are the best things that ever happened to me,” he told them as they looked at each other in surprise over his shoulders. “I know I don’t always show it, that I complain and grumble. That I’ll deny I ever said this after we’re done. But right here, right now, I want you to know that and neither of you to ever forget it. Whatever happens.”

“Grunkle Stan,” Mabel whispered, her voice drenched in terror. “You’re not dying, are you?”

He barked out a laugh, unable to blame her for her wariness. “Nah. Matter-of-fact, I’ve even been walking a bit more and trying to watch what I eat. Nowhere near great shape, but I don’t plan on kicking the bucket yet. Especially not when life is the best it’s been in years.”

Dipper met his sister’s eyes, still not understanding. “Then why-?”

“‘Cause I made a promise to someone who lost a bit of her family and I never want any of mine to go through what she did. Don’t ask me any more about it. It was a private thing, but I like to think I helped her out a little in the end.” He ran his fingers through Mabel’s hair, pulling her that little bit closer. “Almost as much as she helped me out.”

Dipper and Mabel nodded, not sure what else to say, as he held them for a little while longer.

“Really, uh, really want to blame these on allergies or something,” Stan said, wiping his eyes.

“Me too,” Diaper said, wiping his own.

“Me three,” Mabel laughed. Then she stopped, thinking of something she’d been putting off for a long time. “Hey, uh, Grunkle Stan? Why don’t you show Dipper that book you showed me when we swapped bodies? I think it might help if he’s dealing with stuff.”

“Uh, I’d rather not-”

“It’ll be fine,” Mabel promised her brother, patting his arm. “Stan was pretty good at it. I was expecting him to make a joke about you or Wendy at plenty of different times, but he never did. Really helped me see what you were going through, so it would be a great help for you too.”

“What about you?” Stan asked as Dipper gave a reluctant nod. “You just gonna sit and watch TV on your own?”

“No, I’m going for a walk,” Mabel said, choosing her words very carefully. “I need to talk to somebody about something and I’d rather do it while I’m being honest. I’ll be back for dinner, don’t worry.”

“You think she’s going to see the Prof?” Stan asked quietly after they’d said their goodbyes.

“I guess,” Dipper answered with a shrug. “Can’t think of anyone else. Maybe she didn’t want us to worry about her?”

“Can’t help it,” Stan said as they made their way to his old office, trying to remember where he’d last seen the book and hoping Soos hadn’t moved it. “But it also warms my old heart to see you two doing so well after everything you’ve been through. Think you’re coping way better than Ford and I could have at your age.”

“Hm. So, why do you even have a book like that in the first place?” Dipper asked instead of replying. “Did Dad ask you to get it in case I needed The Talk?”

“Nah, had it for years. Soos’ grandmother brought it over a little after he started working here. He was a bit of a late bloomer and she figured it’d be best if a guy were to go over that stuff with him. I was nervous as hell, let me tell ya! But it was good for when you two came along, helped remind me what I should watch out for. I’ll be honest with you, kid, what you’re going through, those urges you get, they don’t entirely go away. You just learn to deal with them better as time goes on. Usually. And quit worrying about looking at those pictures! Plenty of guys older than you do it and it’s still just as weird!”

“I know. Last summer, when I was trying to get the number for those government agents, I accidently stumbled across your magazines for Fully Clothed Women and Lady Swimwear.”

“Oh. Um, yeah, don’t - don’t ask me about those. Don’t want to give you nightmares.”

“Too late.”

* * *

“There, you can stay the night,” Melody confirmed, returning her phone to her pocket. “That man is seriously disturbed by anything feminine.”

“You’re telling me,” Wendy grunted. “One time my bra was caught on his boot and he was literally more freaked out than if it had been a rattlesnake. I can’t thank you enough for this, Melody. And, uh, I also can’t apologise enough for saying-“

“Yeah, I heard you the first dozen times,” Melody sighed. She let out a tired sigh. “Do I really look that bad?” she asked, bracing herself for the worst.

“No!” Wendy cried in horror. “No, no, no! I swear, you look great, you really do, I just think you’d look better if you were skinnier – Ah, but that’s just my own personal opinion!” she quickly added, seeing Melody’s face. “It looks like I’m in the minority so who cares what I think?”

“I suppose,” Melody glumly said. “It’s just - I’ve been trying really hard, you know?  _ Really  _ hard. I know Soos doesn’t care (actually he seems to prefer me this way) but I really wanted to do more for this. You only get married once. Well, I’m pretty sure Soos and I will, anyway.”

“Oh, come on, Soos only proposed at the start of the summer! Most people have way more than that to prepare and they still struggle! Seriously, I’m totally impressed with what you’ve done. And yeah, Soos does like you just the way you, which is all that matters. Heck, even Dipper’s said you’ve got a better figure than me so you can feel good about that.”

“Yeah, that was awkward,” Melody sighed. “Don’t think I’ve had a thirteen-year old comment on my body like that before, hopefully never will again.” She looked at the redhead, noticing the way she held herself. “But I’m a bit surprised to see you affected by stuff like that.”

Wendy gave a half-hearted shrug. “I might not like to fuss over it but I’m not immune. I don't really go for gender stereotypes or whatever and think people make too big a deal about how women look especially...but there are plenty of times I feel insecure about my appearance too.”

Melody swept her eyes over the teenage girl, tall and beautiful, with emerald green eyes, pale skin smoother and clearer than most adults, let alone other teenagers, and a flowing mane of red hair that was the envy of almost every woman in town. “You? Insecure?”

“Well, yeah,” Wendy said, gesturing to her body. “Look at me. I’m so freakishly tall it’s almost getting impossible to find a guy who’s taller than me and sometimes I get men in their twenties or even thirties that flirt with me ‘cause I look about too old for my age. My feet are massive, my butt’s even bigger (seriously bugging me all those comments Mabel’s made about it this summer) and I’m so boyish people could mistake me for a dude if I cut my hair. I know I shouldn’t care, but there are some days I wish I was more feminine, like you.”

“I never thought of it like that,” Melody said, surprised to hear those words come from the normally cool and confident girl. “I didn’t think anything bothered you.”

“Nah, that’s a total act I’ve made up so people won’t see how stressed out I am all the time. I’m secretly freaking out over this being my last year of high school and I’m worried that the friends I’ve grown up with my whole life will split up after graduation since Robbie and Tambry are obviously going to want to focus on each other, Thompson wants to do more at the movie theatre, Nate and Lee have no idea what they want to do, and I don’t want to be like that but my ambition to do more can’t compete with my natural laziness and rebellious streak.”

Melody nodded. “Yeah, I can get that. When I finished High School, I wasn’t-”

“Then there’s the trouble with my family driving me crazy day and night since I’m the one who usually has to help clean up after the boys make a mess because I’m the oldest. Which makes me want to act out and argue because of it, making things tense sometimes, which I also know Dad doesn’t need since he’s working hard to support all of us. It’s no wonder I’ve wanted to leave this place since I was, like, thirteen. But I’m also aware that I have no idea how or when I could do it since I haven’t even saved up enough to get a car, let alone a place in Portland.”

“Family can be tricky,” Melody agreed sympathetically. “And so can moving out, even when it’s what you want. I remember when I left home, I-”

“I’m also terrified that when I do leave here, I’ll be completely dissatisfied with the world outside the Falls since it’s only since last year that I’ve realised how wonderful this place can be. Dipper and Mabel have really opened my eyes to it all, and one of the biggest reasons I’m feeling reluctant to leave is because these last two summers have been the best of my entire life and I don’t want to lose that yet after finding it so soon. I know I won’t have any of these adventures in Portland; it’ll be all taxes and bills and juggling work with trying to find time to meet your friends, and the idea of growing up to live a boring life like that when I could be fighting aliens or monsters scares the crap out of me.”

Melody paused, considering the young redhead’s fidgeting as her lips pressed tightly and the sweat gathered on her brow, looking very far from her normal calm visage. “There’s a lot more to come, isn’t there?” she asked with a sense of foreboding.

“Oh, yeah,” Wendy said, nodding anxiously. “Been bottling this up for a long time and I think the potion’s forcing it out. You should probably run while you can.”

“I...can’t leave you alone to deal with this,” Melody decided, trying not to let her reluctance show. She scanned the woods, hoping that some dark and terrible creature would burst out so they’d have something else to focus on instead. “Hey, look!” she cried, pointing up the road with great relief. “Isn’t that Tambry? Wouldn’t you rather talk to her about all this?”

“Oh, yes, please!” Wendy gasped, bounding after her oldest friend as fast as a deer.

“Thank God for that,” Melody breathed, returning to the Shack as quickly as she could. “So not ready for motherhood!”

Tambry panted as she moved, feeling her muscles aching. Not just from the jog, she was mostly used to that. A big part of it was from the bruises left behind when Wendy had attacked her and Robbie. And all because of one stupid photo! Sent to fifty people, sure, but it wasn’t as if she’d sent it to the whole town. 

Tambry winced and clutched her side as she came to an early stop. She took a drought of water as she decided she’d cut the run short and pulled out her phone to ask Robbie to pick her up. She could just walk back, but she only did the exercise to maintain her figure and took no actual enjoyment from wandering the outdoors, her screen being far more interesting than whatever nature could provide. 

“Tambry, I need your help!” Wendy suddenly cried from behind her, making her jump. “We’ve been poisoned with truth serum and I insulted Melody, then blurted out a bunch of stuff that’s worrying me and I’m not even finished but need to tell someone the rest in case the truth serum makes me say it all to someone I don’t trust!”

Tambry looked her friend up and down, annoyed to see that she appeared to have run all the way from the Shack without breaking a sweat, even in her heavy boots. She thought of how much effort she had to put in to maintain her own figure while Wendy could eat whatever she wanted and still looked thinner. Finally, she thought of the bruises across her body from when she and her boyfriend were being thrown about like ragdolls, all because Wendy Corduroy, Prankster Queen, couldn’t take a joke.

“Sure, I’ll help you, Wendy,” Tambry said, trying not to smile. “A truth serum sounds awful. Better tell me everything.”


	5. Chapter 5

“So how’d this happen?” Tambry asked as they walked down the road that led to town. “Prank an evil wizard and get cursed? Drink a science experiment by mistake?”

“Bit of both.” Wendy stuck her hands in her pockets and kicked at the ground. “Think it was that magical psycho who brewed the potions that enslaved the guys. Found some chocolates from some ‘secret admirer’ on my doorstep. Turns out they were coated in truth serum. Shared them with Soos and both pairs of Pines twins so now we’re all in the same boat.”

“Oh, my God!” Tambry gasped, dropping her indifferent demeanour at the unbelievable news. “You actually shared snacks with someone?”

“Hey, shut up!” Wendy snapped. “What else was I going to do? If I left it at home my brothers would have sniffed them out and made fun of me for the rest of the week!”

“They are little monsters,” Tambry agreed, without much sympathy. 

“Yep. Anyway, after I said Melody could lose some weight-”

“Woah!”

“I know!” Wendy cried, tugging at her hair in guilt. “I feel awful! But even after I said that, she was super nice and did me a favour by calling Dad and asking if I could stay the night so I could help with ‘womanly things’-”

“His fear of girl stuff would be sad if it weren’t so hilarious.”

“You're right but hang on, I’m not finished yet. After Melody did that, we got to talking and I said a whole bunch of things that I didn’t want to say. Might have freaked her out a bit. Then Melody saw you and I decided to chase you down and vent to you instead. I’m hoping that if I say what I’ve been bottling up here then I won’t do it later to the people I’ve been hiding stuff from. With any luck, Ford will make a cure before tomorrow but I really don’t want to risk it.”

“Reasonable idea,” Tambry agreed, her phone in her pocket for once as she gave her friend her full attention. “But how do I know this isn’t another prank?”

“What? Why would I do something like that the day before the wedding? And don’t you think I’d come up with something better than this?”

Tambry shrugged. “Eh, your last few pranks have been kind of lacklustre. Think you’re out of practice. Besides, I’ve known you too long to put anything past you.”

“Hey, it’s harder to come up with stuff now that Mendez is around! Besides, I don’t want to push people too far and get tasered for breaking the Never Mind All That Act. Again.”

“Hmm. Well, you have been behaving yourself lately. Bit boring but good for you, I guess? Anyway, you’re still going to have to convince me.”

“What, my word isn’t good enough?”

“Not with your history.”

“I’m annoyed by that answer but can’t actually argue with it,” Wendy grumbled. “See?”

“Doesn’t prove anything. You’re smart enough to have that reply prepared. Tell me something that you wouldn’t normally.”

“I don’t want to.”

“Thought you were compelled to tell the truth?”

“I am, but I can just keep my mouth shut instead of blurting out the whole truth unless I’m caught off-guard. Which I’m super grateful for since I said plenty of embarrassing things already.”

“Like what?”

“I pick my nose and eat it - GODDAMN IT!”

“Gross,” Tambry stated, watching with amusement as her friend raged. “Wish I could say that was more surprising, though. Thought I’d seen you do it a few times but too scared to say anything.”

“I can’t help it!” Wendy snapped. “It’s mostly out of convenience! There isn’t always a tissue and I’m not going to walk around with snot on my sleeves!”

“Just in your stomach,” Tambry replied. “You do know that’s unhealthy as well as unsanitary, right? Or do you also like the way it tastes too, you disgusting snot-licker?”

Wendy glared at her, her mouth set tight.

Tambry raised an eyebrow. “I’ll take your silence as proof that you can’t lie to deny it.”

“So you believe me now?” Wendy said, still not answering her previous question.

Tambry shrugged. “Guess I do. Fine, spill the beans. What are you scared of revealing?”

“Lots of things!” Wendy blurted out as she threw her arms wide, Tambry taking a step back to avoid them. “I don’t even know where to begin! I’m so freaked out that this is going to be our last year of high school! I hate school but at least it was something to do and a place where I could meet my friends every day! What the hell am I going to do once that’s over and I can’t hang out with you guys as often? Work full time at the Shack until I can afford to move? And what will I even do when I do leave? Go to college? And study what? I have, like, zero interest in studying anything! I knew I was lazy, but now I’m starting to think I’m just boring!”

“Yeah, you do suck at planning things out,” Tambry nonchalantly agreed. “I mean, geez, Wendy, you’ve been talking about moving to Portland since we were, like, thirteen and you still have no idea how to do it? And how have you not saved up at least half a car by now? Lee and Nate have saved up more than you even though they do less hours and you’re smarter than both of them combined. Get your act together, girl, time’s running out.”

“Not helping!”

“Sure I am,” Tambry replied, looking at her fingernails. “How are you feeling right now?”

“Angry!” Wendy growled.

“There we go!” Tambry said, clapping her on the arm. “You’re welcome.”

Wendy’s eyebrows furrowed. “And now I’m confused.”

Tambry rolled her eyes. “God, why do I have to spell this out for you? Remember when Mister Burke asked us to choose the topics for our essays? And you asked to do one about how the town came together in the months after Never Mind All That?

“You could just call it Weirdmageddon when we’re alone, you know. It’s not like the cops are going to jump out of the bushes and-”

“He told you that he didn’t think you were up for something that sensitive or complicated,” Tambry continued, speaking over her. “But then you got mad and decided you’d stick by it just to show him. And your essay ended up being so good that you got an A and they even put some of it in the school paper to help morale.”

“Hardly anybody even reads that thing,” Wendy muttered. Then she paused, thinking back. “You know, that was actually a pretty good week at school. Not only did it feel great when I saw the look on Burke’s face, but I’d never done anything that got praised like that before. It felt good to be recognised after all the work I put into it.”

“And all because you got mad,” Tambry explained. “When you get like that then you really go all-out. Mabel said the same thing happened when you fought that shapeshifter last summer. Happened again when Jenna Myles had us all on the ropes. When you get mad you’re a force to be reckoned with.”

“I suppose,” Wendy said slowly. “But that’s different! That was action! This is real life! I have no idea about any of this. The only reason that essay was half as good was because Dipper was tutoring me. And like you said, I suck at planning things. How am I going to prepare for all the big stuff heading my way?”

“Same way you handled that essay: you get mad at everybody telling you that you’re going to fail - even if it’s you - and then you ask for help to figure it out. I know you won’t want to talk to your dad about it but you’ve got other options. Like Melody. She must be nice if she agreed to help you out even after you called her fat-”

“Technically, I only said she could lose some weight, Mabel was the one who-”

“I don’t care,” Tambry said, waving her hand. “The point is that she’s already done what you’re planning to do. She moved out of her family’s house and then moved here. And she’ll be moving in with Soos after they get married so that’s at least three times she’s changed places. Plus, her and Soos have left school too so you can ask them if and how they stay in touch with their friends.

“And as for worrying about the gang…” Tambry paused, glancing at the dirt road for a moment before looking up again. “Yeah, things will change. Things  _ are  _ changing. We won’t be able to hang out as much when we graduate. Lee and Nate are probably like you: no idea what they’re going to do, but they’ve almost got enough for cars and that’ll really help them out and they’ll never separate, whatever happens. Thompson’s got that manager job at the movie theatre that he can focus on and probably has the best chance of getting a decent star in life than the rest of us. And you’ve got your work. I know you say you hate it but the people there really care about you and will help you whatever you want to do so that’s something.

“Me and Robbie will want to move in together, eventually, but that’s easier said than done. I know he wants to focus on his music but I’m smarter than him, Wendy, and I know how hard it is to be a musician in today’s economy. Especially since I don’t think the rest of the band are committed. I’ll have to find a job and I know that’s going to be hard. I have no experience and I can’t stand interacting with people face-to-face.”

“You do spend an unhealthy amount of time glued to your phone, even for a teenager. You’re probably going to need physio the way your neck bends all day.”

“ _ Quiet _ . I’m trying to be nice here and I freaking hate it so let me get it over with.”

“Sorry.”

Tambry let out a frustrated sigh from her nostrils. “The point is that life will probably get harder for all of us. Part of growing up. Yeah, we’ll eventually go our separate ways. But I think that means we should just enjoy it more while we can. This is going to be our last year as high schoolers. It might even be the last year that we can all be together like this, depending on where we go afterwards. So let’s make it count.”

“Wow, that is seriously deep for you, Tambry,” Wendy said quietly, looking at her friend as if she’d never seen her before. “You’re not on drugs, are you?”

“Oh, for God’s sake!” Tambry cried, throwing her arms up. “You know what, forget it, I’ll never try to be nice to you again, you ungrateful, over-sized-”

“No, sorry, I’m sorry!” Wendy quickly said, trying to calm her down. “I didn’t - it just caught me off-guard. It’s - I’ve never seen you like that before and I didn’t know what was up! At first I was worried that you could be pregnant but if you’ve been running-”

“I AM NOT PREGNANT!” Tambry screamed at her. “I’m sorry that not everyone can be as thin as Wendy Corduroy, you lanky freak! Melody out to have slapped your face off, you selfish -”

“I’m so sorry, it’s the truth serum!” Wendy cried in despair at having insulted yet another friend. “It just makes me blurt stuff out and I got nervous and - ow! Hey, quit it! Ow!”

“Do you have any idea how much I have to work to stay thin?” Tambry yelled, aiming another kick to the shins, which Wendy easily dodged. “No, because you eat like a pig and still don’t put on anything! I can’t even stress-eat because it goes straight to my hips but you don’t have to deal with any of that, do you?”

“Well, no,” Wendy admitted. “But on the other hand, my butt’s huge!”

“Stop rubbing it in my face!” Tambry yelled, throwing a punch that Wendy side-stepped.

“Okay, that’s enough,” Wendy decided, grabbing her wrists and not letting go. “Look, I’m sorry about what I said. I didn’t mean anything by it, I was just confused by the way you were acting. If it makes you feel better, I’m jealous of your body sometimes too.”

Tambry stopped struggling, peering at her sceptically. “You are? How?”

“Ugh, there’s a few ways,” Wendy mumbled unhappily. “Sometimes I wish I was closer to your height so men wouldn’t hit on me as often. I know I like older boys but it’s just getting creepy. I’m also unwilling to go out with anyone shorter than me and that’s becoming more of a problem every year.”

“Uh-huh, that’s one. What else?”

Wendy rolled her eyes and released Tambry’s arms. “Really going for this, huh? Fine. You’re more feminine than me and I know I say I don’t care but there are some days where that’s a lie. Whenever I told people that I’ll be wearing a suit to the wedding instead of a dress, everybody - including you guys - immediately agreed that would suit me better and after a while I got self-conscious about it. Especially since if I put my hair up, I can pass for a guy (couple of girls have already hit on me, thinking that) while you wouldn’t have that problem. I got teased for my freckles growing up and sometimes I wish I didn’t have them. I wish my legs were more like yours-”

“You’re jealous of my legs?” Tambry repeated incredulously. She looked her friend up and down considering the long, shapely legs that were hiding under her jeans. “What are you, crazy?”

“Oh, not of their shape, I totally blow you out of the water in that department,” Wendy explained, much to her annoyance. “I’m just jealous of every girl who doesn’t need to shave them like I do. If I don’t do it every day, I look like a woolly mammoth by the end of the week.”

“Wait, really?”

Wendy scoffed. “You think my height and strength were the only things I inherited from Dad? I wish I was that lucky. Got the Corduroy hairiness down too. Suppose it could be worse,” she admitted. “Least I didn’t get any of his chest or back hair.”

“I thought those socks looked funny when we had that sleepover,” Tambry said to herself, making it Wendy’s turn to be annoyed. “And I can see you’ve got some on your lip too. Want to borrow some of my moustache remover for tomorrow?”

Wendy glared at her. “I’m annoyed but that would be appreciated, thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Tambry replied, feeling a little better about herself as they continued their walk and deciding to risk trying to get an answer to a question she’s been asking herself for months now. “Hey, Wendy? Do you remember that day at school, when you got in trouble because of that stink bomb?”

“You’ll have to be more specific.”

“You know, in about April? The one you said went off by accident as you walked by the cheerleaders? The one that was so bad you got two weeks detention?”

Wendy blinked. “I remember that day,” she said, tactfully. 

“Well, maybe there’s something that you can explain to me now that you’re being honest,” Tambry said, trying to hide her smile. “I always found it odd that you did that after going so long without pranks at school and never did another after. But, sure enough, you walked right past them and suddenly they’re throwing up on their uniforms and all the tables around them are gagging too.” Tambry let out a slow whistle. “Must have been one impressive concoction. But, the funny thing was, they never did find the remains of the stink bomb. So I was wondering,” she said, tapping a finger to her chin thoughtfully, “What else could it have been?”

Wendy was a few steps ahead of her, her fists clenched and her eyes screwed shut in frustration as she tried to force dishonesty from her lips, a task she knew she couldn’t manage but attempted nonetheless. Eventually, she felt the pressure build just like it had that day and spun round, unable to hold it back any longer.

“It was the chilli dogs. I saw the jocks behind the cheerleaders and thought that if I let it out while I walked past them, then they’d blame each other and I could get away scot-free and - shut up! It wasn’t funny!”

Tambry clutched her side as she bent over, not even the sharp pain from her bruised limbs stopping the laughter as she spasmed.

“I couldn’t help it!” Wendy snapped. “I bet Thompson that I could eat more than him and next thing I know, there’s all this pressure in my gut and-”

“You tried to blame it on the football team!” Tambry cried, pointing at her.

“I do it all the time at home!” Wendy snapped, glowing red. “I just walk by, let it out, and let my brothers fight each other over who did it! But I didn’t think it’d make those girls sick! I had to blame it on a stink bomb! There’s no way I could let people know that was a fart!”

“Oh, my God, this is fantastic! Did you have to change your underwear too?”

“Yes. Ah, sonuva-!” Wendy ground her teeth as she watched Tambry almost double-over. “If that little witch ever crosses my path, I’m going to smash her face in all over again,” Wendy promised as she waited for the laughter to die.

“Wow, that potion really is strong,” Tambry said, sounding impressed when she could stand again, wiping tears from her eyes. “Not as strong as those chilli dogs, but a different kind of chemistry, I guess.” Then she frowned suddenly, looking thoughtful. “You positive it was Jenna? That gave you the truth serum, I mean?”

“Well, yeah,” Wendy said, glad to see that her amusement had finally ended but puzzled by the question. “Magic potions were her specialty. And I’m the one who knocked her teeth out so it makes sense she’d want to come after me.”

“That’s what I’m talking about,” Tambry said, nodding. “That girl was freaking evil. She abused the Manotaurs, experimented on the boys, enslaved half the guys in town to fight for her, and then traded Dipper’s life for her freedom. Why wouldn’t she give you poison, or the plague, or something that made you explode? You wanted to rip my hair out, just because I dated Robbie after you broke up with him-”

“That’s because you kept dating my exes!”

“I only did it three times, Wendy! How the hell am I supposed to keep track of all the boys you’ve dated when you can’t even do it?”

Wendy said something under her breath and Tambry rolled her eyes, deciding not to push that subject. “All I’m saying is that truth serum is pretty lame for someone like that. If I had that kind of power, I’d do something way worse than that to my enemies and, unlike her, I’m not a psycho. Even if she knew about the wedding, it’s more of an inconvenience or a prank than proper revenge.”

Wendy frowned. Tambry’s words did ring true now that she thought about it. Ford had double-tested the chocolates and hadn’t found anything dangerous about them. So why would Jenna Myles settle for such a petty retaliation? Even if it were some part of a larger scheme, what would be the benefit of forcing her to tell the truth?

“Who else could it have been?” she said, partly asking herself.

Tambry shrugged. “You tell me? The professor? She’s smart?”

“She doesn’t know anything about potions. Not that I know of, at least. Besides, I think she’d rather use the flamethrower again.”

“Did you ever find out how she found out about those clones?”

“Asked Mendez one day and she gave me this funny look and told me I was better off not knowing. Decided not to press it.”

“Disturbing. Probably best you didn’t then, yeah. Doesn’t seem like the style of the Cipher Cult either, so I guess it must’ve been her.”

“If it is someone else, we’ll probably find out sooner or later,” Wendy sighed. “One good thing about bad guys is that they’re always megalomaniacs and can’t stop boasting eventually.”

“You’d think if they’re smart enough to come up with an evil plan, they’d be smart enough to keep their mouths shut about it too,” Tambry muttered. “It’s been a while since we spoke like this,” she noted as they left the road and reached the edge of town. “About something that wasn’t high school or adults. I can’t even remember what our last serious conversation was about.”

“I can,” Wendy grunted. “I spoke to you about the Principal, remember? About what I did.”

“Oh,” Tambry winced, looking at her friend apologetically. “I - I’m sorry. I forgot all about that.”

“Wish I could,” Wendy muttered bitterly. “I’ve done some dumb, selfish crap in my life but ruining a man’s life?” She shook her head. “God, I don’t even know where to begin apologising for that one. Not that I can since he left town.”

“Hey, you’re not the one who ruined it, okay?” Tambry said, her voice quiet but forceful. “Cipher did that. Him and his damn weirdness bubbles. What happened to him was awful but you didn’t know.”

Wendy didn’t respond, deciding that she didn’t want to hear her own honest opinion about it, let alone tell someone so close to her. 

Tambry let out a sigh. “Listen, Wendy, I see that’s bugging you. I get it. But if someone you cared about felt responsible for accidentally hurting someone, what would you say to them?”

Wendy stopped in her tracks. She thought of Mabel, the closest thing she had to a little sister. She remembered their discussion on the day they met Pink, a couple of months ago and years in the past, sitting on a bench not that far away. 

“I’d tell them it wasn’t their fault. That they shouldn’t blame themselves for what Bill Cipher did. That he was a monster and they were just another victim. And that just - just because they made a few mistakes...they’re still a good person.”

“There,” Tambry said, putting a hand on her arm. “That’s how I feel about you. Does that help?”

“A little,” Wendy said slowly and with great reluctance. They found a bench and Wendy slumped down on it, her hands deep in her pockets. “But I wouldn’t call myself a good person, Tambry. Maybe I’m not exactly a bad guy but...I’m no angel, either.”

“Yeah, you’re definitely more of a devil,” Tambry agreed, sitting beside her. “But you know who’s worse? That Stan guy you used to work for. He was an outright criminal and he still saved the town. And besides, your behaviour’s gotten way better. Even before the thing at school, you were working on your grades and stuff. Those kids have been a good influence on you.”

“Yeah, they have. Just hope I can repay the favour.”

“I think you’re already doing that. Mabel really listened to whatever your clone said during that sleepover. And look at everything you’ve done for Dipper. He’s really changed from that nervous little kid who came with us to the convenience store. Plus, he seems to finally be getting over that dumb crush so that will mean no more awkwardness whenever you two sit next to each other or whatever.”

“Not from him at least.”

“What?”

“Damn! Stupid truth serum,” Wendy cursed, clenching a fist as she unwillingly explained. “I mean, I’ve been the weird one for a change. Wendy Two’s little prank has been causing me major problems-”

“Good, you deserve everything coming to you after throwing me and Robbie around because of one stupid photo,” Tambry told her, painfully rubbing at her shoulder.

Wendy glared at her. “I want to insult you but actually agree I overreacted and feel a little bad for taking out my anger on you and Robbie but don’t want to admit that - agh! Piece of-!”

“Glad to hear it. Apology mostly accepted.”

“Mostly?”

“My back really hurts and Robbie still can’t bend his knee without wincing so I figure I owe you one last mean thing and then we’ll be even, I promise. Now, what were you saying about the kid? Because if his crush has come back then that was all your clone’s fault and you’re the one who made her, so you’ve-”

“Only got myself to blame, I know,” Wendy finished, grumpily. “No, we talked and he accepted that it wasn’t like that. He’s taking it way better than I thought he would, to be honest. He does this odd little smile sometimes, and I’m pretty sure he’s thinking about Wendy Two, but that’s it. I’m the weird one for a change.” 

“You are?” Tambry asked, confused. “Why?”

“I can’t tell you,” Wendy stated. “It’s got to do with this thing that happened at the start of summer, with this brother and sister, and I hoped I’d get over it but it’s taking too long and now it’s making me tense around Dipper. I know that sounds vague and confusing, but it’s not my place to say anything else. So I’m asking you as a friend, please just skip it.”

Tambry sighed. “Alright, Wendy, I’ll-”

“Or else I’ll hurt you.”

“Right. Well. Like I was saying before you added your unnecessary threat, sure, I’ll move on. But I will say that I wouldn’t worry about it too much. You two will be fine. Come next summer, you’ll be adventuring with him and his sister every week, just like you are now.”

Wendy frowned and looked at her friend, hearing something unusual in her voice, a tinge of sadness she didn’t quite understand. “Tambry? You okay?”

Tambry let out a slow breath, trying to find the right words. “I...miss this, you know? I miss  _ us _ . These talks and spending time together, just me and you. But you’re right. This is our last year. And we’re probably going in different directions after it. I was hoping we’d make the most of the time we have left but you’ve been spending all summer at the Shack. And I’m not criticizing you!” she quickly added, seeing Wendy open her mouth. “I’ve been doing the same thing with Robbie. But now I wish I’d spent more time with my best friend. Especially while I’m still yours.”

“What do you mean? Of course you’re my best friend.”

“But I’m not your only one,” Tambry sighed. “You’ve said the same to Dipper. I know some people can have more than one, but I can’t. And I also know that you two have been getting closer while we’ve been drifting a little further apart outside of school. Again, I’m not blaming anyone! I’ve got Robbie and I wouldn’t trade that for anything. Not even you. So I get it. But it still makes me a little sad inside that things are changing. Even if those changes are also making me happier than I’ve been in years.”

Wendy scratched her head under her hat. It was true that they weren’t spending as much time together. There was no one to blame for that. She wanted to make the most of her time with Dipper and Mabel while she could. Meanwhile, Tambry and Robbie obviously wanted to spend as much of what could be their last free summer with each other. And, like Tambry, as sad as that thought was, she didn’t think she’d do it differently if she could. But it still gnawed at her a little, feeling the growing gap between her oldest friend, the person who had been there through some of the worst times of her life.

“You, uh, you were the person who helped me most when Mom left,” she said. She rubbed the back of her neck and looked away, never comfortable discussing that topic with anyone. “When Dad started drinking and I had to look after the house and the boys...I didn’t know what I was doing. Felt like I had the world on my shoulders and no idea how to cope. But you helped me. And not just with the cooking and the cleaning. You listened to me during the hardest time of my life. Then you did it again with Weirdmageddon and the Principal. Whatever happens, I can’t thank you enough for being there when I needed you and nothing can change that, Tambry. I, uh, I just wanted you to know that,” she finished, lamely, still avoiding eye contact.

Tambry watched her friend awkwardly shifting beside her, feeling touched. She looked around for something that might give her inspiration for a reply. Her eyes settled on a pair of kids, young girls, running around and playing with each other nearby. 

“Look at that,” she said, nudging Wendy and pointing to them. “Remember when we used to ride through town on our trikes? Carefree and oblivious to how complicated the world is.” She leaned her neck against the back of the bench and watched the clouds. “When the hell did we get so  _ old _ ?”

“I don’t know!” Wendy groaned, slumping down further. “What the hell’s going on? I thought we wouldn’t have our midlife crisis until we were fifty! That’s a totally misleading name! Geez, I’d better warn Dipper and Mabel. God knows how they’re going to handle it. Dipper’s stressed enough as it is!”

“At least he’s got his sister. You’re the one who keeps telling me those two can handle anything as long as they’re together.”

“Good point. Won’t be easy but they’ll probably come out of it better than we will. Besides, they’re way smarter than us and if they can handle the apocalypse and everything else, they can handle high school.”

“In theory. About equal levels of stress I think.”

“Personally, I think high school is way more stressful.”

“I’m going to pretend the truth serum briefly stopped working and that was a joke.”

“Good call. You know, Mabel’s friends are starting at our school this year too. Think I’ll keep an eye on them, maybe give them the advice I wish someone had given me when I started.”

“Did you do that for your brother, too?”

“No, but I don’t like any of them and Marcus is the worst. Maybe I’ll give some tips to Gus and Kevin, when it’s their turn. Depends on if they quit bugging me.”

“Probably not, then. Hey, isn’t that Northwest girl starting too? What are you going to do about her?”

“Like I said, keep an eye on her and help her, Candy, and Grenda out.”

“Wait, really?” Tambry asked, looking at her in surprise. “But I thought you guys were rivals or whatever? Why would you help her out with anything?”

“Eh, that was mostly because she was jealous over Dipper. Maybe I could, I don’t know, help steer her down the right path or some goody-two-shoes crap like that. Plus, I think she hates her dad even more than I do so she can’t be all that bad.”

“You really are different,” Tambry said, still struggling to believe it, despite the truth serum. “The Wendy I grew up with would’ve loved watching her suffer after treating everybody like crap and walking around town with her nose in the air for so long.”

“Probably,” Wendy admitted, putting her hands behind her head to lean back and gaze at the clouds above them. “But she’s been a good friend to Dipper and Mabel and I owe her something for that.”

“Wow. Thought she would’ve gone berserk after she saw that picture of Dipper making out with your copy.”

“They did not make out,” Wendy growled. “I know you’re saying that just to get a rise out of me and I’m a bit annoyed with myself that it’s working, but I don’t need you reminding me of it, let alone exaggerating the details. Besides, Dipper had a little chat with her too and they agreed to be friends.”

“Guess you’re not the only one to have changed,” Tambry said, returning her gaze to the sky to join her friend in watching the clouds float past.

Wendy gave a chuckle. “Yeah, you’re right. Old Pacifica would’ve gone mental at being turned down by any guy. She’d probably try some stupid, petty revenge scheme or something to get back at him.”

“Hell hath no fury. Sexist but true.”

Wendy smiled for the first time since that morning, feeling a little at ease as she tried to decide if one particular cloud looked more like a rocket taking off or an upside-down mushroom cloud.

Then she frowned as her own words started to settle in. The frown deepened as she thought back to the events of that morning. After a few more seconds of deep thinking and internal swearing, her scowl was enough to scare children.

“Hey, Tambry, can you do me a favour and go get that hair-removing stuff to bring to the Shack?” she asked, keeping her voice calm and returning her face to a neutral expression. “Normally I just go over everything with my axe but I’d like to try it once as an alternative.”

“Sure. Wait, you mean right now?”

“Sooner is better than later,” Wendy said, jumping to her feet. “I won’t come with you - neither of us want me being too honest around your parents. And here, take my axe too.”

“Um, why?” Tambry asked, looking alarmed and confused as Wendy removed the holster from her belt and dropped the sheathed weapon in her lap.

Wendy shrugged. “Melody doesn’t want me bringing it to the wedding and it’ll be safe at your place. And this way I won’t be tempted to use it,” she added as quietly as she could while she walked away. “See you at the Shack!” she yelled over her shoulder, going back the way they came for appearance’s sake, mentally planning a path through the woods that would take her to Greasy’s Diner.

Tambry shook her head as she watched her go, clumsily moving the axe in her hands to a more comfortable position before starting her journey home. “Thanks, Wendy, always wanted to carry a deadly weapon down the street,” she said under her breath. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and was shocked to see that it had been over an hour since she’d last checked it and almost two since her last status update. She desperately wanted to fix that grievous error but had to delay it a little longer. There was a more pressing matter.

Tambry scrolled through her abundant list of contacts until she found the right one and hit call, putting it to her ear. “Hello, Marcus? It’s Tambry. I’ve got some juicy information that - what?  _ Tambry. _ Yes, that one, how many other Tambrys do you know? Never mind how I got your number, do you want to hear some embarrassing things about your sister or not? Thought that’d shut you up,” she said, smiling wickedly as she rolled her aching, bruised shoulders, deciding this would do nicely as the final compensation for the clone fiasco.


	6. Chapter 6

They had been sitting at the diner booth for a long time now. The seconds ticked by with agonizing slowness, Gideon and Pacifica shifting uncomfortably as Phil continued to glare.

He'd barely spoken since they’d left the Shack. He had said a few words to Susan when they entered the diner but nothing to them, only letting his glare intensify when they’d tried to speak. 

Pacifica suspected it might be an interrogation technique he’d been taught as a cop. Or something he’d learned raising his own child. Or both. Either way it was effective. At first she had been dreading whatever he was going to say to them. Now the silence was so heavy she was almost eager for him to say something, even if she knew they wouldn’t like it. 

Phil tapped the table with the fingers of his human hand, watching them squirm. “Why?” he demanded when he decided they’d had enough.

Pacifica and Gideon shared a glance, trying to decide who should answer and how best to do it.

Gideon swallowed. “We thought-”

“Not. You.” Phil gave the boy a piercing look that made him quail before he turned his full attention to Pacifica. “Why?” he asked again.

Pacifica licked her lips as she briefly thought of what to say. Amazing that she was struggling to think of a response after being so desperate for an end to the silence. "We...no,  _ I  _ wanted to know what Wendy thought of Dipper. Because of the - the kiss. Thing. With, uh, with her clone. So I came up with an idea to use truth potions."

"But she didn't know where to make them so I told her about-"

"Shut up," Phil told the young boy, holding up a warning finger. "I'll get to you in a minute. Continue," he commanded, turning back to Pacifica.

Pacifica gave Gideon a sympathetic look for trying to come to her aid and suffering for it but decided not to do anything else about it. They were on thin ice already and she didn't want to make things worse. "I called Gideon. I asked him if he knew about something that would make her be honest and he said a formula was mentioned in the second journal. Then I asked for his help and we, uh, we got the ingredients and I...poured it on some chocolates I put in Wendy's mailbox. But I didn't think she was going to give some to the others!" she quickly added. "Really! It never even crossed my mind, I assumed she'd eat them all for herself! If I'd known Soos and the Pines family would be affected, I wouldn't have done it!"

"Well, I guess that makes it alright then, doesn't it?" Phil sarcastically replied. "How nice to see that you only wanted to poison one person for your own needs and not a bunch."

"It wouldn't have hurt her," Pacifica said, a little indignation creeping into her voice even as she blushed. "Gideon made sure of that."

"I'll remember that if anyone ever tries to slip something in your food," Phil sneered. "Who cares how it makes you act, as long as you're still standing afterwards?" He turned to Gideon as Pacifica looked away, unable to respond. "And you. For whatever reason, Pacifica seems to like you. I don't. I think you've done too much to too many people and this town's too hasty to forgive you for it," he stated, indifferent to the boy's flinch. 

"But I'm just the driver so Pacifica's allowed to make any friends she wants and I won't come between that unless they threaten her safety. But I will give you a bit of advice on being a better person, which Mabel and Pacifica seem to think you're trying to be." He leaned closer. "Good people try to stop their friends from doing bad things, especially when it's bound to get other people hurt. So what do you have to say to that, smart guy? Huh?"

"I, I don't -" Gideon began, struggling to think of a reply as Pacifica said something under her breath.

"What was that?" Phil snapped, giving her a sharp look.

Pacifica let out a frustrated sigh. "I said, 'he did', alright? He did try. Several times. Yesterday and today. I basically begged him to help me and used every manipulative trick I could think of to convince him. And even then he kept asking if I was sure and told me I could stop at any time if I wanted to. But I didn't." She looked down. "I used our friendship as leverage. You want to yell at us, go ahead, but don't call Gideon the bad guy when I'm the one who used him."

Gideon rubbed his neck. He was used to people coming to his defense. His parents used to do it for every tantrum and outburst, no matter how extreme. Likewise, the prisoners he became attached to while in prison. They'd threatened any guard or therapist who had dared criticise him, even when he was stirring up trouble just to amuse himself. But for some reason it didn't make his actions feel justified this time. It only made him feel worse.

"I let you use me, Pacifica," he said, softly. "I'm smart enough to know what you were doing; I'd done it often enough myself. But I still went along with it instead of trying harder or outright refusing."

"What, is this supposed to make a difference?" Phil said, raising his eyebrows and looking at them both. "That you feel guilt? You know, there used to be some arguments among the force about criminals like that. Which was worse, a criminal who felt bad but still did the crime, or the criminal who never felt bad for anything? You want to discuss the philosophy of that argument, you can talk to your buddy Snake Eyes-"

"Ghost Eyes," Gideon mumbled.

"I don't care!" Phil yelled, slamming a hand on the counter. "You both messed up!"

There was another heavy silence, made worse this time by the shush that fell over the diner at the outburst. Susan came over to check that everything was alright, Phil apologising and ordering tea for himself and milk for the kids, though neither had asked. Then the silence resumed as they waited for their order, the youths waiting for the adult to continue.

Phil drummed his fingers on the table again. "Do you know how you know you're doing something wrong instead of something that's only selfish?" he asked them at last.

"Um, aren't they kinda the same thing?" Pacifica said, puzzled.

"Not necessarily," Gideon said, slowly. "Ghost Eyes would say that some people do bad things for selfless reasons. Conversely, some people do good things for selfish reasons. He'd also speak at length about the definition of right and wrong depending on multiple factors like religion, laws, personal versus societal beliefs, etcetera - but I'm highly doubtin' that's the answer you were lookin' for," he quickly finished, seeing the look on Phil's face.

"When you're selfish, you hardly know it," Phil said through clenched teeth. "We've all been selfish. Me, both of you, hell, even Mabel and Soos have been selfish without meaning it. Usually, it comes as a surprise when someone calls you out for it because it never occurred to you that it could be seen that way. It's why it happens so often. But when you do something that you know is  _ wrong,  _ you are aware. You try to hide it. So, why didn't you come to me for help?" he asked Pacifica. "You know how I feel about Corduroy. I helped you out with her rogue clones and liked it more than I probably should have. Why not ask for my advice instead of sneaking around behind my back and lying about where you were and what you were doing?"

Pacifica swallowed as he held her gaze. She wanted to lie. She really did. Or maybe say something witty or sarcastic or even spiteful, like she would have a year ago. Anything to stop him looking at her like that. But instead, she told the truth.

"You would have told me not to or convinced me that it was wrong. It wasn't just about getting the truth from Wendy, it was about making her suffer for what she did. Heck, it wasn't even really her but I still wanted her to pay for it because I felt bad and I wanted her to feel bad too. Share the pain. But you would have stopped me. And I didn't want to be stopped, even if I knew I was doing a bad thing for a bad reason."

Phil grunted. "Nice to see that you can be honest in the end. And all it takes is for someone to figure it out and force the truth from you."

"Oh, come on Phil! I know I messed up but-"

"Then why haven't you confessed, huh?" he hissed. "You had plenty of opportunities at the Shack. But all you did was lie and fake ignorance. Hell, you even let someone else take the blame for it!"

Gideon cleared his throat. "Well, to be fair to Pacifica, Jenna Myles is a despicable individual by even my old villainous standards."

"Yeah, if you knew what she did, you wouldn't care what we blamed her for," Pacifica hastily agreed. "She's a monster, a murderous piece of-"

"There we go!" said Phil, his eyes flashing in anger. "See? The moment an excuse comes up, you latch onto it! I don't care if she eats puppies for breakfast, that does not give you the right to blame her for someone else's crimes, especially not your own! And you're still ignoring the point! Why are we here when you should be apologising to Soos and Melody for causing so much trouble for them, potentially ruining the best day of their lives? Well? Go on, answer me."

"Because - it wouldn't solve anything right now and if I did then they'd have more to worry about-"

"No," Phil growled, holding up a warning finger. "You're finally being honest with me here, Pacifica, so don't you dare ruin that streak now. Tell me the real reason, not the one you want me to believe."

Pacifica clenched her fists under the table, wishing he would let her at least use this one last excuse. But it looked like she wouldn't get to keep even that.

"I want to go to the wedding. I want to feel like I'm part of a happy family for once, to share a special moment with friends. To hang out with Mabel and hopefully dance with Dipper. Maybe Soos and Melody would forgive me and let me come anyway. Mabel might too. But I can't risk that with Dipper. I know it's stupid and childish but I've been dreaming about dancing with him like this for so long and I don't want to jeopardise that."

"And we finally get to the heart of the matter," Phil growled. "You two care more about spending the day with your crushes than you do about a couple celebrating their love."

"Oh, come on, that's not fair!" Pacifica protested.

"We never meant for any of this to happen!" Gideon piped in. "It was a stupid mistake that got out of hand!"

"Yeah, I just want one more special day with them before they leave! I swear, after the wedding, I'll confess to everything and find some way to make it up to all of them!"

"Oh, will you now?" Phil said, raising a sceptical eyebrow. "Even if that means those Pines kids get upset and don't want to spend their last week with either of you? Even if they decide to rescind their invitations to their birthday or saying goodbye at the bus stop?"

Pacifica opened her mouth, her promise dying in her throat as she thought of being unable to see either of them before they returned home for another nine months. Beside her, Gideon looked down at his hands, thinking of how much damage he'd done to the Pines family, wondering if he'd squandered the second chance Mabel had offered him.

Phil looked between them. "Aye, that's what I thought," he sighed, wishing at least one of them had surprised him. "Still, I guess you'd better make the most of the time you've got left with your friends."

"What does that mean?" she asked quietly, something about the way he said it filling her with a growing sense of dread.

"It means, Pacifica Northwest, that you took advantage of me and I'm not going to let that slide," he answered, giving her a cold look. "When I took this job, your father instructed me to watch over you at all times, even if that restricted your freedom. Old habits die hard, I guess," he grunted as Pacifica narrowed her eyes. "He also suggested that I try to convince you to quit your job and make different friends. 'Encourage her to find an occupation that won't tarnish our good name and to stop associating with her inferiors' was the phrase he used if I recall correctly. I decided to ignore those orders because I thought you deserved the chance to make your own choices. Even if I didn't agree with them," he added with a nod towards Gideon, who frowned. 

"And in response, you lied to me, went behind my back, and decided to potentially put yourself and your little pal here in danger. So now I'm going to have to keep a closer eye on you until I feel like I can trust you again. Which is why, from the moment I arrive at your house until I leave, I won't be letting you out of my sight except when I leave you at school."

"Wait, what?" Pacifica cried. "Phil, you can't! I'm trying to get people to stop seeing me as the spoiled rich girl, I can't have my bodyguard drop me off! And I'm finally starting to make friends! Do you have any idea how hard it will be to make more if you're always there? This is exactly why I wanted you to be my bodyguard - because I thought you'd give me some space!"

"And look what happened," he growled. "Actions have consequences, Pacifica. You should have thought of that before you chose to cause trouble just because your crush doesn't like you back."

"Like you wouldn't do the same to your ex-wife's boyfriend!"

She regretted the words before she finished saying them, even Gideon letting out a hiss at the flash of pain on the man's face.

"Oh," she whispered. "Oh, Phil. I am so,  _ so  _ sorry." She reached her hand out to his but he pulled it away.

"Your shift's about to start," he said, looking out the window. "Go do your job. Leave me alone to do mine."

She stared at him, regretting the last few seconds more than anything else she'd done that day. She turned to Gideon, desperately hoping he could offer something that would help make the pain go away for at least one of them. But she knew that was too much to ask of the poor boy and felt her guilt grow at expecting even more from him after everything else he’d done for her that day.

“Pacifica, I-”

“It’s okay, Gideon,” she told him, somehow managing to smile. “Thanks for going along with me. But you should go home. I need to get changed for my shift.”

And without saying anything else, she slid out of the booth and made her way to the back, fetching her uniform from her locker, and gave Susan a little smile to pretend the older woman had nothing to be concerned about before making her way to serve the customers.

She passed Phil as quickly as she could, too ashamed of herself and her actions to even look at him. But she paused when she saw that Gideon hadn’t left, only moved a few booths down from where they had all sat a minute ago.

“What are you still doing here?” she asked him, surprised.

He shrugged. “Figured I’d stick around a while longer. In case you needed something else. Think you might still need a friend to help you out with whatever happens next.”

She smiled again, this time more sincerely. “Thanks, Gideon. You’re actually an okay guy when you-”

“Besides, I think someone needs to give you some lessons on sharing and other norms.”

“Ha!”

“Wasn’t actually joking. Considering what happened this afternoon, I’ve decided to make it my personal mission to teach you about manners and other social behaviour. You need some serious help in that regard, Pacifica Northwest.”

“Oh,” she said, annoyance wiping the smile off her face. “Well, that’s...nice of you? I guess.”

“Any time!” he answered brightly, returning to his menu.

She shook her head as she walked past, wondering if this was that karma thing people had warned her about. 

But Phil’s words stuck with her as she worked, almost as much as her own to him. She considered how to apologise, but she knew even less about that than sharing. Too many years spent getting her own way, no matter the cost, financial or otherwise. It was times like this she missed being the self-centred brat who didn’t care how her actions affected other people.

Though those days might not be as far gone as she thought, considering her recent behaviour.

She avoided Phil’s booth as much as she could, even going the long way to the kitchen or till to avoid passing him. Partially because she wanted some time to think of the best way to make it up to him. But mostly because the memory of the way he’d looked at her made her belly knot so much it made her queasy. 

As time went on, she finally worked up the nerve to glance over. He was still staring out the window, with a cup of tea at his elbow and the two glasses of milk he’d ordered for her and Gideon standing untouched.

She didn’t know why but that sight made her feel a little empty inside.

When it was time to take out the trash she jumped at it, despite sometimes struggling with them due to her size. But it was a welcome excuse to get out of the diner for a few moments, unable to use her normal work as a distraction from the outside stresses like she normally did.

She pushed the bags into the trash bin with a grunt, wiping her brow and listening to the natural silence of nature. “Why do I keep disappointing the people I like?” she asked the woods, wishing someone could give her the answer she needed.

Instead, a hand landed on her head and started to squeeze with ludicrous strength.

“Hello, Pacifica,” Wendy growled. “I’d like to have a few words.”

_ “Ow ow ow ow!”  _ Pacifica gasped as fingers like iron dug into her skull.

“Not the words I was looking for, but they are making me feel a little better,” Wendy said before letting go.

Pacifica hissed as she clutched her head, glancing around and noting with some relief that the older girl appeared to be alone. That relief quickly died when she realised that they were alone together.

“Uh, h-hi, Wendy!” Pacifica said with too much cheer, swallowing thickly as her eyes darted towards the diner’s back door and wondered if Phil would be able to hear her screams over the noise from the kitchen and if he’d make it in time even if he could. “W-what would you like to talk about?”

Wendy loomed over her, the younger girl taking a step back at the look in her eyes. “You know damn well what I want to talk about! I came here wanting to hit you so hard you wouldn’t be able to walk straight, so don’t you dare deny what you did!”

Pacifica saw the fury in those emerald green eyes and would have believed her even without the truth serum. She knew the redhead had a reputation for being cool under pressure, but it wasn’t the first time she’d seen her this mad. When their bodies had been stolen by three old women, when Bill had Stan and Ford in his clutches, and when they’d all worked together to save both men and Dipper from Jenna and her enslaved army. 

All times when people she cared about were being threatened.

She was surprised to find that her fear suddenly vanished, sagging as a wave of weariness washed over her and removed any intention to flee or resist at all. Instead she took a deep breath. “Yeah, alright. Just give me a sec.”

Wendy stood up a little straighter, confused by her target's reaction. She was so confused, she didn’t even try to stop her as she slowly walked towards the diner’s back door, though that was in part because she knew her longer legs and impressive speed would let her catch up to her in no time if she did try and run, but something told her that wasn’t what was happening.

Pacifica opened the door a crack and called through it. “I’m going on break! I’ll be out here so don’t worry if you can’t see me!”

“Okay, dearie, you rest up!”

Pacifica didn’t reply as she let the door swing shut, slowly walking back to the tall redhead. She spread out her arms when she reached her, screwing her eyes shut and bracing for the impact. “Okay, I’m ready. Go ahead.”

As she stood there, she recalled a scene that at the time had been as satisfying as it had been shocking: a boot striking a witch’s face with enough force to knock out her teeth and send her flying. She hoped Wendy wasn’t quite  _ that  _ angry with her.

That image flashed through her head a few times as the seconds passed, making her grimace from expectation. Then a few more seconds passed with nothing happening and her curiosity overpowered her caution enough to force one eye open, wondering if it would make the blow hurt more or less if she saw it coming.

Wendy stood with her head cocked to the side. “What are you doing?”

“Umm...waiting for you to hit me so hard I won’t be able to walk straight?”

Wendy frowned. “Is this some sort of reverse psychology?”

“Nope,” Pacifica sighed. “Just me accepting the inevitable. Listen, I don’t mean to rush you but can you get it over with? Phil could pop out at any second and no matter how mad at me he is, I doubt he’d let you get away with this.” She closed her eyes again and prepared herself as best she could, not feeling quite so resolute this time.

Wendy stared at her. “You’re serious. You’re really willing to stand there while I wail on you.”

Pacifica gave a brief nod. “I manipulated one friend, lied to another, and caused trouble for a whole family of people who’ve treated me better than I deserve on what should be one of the most important days of their lives. All to get back at you for something you didn’t even do.”

She opened her eyes and looked at the ground. “I’m the bad guy, Wendy. I thought I’d stopped that but I was just kidding myself. The only difference is that now I can accept it when I need to be punished.”

She closed her eyes for the third time, this time struggling to maintain her composure as she prepared herself as best she could. “Just - hurry up. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be able to stand here waiting for it.”

Wendy looked the girl up and down, trying to figure out if this was some Northwest trick. It didn’t feel like one. Then she noticed her grimace and the slight tremble in the girl’s legs. 

She sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Put your arms down, Pacifica. I’m not going to hit you.”

“You’re not?” Pacifica repeated blankly, her arms dropping to her side. “But you said-”

“Yeah, I know what I said!” Wendy snapped. “I really did mean to beat the crap out of you when I realised what you did, doesn’t mean I would have done it!”

“What? How does that make sense?”

“It makes perfect sense! It’s one of those situations where you psych yourself up for something, then you finally get your chance and realise your heart isn’t into it after all. Like when you tell yourself that you’re going to treat yourself to that new phone but when you arrive at the store, you see the price tag and suddenly realise that you don’t want it enough to pay that much, even though you were a minute ago.”

“Never had that problem.”

Wendy glared at her, suddenly reminded of the vast difference in their families wealth, even when the Northwests were at their lowest point. “It’s like when you really want to eat a dessert but then you think of the carbs and decide it’s not worth it.”

“Oh, I get you now.”

“I’m not speaking personally. I don’t put on weight, no matter how much junk I eat.”

“Your butt says otherwise,” Pacifica muttered, peering round her.

“See? It happened again. Came this close to smacking you but then I thought better of it. Want to try and say something like that again, see if it’ll be the same for the third time?”

“Uh, no, I’m good, thanks,” Pacifica said quickly, deciding she shouldn’t push it when she’d already come so close to sending her over the edge.

“Thought not,” Wendy grunted.

“So. You’re not going to beat me. Have you...told the others yet that it was me?” she asked quietly. 

“Oh. Hadn’t thought of that,” Wendy admitted. She mulled it over for a little bit, but didn’t take long to reach her decision. “Nah. I’m good. Well, not unless someone asks me directly, but I don’t think that’s likely.”

“You - what? Why not?” Pacifica asked, bewildered. “I caused you guys so much trouble! Even if I didn’t mean for it to hit the others, I definitely meant for you to suffer! Why are you letting me off like this?”

Wendy shrugged. “What good would it do? Melody and Ford I’m not sure about but I think Stan and Abuelita would be furious, even if Soos, Dipper and Mabel would probably forgive you. You want to tell them go ahead - but wait till after tomorrow. In fact, I’d wait until after Dipper and Mabel leave. They don’t have much time left and it should be spent having fun with them, not trying to apologise for one mistake.”

Pacifica stared at her, unable to believe that Wendy Corduroy of all people was advising her to commit to the crime she was the intended target for. "Are  _ you _ trying reverse psychology?"

Wendy scoffed. "Totally not my style, even if I thought I could do it. I'm more into the direct approach."

"Then what’s wrong with you? Why are you being nice to me after everything I've done?" she demanded.

"Because I know what it's like to do something stupid and selfish and for it to get out of hand," Wendy answered simply. "Hell, last week I accidentally made an evil clone army just to get out of being grounded! Jeez, Pacifica, you think you've got the monopoly on being a selfish jerk? Dipper and Mabel have done their share too. But we say we're sorry, talk to our friends about it and then we try to do better next time."

"As simple as that?" Pacifica asked doubtfully.

Wendy gave her a look. "No," she said quietly. "No, it's much harder than it sounds. At least it is if you're doing it right. Chances are you're going to promise yourself you'll never do anything like that again and then do it anyway, either because you forgot or you come up with some lame excuse. Like I keep doing. But, hopefully, one day the message will finally sink in and we'll learn to stop causing trouble for the people around us.

"Listen, Pacifica, I’m still mad at you and think you should eventually come clean, but I get how hard that can be. And I'm also trying to be a better person and not always succeeding so I can see where you're coming from. So, if you want, I can be there with you when you do it. Or talk to Soos and the others beforehand, tell them not to be too harsh or whatever. If I can decide to give you a break, I'm sure they can too."

"...Why would you do that for me? We're not friends."

"No, we're not. But you are Dipper and Mabel's friend and I care about them too much to have them miss you." She stuck her hands deep in her pockets before walking past, hopefully towards a cure for the serum or at least a relatively quiet night amongst friends before the excitement of the next day. "I’ll see you tomorrow, Pacifica. Stay out of trouble."

"Wait!"

Wendy paused and looked back, seeing the blonde watching her with a strange look; mostly anger but tempered with some fear and hesitation too.

Pacifica looked her up and down, very aware that this encounter could have turned out very badly for her. But this would be her only opportunity and she had to take the risk to settle this once and for all. "What does Dipper mean to you?"

"Are you serious?" Wendy growled, her anger returning as she turned to face her. "That's why you did all this? I thought it was just to get back at me! I've already told you a dozen times!"

"Well the evidence doesn't seem to match up to what you've been saying," Pacifica replied, folding her arms.

"What evidence?" Wendy demanded.

"Where do I even begin? What about the reason you dumped that Gill Reed guy?"

"Gill Reed was a loser and a creep!"

"Yeah, but that's not why you dumped him, is it? I heard that you'd beaten the crap out of one of your hundred boyfriends. And then I remembered what you started to say when we were ghosts, before you cut yourself short. I assumed it was because he'd tried to play Mister Grabby with that huge backside of yours and you didn't want to mention something like that in front of Mabel, but that wasn't it at all was it? See, I did some research-"

"Do you have any idea how creepy that sounds?"

"-and imagine my surprise when it turns out you spent a week in jail for assault over a hat," Pacifica sneered, ignoring her. "At first I didn't believe it but then I saw how you reacted when Jenna tried the same thing. Why? Why is a hat so important to you if you two are only friends?"

"Because he's not just my friend, he's my best friend! More than that, he's my hero, alright? That makes this hat a symbol, like those stupid What Would Buddha or Superman Do bracelets or t-shirts people wear to make them act better!"

"Clearly hasn't helped you," Pacifica said with snort.

"You think I don't know that?" Wendy snapped. "But I still want to be better and hopefully one day I'll be more like him!"

"Why do you even care about being more like him? You're already popular and cool, why would you-"

"Because he's better than me, dammit! He's brave and kind and smart and literally the best person I know! But for some reason he keeps looking up to me, and one day I'm scared that he's going to see the real me and be disappointed! I already let my Dad down half the time, I can't have Dipper look at me like that too!"

Pacifica faltered, taken aback by her words and the look of pain in Wendy's eyes as the truth was forced out. She knew all about disappointing a father, and how important it was to not to let people see how flawed you really were. But then her insecurities rose to the surface again and she pushed her sympathy aside.

"Then why did you trail off instead of telling us it was over your hat?" she demanded.

"Because it's none of your business! Besides, if I did, you would have gotten jealous and Mabel would have blown it way out of proportion. We had more important things to worry about - like getting our bodies back! - and I didn't need to deal with any more snide remarks from you or Mabel's constant teasing."

"Yeah, she is a nightmare for that," Pacifica grunted, unhappy that Wendy's answers were actually making sense but doing nothing to distil her concerns. "Okay then, what about when he was under the influence of that magic lust gem?"

" _ Uch, _ please don't bring that up," Wendy begged, putting a hand to her face.

"Not exactly my fondest memory either," Pacifica muttered, crossing her arms over her chest. "But looking back at it, I can't help but notice a discrepancy in your actions that day. You date Gill Reid for a month and then go berserk because he touched  _ Dipper's _ hat. Then,  _ Dipper _ gives you a spank-"

"Don't call it a spank," Wendy groaned, turning red. "It makes me very uncomfortable."

"But all you did was stand there," Pacifica continued, turning red herself. "Not even a sharp word or growl. It's almost enough to make me suspect you're one of those weird spanking-liking-people."

"Spanking-liking-people?" Wendy repeated incredulously. "Geez, Pacifica, you're almost in high school, the word is masochist and-"

"Ah-ha!" Pacifica cried, pointing an accusing finger at her. "So you admit it!"

"I am not a masochist!" Wendy snapped, blushing harder now. "I didn't react because I was in shock! Hell, even now I still don't know how to react. I mean, Dipper and butt slapping? I still can't get my head around it, it's like it just doesn't compute!"

"Bet if Stan or Ford had done it, it would have turned out differently," Pacifica grunted.

Wendy narrowed her eyes. "Yes, it would have. Because it's bad enough when someone your own age does it, it's even worse when some old dude thinks they can get away with it. Especially if they insult you for rejecting them, like you should just go along with it, no matter how it makes you feel."

"Oh," said Pacifica, hearing the shift in tone. "I, uh, I'll take your word for it."

"You'll find out yourself, soon enough. Girl as pretty as you with that figure? You're going to be very popular in high school," Wendy told her, the words not sounding like a compliment. "Keep your wits about you and don't let them get away with it, not even once or they'll get it in their head that they can take advantage of you any time they want."

"Um, thanks for the heads up?" Pacifica replied, unsure what else to say.

Wendy watched the younger girl holding herself uncomfortably, not feeling very pleased with the advice she'd given. But she'd find out sooner or later and this way she'd at least be able to prepare for it. She'd had one or two similar conversations with Mabel and her other friends but still didn't feel like she'd done enough for them. She might have to make a few more, especially since Mabel would be in California and harder to reach if she needed it.

Then her mouth twitched a little as an idea popped into her head and she decided to find out where it would lead.

"You know, you're probably going to have a few jokes aimed your way, about the company you keep," Wendy said, keeping her tone level despite the potential amusement that would come.

“Yeah, I can hear the snide remarks right now," Pacifica sighed. "Spoiled rich girl, must think she’s better than us because her bodyguard drives her to school every morning and her father used to own half the town and acts like he still does."

"Well, there is that, but I was thinking more along the lines of who you hang out with during your free time."

"What, Candy and Grenda?" Pacifica asked, Wendy hiding her smile behind an expressionless face. "Who'd have a problem with that? Sure, they're odd and not very sociable, but I was the person who treated them the worst. Besides, they helped steer the Shacktron when it was fighting Bill, shouldn’t that have earned them some respect?”

"Eh, teenagers have a short-term memory for stuff like that," Wendy shrugged. "Basically, we're idiots. Hopefully we'll be among the lucky ones and grow out of that before we turn into dumber adults like most people do. But no, I was talking about your new pal. People will jump to conclusions you won't like."

Pacifica tilted her head to the side, confused by the inflection in her voice. It was like she was implying something...untoward? But then who could that be? She knew how she felt about Dipper - that was the whole reason she’d gotten them in this mess - and she barely knew any men apart from him anyway.

There was Phil; she spent more time with him than anyone these days. But that was his job. Besides, she didn’t think Wendy would consider something as gross or inappropriate as that, especially not after what she’d said about older men. In fact, with the exception of Phil and Dipper, the only male friend she had was -

Wendy’s lips twitched in amusement as she watched the younger girl’s reaction, noticing with delight that the corners of her mouth were slowly peeling back in offended disgust as her words sunk in.

“You cannot be serious,” she growled.

Wendy shrugged. “I’m just warning you that people like to talk. You guys seem to have really hit it off; spending time together, sharing several hobbies, similar habits. Etcetera. Not saying it’s a bad thing - in fact I think there’s something weirdly nice about you two hanging out. Cute, even,” she said, watching with growing amusement as Pacifica’s expression twisted further. “Didn’t think much of the relationship at the start, but now I think it’s nice that you’ve got a new boy friend-”

“He is not my boyfriend!” Pacifica screamed, throttling the air in frustration. “What the hell is wrong with people? Just because I’ve finally found a friend who likes some of the same stuff I do and we like hanging out, everybody keeps making these stupid jokes and comments because he happens to be a guy! God, he’s three years younger than me! Do you have any idea how weird it makes me feel when everyone assumes-”

Pacifica stopped suddenly, her own words echoing back at her and growing suspicious. Those suspicions were confirmed when she saw the broad grin plastered on Wendy’s face. “Oh. I see what you did there. I suppose you think that was clever of you?”

“Little bit,” Wendy confirmed, holding her fingers slightly apart. “But I also think you’re smart enough to see how annoying it is that people jump to conclusions when you just want to enjoy a good friendship.”

“Not the same and you know it,” Pacifica muttered darkly. “And if you don’t like people jumping to conclusions then why did you call Gideon my boyfriend?”

“Technically, I didn’t. I said ‘boy’ and then I said ‘friend’. Space in the middle. Like Thompson, Lee, and Nate are my boy friends even though I’ve never dated any of them and don’t want to.”

“Can’t help but notice that Dipper wasn’t on that list.”

Wendy threw her hands up in exasperation. “Alright, I give up. I’ve tried to be reasonable but it’s not getting through to you. Ask me straight up so we can put this to bed once and for all.”

“Fine,” Pacifica said, stepping forward until she was right in front of the taller girl, glaring up at her definitely. “Do you. Love him?”

Wendy blinked.

She hadn’t expected the L word.

She’d had a couple of boyfriends say it to her, whether they’d been dating for an afternoon or a few weeks. She’d even said it back once or twice, and meant it. At least, she liked to think she’d meant it at the time. Now she wasn’t so sure, not even when it had been with Robbie. All the men she’d dated had been more into her than she’d been into them, even if she’d been the one putting more work into their relationship.

She recalled the time Dipper had said it, when he’d mistaken the prone shapeshifter for her. How awkward and uncomfortable it had made her feel for someone so young to use such a heavy word like that, even during such an emotional moment. She’d quickly dismissed it as an exaggeration, seeing that he was just someone entering their teenage years and struggling with new feelings towards someone they cared for, made worse by the strange and intense urges puberty brought with it. 

Just like Pacifica was now.

Wendy felt her irritation at the younger girl fall away as she saw her actions in a different way, surprised to feel them being replaced with sympathy of all things.

“Of course I love him. But I’m not  _ in  _ love with him,” she added as quickly and gently as she could. “And I’m not attracted to him either.” 

“But one day you could be,” Pacifica growled, still not satisfied and ignoring the initial flash of pain her words had brought.

Wendy let out a weary sigh. “Yes. One day I could be. Right now he’s too young for me, too short, too sweaty. But one day all of that could change. Even if I don’t want it to. There. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

Pacifica continued to glare at her a few seconds longer before taking a step back. “No,” she admitted quietly, rubbing her arm as she seemed to shrink slightly. “Shouldn’t be surprised. I remember the look on your face when he appeared in that pink mist.”

“Oh. Him.” Wendy scowled, annoyed to recall the way the real version and the pink mirage had made her heart flutter as they stared into her eyes. “No, you’re right. I’m crushing hard for that guy.”

“You -WHAT!?” Pacifica screamed, seething with rage. “You just told me you weren’t into Dipper! What the hell, you hypocritical, lanky, ginger bi-”

“That is not our Dipper!” Wendy yelled, her hands in the air. “I keep telling you that! Ours is thirteen and can barely look a girl in the eye, that one’s thirty and married with kids!”

“Married to whom, I wonder?” Pacifica said, giving her a look.

“Now don’t start that again!” Wendy warned her. “Gave me serious issues last time, waking up from some dream about him - which was bad enough - only to then have to head to work and meet the thirteen year old version of the guy I’d been fantasising about. Do you have any idea how awkward that is? Imagine if you met a fit, handsome Gideon from the future-”

“Do not go there!” Pacifica warned her, holding up a stern finger. “Like that could ever even happen!”

“Yeah, well I didn’t think I’d ever meet a taller, older Dipper, but guess what? I did, I thought he was hot, that’s making me uncomfortable, and now there’s this annoying little blonde brat who keeps mentioning it - even when I want to forget about him because it’s making me weird around my best friend!”

“ _ You’re _ weird around  _ him _ ?” Pacifica narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “That makes a change. Why now? That was months ago.”

“Because of what you and Wendy Two did, you idiot!”

“Me?” Pacifica repeated blankly. “What did I do?”

“What you just did a moment ago! You brought up Other Dipper! See, I had rationalised it in my head that I couldn’t see our Dipper that way because they were two different people. Like being attracted to someone’s uncle or older brother; just because you see the family resemblance it doesn’t mean you have to be attracted to the younger one. But you kept suggesting that I was the one Other Dipper married - and then my FREAKING clone has to kiss the kid ON THE MOUTH - and now I can’t see it that way anymore!”

Pacifica’s eyes went wide. “So, you do-”

“I do not like Dipper!” Wendy snapped. “We’ve been over this! But before you and Wendy Two came along, I could never have imagined us togeth - oh, wait.”

“What?” Pacifica asked, not liking the redhead’s sudden silence.

“I forgot that he went back in time and I had a thing for him when I was five or something. So, apart from that, I’ve never - ah, crap. Just remembered that time during Weirdmageddon when we were turned into bird-people and I wanted to fly South and build a nest with him. Damn. Okay, but we were birds and wanted to eat worms so that doesn’t count either!”

“Bet Dipper wouldn’t agree,” Pacifica muttered, earning a glare. “Bet he’d be even happier to find out that the girl he likes could have a thing for him in a few years, judging by how you react to the older one.”

“Don’t you dare tell him! Mention one word of Other Dipper to ours and I will make you pay!” Wendy promised, shaking a fist.

Pacifica rolled her eyes. “Like I would ever do that. Relax, I’m not that bad, I know to keep my mouth shut until the Stans are ready to discuss what happened with Mabel. Besides, the last thing I want is for Dipper to think he has a chance with you when he grows up.”

“That’s why he can never know! Do you have any idea how much that would hurt him?”

Pacifica stared at her, unable to follow the logic. “Hurt him? What are you talking about?”

Wendy dragged her hand down her face, trying to think of the best way to explain it. Part of her felt like it would be a waste of time, Blondie had barely listened to anything else she’d been saying. But she had to at least try.

“Look, one of Dipper’s biggest faults is his insecurity, alright? Doesn’t matter what he’s done or what he’s trying to do, it’s like a part of him keeps telling him that it’ll never be good enough. You know that, right?”

Pacifica shifted on the spot. “Might know a little something about that,” she muttered.

Wendy tilted her head, remembering what Mabel and Dipper had told her about Pacifica’s upbringing and decided not to mention it. “Well, think of it like this: we’ll say that you and Dipper are the married couple with the twin girls in their dimension. Congrats. But we’re not in their dimension. I spoke to him a little bit before that werearmadillo showed up and they had different experiences. For one thing, it sounded like you guys never lost your fortune in that universe.”

“Hmm. Married to Dipper, twin girls, kept all my ponies. Keep going.”

Wendy rolled her eyes. “Fine. That’s a completely different life they’ve lived. You never worked at Greasy’s, your dad probably sent you to some fancy private school, hopefully they never dealt with Jenna or the Cipher Cult, whole adventures and conversations that we never had. Who knows what else could have happened, and how much of that is what brought you together in the end? But none of that’s happened here. And it probably won’t. Maybe Dipper will meet someone in California, or you’ll find a cute boy in your history class. Hell, maybe Dipper could end up gay for all we know! Stranger things have happened.”

“Would explain a lot about why he likes you. You’re pretty boyish, even if you stopped dressing in grubby man clothes.”

Wendy closed her eyes and counted to ten. “My point is: how does it make you feel to think that some other version of you’s with the person you like, knowing that it probably won’t be that way for you?”

Pacifica gave her a cold look, not liking the implication that it could be different in this universe. But then she remembered some of what Phil and Dipper had told her about the multiverse, and that Mabel had even been lost in another dimension once and met several hundred vastly different versions of herself. 

Anything was possible and everything would happen in at least one of them. That included a universe where she was married with children and finally had the family she’d always wanted.

It also meant trillions where she wasn’t.

And that - that made her feel a little cold inside. That she’d lost something. The idea that, try as she might, she couldn’t get the happy ending she wished for so much. Even if she thought of what she wanted right now; friends, Dipper, her father’s love, a normal family upbringing, it didn’t give her much comfort to think there was one version of herself with all that if this one didn’t.

Maybe that was shallow. Mabel might have been able to see it the opposite way, glad to hear that, as terrible as her life could get, there must be some version living life to the fullest. But she wasn’t Mabel. She was more of a ‘glass half-empty’ kind of girl, prone to insecurities and jealousy. Much like Dipper.

Pacifica let out a long, slow breath as she finally saw what Wendy meant. Dipper wouldn’t like the idea of knowing Wendy had feelings for a different version of himself. Any more than she would like it if Dipper were to develop a crush on a different version of her. Not after he’d turned her down, even if he had been gentle.

She frowned at Wendy, thinking hard as she tried to put herself in the older teen’s man-sized shoes. How frustrating it must be for her to feel this way towards a different version of someone who meant a lot to her, someone who also cared very much about her but wished they could be more. 

She tried to think of what Mabel would go through if she met a Gideon from the future, taller and older and more attractive -  _ ugh, that is such a weird thing to think, why did I have to picture that? _ \- and how hard it would be for her to deal with that, knowing the present Gideon’s feelings and unable to return them.

That would be a pretty hard thing to deal with.

“You okay?” Wendy asked, suddenly. “You just made a groaning sound and your face went weird.”

“Huh? Oh, sorry, I was just picturing a hot, older Gideon.” Pacifica’s eyes went wide as she realised what she’d just said, Wendy’s eyebrows shooting up. “No! Not like that! I-I-I mean so I could pair him with Mabel! No! So I could see what you were going through with Dipper! Liking a different guy who likes you back! You know what I mean!”

“God, I hope so,” Wendy said, shaking her head.

Pacifica threw her a look as her cheeks burned. “I was thinking of what it would be like if Mabel were going through the same thing with Gideon that you are with Dipper. That’s it. I didn’t look at it from your perspective. I can see why you’re struggling and I’ve made it worse. I’m...sorry, Wendy. You don’t deserve to have my crush cause trouble for your friendship.”

Wendy cocked her head to the side, considering the younger teen. “Apology accepted,” she decided after very little thought.

“What, just like that?”

“Melody accepted my apology, Tambry and I accepted each other’s, why shouldn’t I accept yours? We’ve all screwed up, we just need to learn to do better next time. But tell me something: what is it you see in Gideon? You seem to genuinely like each other, but on the surface I can’t see you two having much in common.”

Pacifica frowned, not sure how to answer. “Well, we both like our fashion and shopping. We share expensive tastes, it’s nice to find someone who’s read some of the classics that I have and he’s...I don’t know. There’s just this odd connection? I know that sounds vague-”

“Nah, I get it now,” Wendy said with a fond smile. “Some friendships are just like that, something you can’t explain. Makes it special, you know?”

Pacifica blinked. “I suppose it does,” she said, seeing two friendships in a new light and surprised to find that for some reason that made her less jealous of one and more confident in the other. Then she chuckled. “Heh, one good thing about hanging out with Gideon is that his crush on Mabel makes mine look almost tame by comparison!”

“He makes anyone’s look tame,” Wendy muttered. “I’m worried that might be here for a while, no matter what Mabel tells him.”

“I’ll talk to him, see if we can maybe help each other learn to get a handle on our feelings,” Pacifica told her, knowing that would be a momentous task but committing to it.

“I just hope he gets over her before puberty comes knocking and he starts liking Mabel in a different way.”

“Oh, my God!” Pacifica cried, recoiling in disgust. “What the hell is wrong with you? Why would you even say that?”

“Because some scumbag gave me a damn truth serum, that’s why!” Wendy snarled. “I didn’t want to say it, it just came out!”

“Alright, alright, geez,” Pacifica said, looking away. “I’m sorry, I really, really regret it now.” She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples. “Now I’ve got the image of Gideon fantasising about Mabel burned into my eyes!”

“He’ll probably think of you too, when it hits.”

Wendy sucked her teeth as Pacifica stopped massaging her head to stare at her. “Yeah, didn’t want to say that either,” she confessed, recognising the look. “Not a nice day when you realise all of your male friends have probably had a fantasy about you.”

There was a gagging sound as Pacifca convulsed, her hand flying to her mouth as her cheeks bulged.

“Don’t remember my reaction being that bad, though,” Wendy said, raising an eyebrow. “You doing alright, there?”

“Uch - I can taste the bile,” Pacifica gasped, swallowing heavily. “Oh, nope, this is it, this is karma getting me back, I’ll never do anything bad ever again.”

“Yep, told myself that a few times too,” Wendy sighed, patting her back. “Let it out, kid, it’ll make you feel better.”

Pacifica let out a groan and slapped her hand away. “Ugh, get away from me! Putting these nasty images in my head, God, there are some days I really hate you, you know?”

“Well, you’re not the only one if you do,” Wendy replied, sounding indifferent. “Not even close. But I don’t hate you. In fact, I’ve actually grown to respect you.” 

“What?” Pacifica asked, so surprised she forgot her disgust. “Since when?

“I don’t know. A little while ago, I guess? Remember when those women took over our bodies and had that sleepover? I told you I thought you hadn’t really changed and that you’d end up hurting Dipper and Mabel again. Well, I was wrong. I was very wrong. You have changed. You’ve been a good friend to them and I’m sorry it took me so long to see that.”

Pacifica stared at her, unable to believe it if it hadn’t been for the truth serum. “But- but I basically tried to drug you! And all for some boy who you aren’t interested in and probably never will be!” she added, as if hoping her words alone could make that last sentence true.

“Yep,” Wendy replied, unphased and unwilling or able to deny the last part. “What, you think that’s bad? Dipper once locked us in a cave with a murderous alien and Mabel almost gave Bill the Journal because of their crushes. Love can make smart people do crazy stuff, Pacifica. You’re not a bad person, you’re just...kinda dumb right now.”

“I’m smarter than you!” Pacifica snapped, getting defensive.

Wendy shrugged. “Yeah, probably. So what? Ford’s smarter than all of us and even he’s pretty dumb when he lets his emotions get the best of him.” She looked up at the sky and saw that the light was fading. “I’d better go. Don’t want the others to wonder where I’ve gone and ask too many questions when I get back. So, once again, I’ll see you tomorrow, Pacifica, so stay out of trouble."

Wendy rubbed the back of her neck as she walked away, surprisingly glad that she hadn’t committed a violent act as originally intended. Maybe this was a sign that she was maturing, giving the kid a chance even after the trouble she’d caused her and her loved ones? Or maybe she was getting smart enough to realise it probably wasn’t a good idea to assault a fourteen-year old while her cyborg bodyguard was a few feet away. Either way, she felt a little bit lighter and after the day she’d had, that was good enough for her.

“Wait!”

Wendy swore, that lightness forgotten as she turned around.

“Can you give me some advice? Some girl advice?” Pacifica asked, looking unsure of herself. “I know I make jokes about you but I have this thing that’s been bugging me and I need to ask a more experienced girl about it but I really don’t want to bring it up with my Mom.”

“Oh.” Wendy blinked, a little surprised but remembering how difficult puberty had been without a mother to advise her, especially since she developed earlier than Tambry, despite being younger. “Um, I’m not really a ‘girl’ girl but, sure, I’ll do what I can.”

“Okay, great, thank you. So, you mentioned fantasies but I’m not sure how to feel when I catch Dipper looking at me sometimes.”

“Ah, that,” Wendy said, nodding in understanding. “Look, Dipper’s still a guy with urges at the end of the day, but that’s normal and-”

“Oh, no, I get that. I just don’t know if I should feel pride or jealousy.”

“What?”

“I mean at first I was a little put off by the idea of him having these thoughts about me. But now I’ve realised that I shouldn’t blame him for his hormones, especially not when I’ve had a few nasty thoughts myself about both Dippers and almost all of Sev’ral Timez - sometimes a couple of them together-”

“Uh,” said Wendy, wishing she’d just kept walking.

“-So I was just curious about how I should be reacting to it?” Pacifica continued, oblivious to the other girl’s discomfort. “See, on one hand I’m flattered because judging by what he said in the Shop today, it sounds like he’s been giving me a lot of thought and that’s making me feel pretty good about myself. Because he’s admitted he prefers big bottomed girls like you to the busty types like me, so that means my attractiveness must be high enough for him to make an exception, right?”

“Um-”

“On the other hand, I can’t help feeling annoyed that he still prefers you, and I’ve no doubt you’re the most frequent character in his lustful fantasies. But I don’t have many friends to discuss this with so I’m not sure if that’s being petty or not. Especially since I like to think that in time I’ll dethrone you from being front and centre in his filthier daydreams, even the ones where he’s thinking of us both at the same time-”

“Nope, that’s it!” Wendy declared, throwing her arms up in the air. “That’s way too much for me, I’m done, talk to your shrink or Melody or someone else! Gah, that image is going to be stuck in my head all day!” she groaned, walking away again, sticking her fingers in her ears and humming as loudly as she could to make sure it was for the final time.

“Oh. O-okay, I guess that did get a bit personal,” Pacifica admitted, feeling a little disappointed. “Um, thanks for not knocking my teeth out!” she called after her with a wave, receiving no response.

She stood there for a little longer, trying to sort out their...talk? Confrontation? She wasn’t sure what to call it. Whatever it was, it felt as though something had finally been settled between them now that it was out in the open. They still weren’t friends. But for probably the first time since just before the start of summer, Pacifica was willing to consider that they could be.

Some day.

Eventually.

But she pushed that thought to the side for now, taking a deep breath as she stepped back inside the diner and prepared herself for what could be an even more difficult conversation, waving and smiling at Susan and the other staff as she passed, buying a cake along the way.

“Hi, Gideon,” she said settling in across from him, the boy looking up from his sandwich and Pitt Cola. “So. I just had a very interesting conversation with Wendy. Somehow she managed to figure it out and came to see me about it.”

Gideon almost choked on his meal at that potentially life-threatening news until he noticed Pacifica’s relatively calm demeanor. “Uh, you don’t seem either alarmed or injured so I’m hoping I won’t need to call in some of my prison pals to guard me for the next few years?”

Pacifica laughed. “No. Things went okay, actually. Might be best if we stay out of her way for the next few days, but she was pretty understanding. Even helpful. Look, I’m sorry for how I’ve been acting. You tried to stop me making all those mistakes today and I just kept going. You’re a good friend, Gideon, and I really don’t have many of those. And I know this sounds manipulative after saying that, but can I ask you for one last favour? Because I have to make one last apology today and I think I need some moral support.”

“Of course, Pacifica,” he answered, as if it weren’t a big deal. “Because you’re my friend too and I know you’d do the same for me.”

She smiled at that. “Thanks, Gid. I owe you for this.”

“Friends don’t owe each other anything, Paz.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Don’t call me Gid and you’ve got yourself a deal.”

“Fair enough,” she shrugged, taking the cake and bringing it to the last counter. 

Phil sat with his tablet in hand as typed up his weekly report to the future, which was what he usually did in the diner when he wasn’t writing a letter to his daughter. The two milks he’d ordered for them were still there, lukewarm now, Pacifica giving them a sad look as she and Gideon slid into the opposite bench, placing the slice of red velvet in front of him.

“I don’t take bribes,” he said, not looking up.

“It’s not a bribe, it’s a peace offering,” Pacifica corrected him, trying not to sound hurt. “I want to apologise.”

“For which part? Abusing my trust or comparing over fifteen years of marriage to your little crush?”

“I...both,” she said, Gideon wincing beside her. “I know I was wrong, you really didn’t deserve to hear me say that. That was childish and stupid. See, Wendy came over -”

“I know,” Phil grunted, still not looking up. “You usually take your break inside, where I can keep an eye on you. Went to check on where you were, heard you and Corduroy talking and stayed around the corner in case she tried something.”

“Oh,” said Pacifica, wilting a little that her bodyguard’s commitment to duty even when he was mad at her might have led him to overhearing some things she’d rather he didn’t. “Uh, our conversation got a little personal towards the end, how much did you-”

“Too much.”

Gideon glanced between the now silent pair. “I’m feeling mighty curious about this little chat but somehow also relieved that I missed it.”

“Lucky bugger,” Phil muttered as Pacifica blushed. “So, are you going to take Corduroy’s advice and not tell them that you’re responsible for their situation?”

Pacifica hesitated. “Well, Wendy does know them better than us, and she’s got more experience in dealing with mistakes-”

Phil tapped at his device with a little more force. “Aye, take the advice of someone you hate over someone you claim to like because their answer is more convenient for you.”

“That’s not it!” Pacifica protested. “It’s just - I know it sounds selfish but do you honestly believe Wendy would pick me over the Pines family? She doesn’t give a damn about how I feel, she’s only thinking of what’s best for them!”

Phil grunted, still focusing only on his tablet.

Pacifica took a deep breath, guilt gnawing at her. Then she felt a pressure on her arm as Gideon gave her an encouraging pat and smile. It wasn’t much, but it was enough for her to dig deep for some last ounce of humility and compassion to say what she could and hope it was enough.

“I’m sorry. To both of you,” she said, looking between them. “You were right, Phil. I did abuse your trust in me. I used you and Gideon. You two have treated me better than I deserve and I didn’t treat either of you half as well as you deserve. All to hurt someone for something that wasn’t even their fault to see if it would make me feel better. And then things got worse and I let someone else take the fall.”

Pacifica rubbed her arms, feeling a little chill. "I, uh...I think I would have made Dad proud today."

Phil finally looked up from his report, seeing the wetness at the corner of her eyes and how lost she looked, despite Gideon’s comforting hand.

He let out a deep sigh and put the tablet down. “You are not your father,” he told her as firmly as he could. “He should be proud of you for all the good you’ve done, not for today. Hell, he should be proud of you for just being his daughter.”

Pacifica let out a snort. “Yeah, right. Why? What have I done except to cause trouble?”

“Well, you did save your friends that ghost.”

“Yeah, the one my family made in the first place by breaking our promise and letting all those lumberjacks die.”

“Exactly! Your family were scumbags who walked all over everybody! Hell, your own father would rather commit cannibalism than let townsfolk into the house (need to remember that if I’m ever stuck in a safe room with him), while you did the right thing and showed that there was at least one decent Northwest! And you stood up for your friends and let that even eviler Wendy clone have it when she threatened them.”

“You also joined in when that Manotaur kidnapped Dipper,” Gideon added, helpfully. “And you proved invaluable in finding the amulet for the magical gems. Heck, Frank wanted to send us on some quest that would have taken who knows how long! But you rescued us from that when you threatened to electrocute his privates instead.”

“Pervert probably would have liked it, the way he gets off on butterflies touching him,” Pacifica muttered darkly.

“What?” said Phil, hoping he’d misheard.

"He looked so happy," Gideon whispered, trembling slightly. "How can you make a smile feel so wrong?"

Phil stared at him. Then he looked at Pacifica, who also appeared to have been shaken by whatever it was they were talking about. "Should I be arresting someone? I feel like I should be arresting someone.”

“Probably me for dragging someone as young as Gideon into something like that,” Pacifica sighed, disturbing the former police officer further. “Thanks for trying to make me feel better, guys, but I just don’t think I deserve it. As bad as I feel right now, that doesn’t mean these feelings have gone away. How do I know next year that I won’t still be as jealous and petty as I am now? We went almost a year apart and Gideon, me, and Dipper ended up being even more infatuated than before.” She put her head in her hands. “Who knows what I’ll do if I don’t get over him this time?”

“Aye, that’s a toughie,” Phil agreed, knowing how hard it was to move on sometimes. “But you’re all still young, you’re meeting new people and you’ve talked to the person you like about your feelings. Trust me, that’s a very big step in finding someone else, even if it takes longer than you thought.”

“No offense, Mister Pink, but I can see where Pacifica’s coming from,” Gideon sighed, slumping down on his seat and not noticing the dirty look Phil gave him for existing. “As cliched and childish as it may seem to someone as old as you, I just can’t see myself loving anyone else like this.”

“Me neither,” Pacifica gunted.

“Oh, that. No, you two are right about that.”

“We - what?” Pacifica lifted her head as Gideon pulled himself up straighter. “But you just said it’ll be easier for us to find someone else!”

“Aye, and I was right,” Phil confirmed. “Listen, I’ve had plenty of girlfriends in my time, alright? I started dating when I was fourteen, and ever since spent fewer days single than I have otherwise. But I didn’t meet the first girl I ever really loved until I was sixteen. Knew it wouldn’t last forever - Da was only stationed on their planet for a few months - but we made sure to make the most of it. And, even when I was married to the love of my life and raising Mary...there were still a few times where I looked back on those days I spent on that wee planet, years and lightyears away.”

Phil shook his head at the confused expressions of the two children in front of him, remembering with some amusement when he was innocent to the complexities of love. “Every person you’ll love, you’ll love for a different reason. The kind of women I find attractive now are very different from what I liked when I was sixteen. Maybe one relationship will end because of some trait you can’t stand and then you’ll find someone who does that exact same thing but you won’t care when they do it. Nobody understands it, anyone who does is a liar and a fool.”

“So, that means one day our crushes could learn to love us back?” Gideon asked hopefully.

“I mean love changes so don’t be surprised if you start liking someone else,” Phil snapped. “You are committed, I’ll give you that, but don’t think you’re immune to it.”

“Well, I know which outcome I’d prefer, but I guess one is as good as the other,” Pacifica muttered. She gave Phil a critical look. “I suppose you’re just hoping that means Dipper will end up with Candy, huh?”

“That would make me very happy,” Phil easily admitted. “I think they’re adorable and I’d rub it in the face of all those rival ships from the future who dismissed mine so easily.”

Pacifica let out a grunt and folded her arms. She blinked as something occurred to her. “Wait. Rival ships? Does that mean there are some people from the future who want me and Dipper to be together?”

Phil looked at her from over the rim of his mug. “That ship has a majority, though I’m not sure of how much,” he told her, not liking where this was going.

“What about me and Mabel?” Gideon asked as Pacifica gave a smug smile. “How many support us?”

“How should I know?” Phil snapped. “I don’t ship either of you so why would I pay attention to that?”

“Phil, be nice to Gideon,” Pacifica told him sternly as the admonished boy glared. “He’s only eleven, he’s trying to be good and - wait. How many people in the future ship Dipper and Wendy?”

“Thank you for coming to my defense and not getting distracted by your own insecurities,” Gideon muttered, pouting.

“Too many,” Phil said, seeing this coming. “They’ve got the highest number after you and Dipper.”

Pacifica rolled her eyes and crossed her arms with disgust. “What kind of pathetic weirdo would ever want Dipper and Wendy to get together?”

“...My daughter.”

“Oh.  _ Oh.  _ Oh! Oh, my God!” cried Pacifica, her own words replaying in her head as some of what Phil had told her about Mary Pink took on a whole new context. “Phil, I am so sorry! I didn’t - I never thought - you hate Wendy so I -”

“Aye, I know,” Phil sighed with enough misery to fill a bucket. “I keep telling her how doomed their relationship is but she doesn’t care, she refuses to jump to a ship with a much more likely chance of actually happening. Like mine! But noooo! She refuses to listen to reason-”

“Not the word I’d use,” said Gideon.

“-And would rather try and convince people that they’re destined to be together! And she doesn’t even believe in destiny!”

“Destiny? Wait, why would she think that? What does she know? Did they take some people’s DNA or-?”

“No! We don’t have your records, remember? Wouldn’t put it past her, though, knowing how fixated she is on that pair. She’s put more time and effort into their relationship than any of her own, that wee brat! No, she’s just making a big deal about things of little to no consequence. Like when they held hands during the Zodiac.” 

“Damn, forgot about that,” Pacifica hissed, hitting the table with her fist.

“I held hands with Mabel!” Gideon boasted, happily.

“Shut up, Gideon, it could have been in any order and wouldn’t make any difference!”

“Then why are you getting so riled up about it?”

“Because I held hands with McGucket, that’s why!” She turned back to Phil. “What else is there? Because I hugged Dipper once, bet she hasn’t! Wait, has she? No, don’t tell me. No, tell me but only if-”

“Not that I know of. But Candy did once.”

“She - what?”

“Oh, sure, some people dismiss it, saying it was because of the that Trickster monster, but I know in my heart-”

“Shut up! That was just getting caught up in the moment, it doesn’t count!”

“Then why should yours?”

Pacifica ground her teeth instead of answering. “Anyway, Candy’s one thing but Wendy’s a whole other! There’s no way they can ever be together! She’s too old for him!”

“Ouch,” Gideon said, rubbing his hand over his heart.

“What? Oh, crap, I’m sorry, Gideon. Um, maybe in a few years the age difference won’t - wait. That doesn’t suit me either!”

“Oh, my girl wants Dipper and Wendy together right now, age difference be damned,” Phil informed them, shaking his head gravely. “It’s actually pretty worrying how much she dismisses it. Won’t stop shutting up about how age is just a number, how great their chemistry is, their future ginger babies-”

_ “Babies!?” _

“They do have good chemistry,” Gideon said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully. 

“Shut up, Gleeful!”

“Yeah, shut the hell up, Gideon!”

“So much for telling him to be nice to me,” Gideon muttered. He looked between them. “It sounds to me like these here shippers are the conspiracy theorists of our time. Y’all see the same stuff we do but you chose to focus on whatever suits your own narrative, interpreting it in the way that supports your ideas, and dismiss whatever contradicts it.”

“I resent that comparison!”

“Oh, do you now?” Gideon asked, raising an eyebrow. “So you haven’t spent plenty of time focusing on all of the little moments that imply Dipper and Candy have a good relationship but glossed over any similar moments between Dipper and, well, anyone else?”

“...Shut up, Gleeful.”

“That’s what I thought. And you, Pacifica. You’ve talked to Wendy. Did she tell you she was attracted to Dipper? Wait, she didn’t - did she? Because my whole argument’s riding on that and-”

“No! She didn’t!”

“Well there you have it,” said Gideon, calmly interlocking his fingers in front of him. “You have nothing to worry about and you’re just letting your jealousy get the better of you again. But I also believe that you can overcome that. I have and I was far worse than you ever were. And are you really going to let yourself be second place to widdle ol’ me?”

The edges of Pacifica’s mouth twitched. “Bit annoyed that you glossed over that little moment of panic you had, but you make a good point so I’ll let it slide.” She took the glass of milk in her hands. “I...thank you guys. I really mean that. Not just for today but for everything. I don’t know how I got along without friends like you two.”

“To friendship!” Gideon declared, raising his own glass.

“I’m only friends with one of you, Gleeful, and it certainly isn’t-”

“Stop ruining things and raise your damn cup, Phil.”

“Yes, Ma’am,” he sighed, doing as he was told.

“Ugh, it’s warm,” Pacifica complained, glaring at the milk after her sip.

“Aye, obviously, it’s been here since you had your break,” Phil pointed out. “Speaking of, that conversation with Corduroy lasted a wee while and then you came right over to talk to me, so shouldn’t you be getting back to-”

Pacifica saw the clock on the wall and gave a yelp, sliding under the table to save time as she rushed into the kitchen, rapidly missing apologies to the other staff as she tried to make up for lost time.

“Daft wee thing,” Phil muttered, draining the last of his tea as he looked out the window.

Gideon gave a small chuckle. “She may not always be thinking straight, but I have faith in her and firmly believe that one day she’ll-”

“Shove off, you little bugger! What the hell are you still doing here? I’m not your friend.”

Gideon gave the cyborg a scathing look as he slid out of the booth. “Very well, I shall leave. But I shall do so with these final parting words.”

“Oh, great, because you couldn’t just walk away like a normal person,” Phil muttered.

“And these words are this,” Gideon continued, ignoring him. “I, Gideon Gleeful...think you’re too obsessed with your choice of romantic pairing.” He leaned forward, his eyes narrowing. “I’ll let that sink in for a moment.”

Phil stared at him, not saying anything as the diner continued to move around them.

Gideon leaned back with a satisfied smirk. “That’s what I thought. You take care now, Pacifica, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

“Bye, Gideon, looking forward to it!”

Phil stared deeply into his empty mug as he heard the bell above the door ring, Gideon whistling merrily to himself as he left. “I really need to re-evaluate my shipping priorities,” the Irishman said, not sounding the least bit happy.

After a few more minutes of deep thought, he paid for himself, told Pacifica what he was doing and fetched Duchess from the car. He took her round the back of the diner and took a seat on a tree stump - why were there so many of these things? Sure, it was a logging town, but still - and threw the ball for her as they waited.

“Sorry I took so long,” Pacifica said as she stepped outside, patting at the large yellow dog who was licking her face. “I had to make up for the extra-long break I took.”

“It’s fine, Duchess enjoyed herself,” he said as he put the ball in his pocket. “You do know our chat at the end doesn’t change anything? You still did something wrong, I’m still taking you to school, and I’m still mad and keeping an eye on you until you tell the truth and I think I can trust you again. And no, I don’t know when that will be.”

Pacifica let out a resigned breath from her nose. “Yeah, I know. And I get it. I’ve gotten away with too much my whole life, I actually think it’s nice to have someone call me out for how I treat people instead of whether my dress matches the party’s theme. Annoying as it is.”

“That’s why we do it,” Phil told her as he got to his feet. “To annoy you. And to teach you lessons about good and evil and all that crap, but mostly to annoy you.”

“Hm.” She hesitated as he tilted his head to the side, wondering why she wasn’t moving. “Phil? I, uh, I don’t know if this is asking too much after everything else you’ve done but can we stay a little longer? I...did some bad things to people I care about today and I’m not ready to go home yet.”

Phil looked at her a little closer, seeing a shine to her eyes. He sat down on the steps and patted the spot beside him, putting an arm around her as she joined him and Duchess rested her head in her master’s lap.

“Sure thing, sweetheart,” he said,  rubbing the dog's back as Pacifica sniffed and wiped at her eyes. “We can stay as long as you want.”

* * *

_ Author’s Note: One of my personal favourite Gravity Falls AUs is Reunion Falls. It’s an AU where Dipper and Mabel were separated at birth, with Mabel being raised by their parents while Dipper was raised by Stan. It’s a fun AU with plenty of potential and the original comics have several sweet and funny moments, but I don’t know where or even if there is a proper list of them for people to check out. _

_ I bring this up because when I first started reading fanfics, I discarded stories that didn’t feature the ship I wanted. Reunion Falls was what changed that: it had Candip and Mabecifica, two ships I never seriously considered, but those scenes were cute and funny enough for me to believe in them in the context of that universe. _

_ Then I went back, checked out the stories I’d dismissed, realised I was being a snob for ignoring good work for such a petty reason, blah-di-blah-di-BLAH! Who cares? Why do I keep feeling the need to explain myself and why I write these characters the way I do? _

_ Answer: I’m insecure. Duh, I’m a writer, it’s almost mandatory. _

_ Look, when I first started writing, there were several people who criticized me for teasing both Wendip and Dipcifica and not making it clear which it would end with. Even when I explained that it’s there for character growth and comedy, and that real romance wouldn’t feature for several years - that wasn’t good enough for them. _

_ And I’m done justifying myself. You want to criticise my work for being too long, too dark, having too many inappropriate jokes? Yeah, that’s fair, those are all good points. But if you’re only here because you want that person to end up with this person...then this series isn’t for you.  _

_ Over these stories I've teased and joked about Dipcifica, Wendip, Mabeon, Candip, Gidifica, (what monster have I created?) and possibly others. It’s hard to keep track. So let’s do a test! It’s one I created for myself when I started reading fics outside my ship.  _

_ Imagine that this will end with whatever you think is the worst of the above pairings (or worst two, for some people). And then ask yourself: is it worth it? _

_ If not, thanks for sticking through it so far, but I don’t want to waste any more of your time. _

_ If it is, thanks! Shows I’m doing something right if you’re willing to put up with the disgusting image of person 1 with person 2.  _

_ Imagine them. Together. Snogging! That’s the risk you’ve taken. I’ve warned you. Now the fault lies with you when it happens! _

_ I probably shouldn’t tease my readers like this, but I’m tired and if I don’t say this here I’m going to get a load of annoying complaints when I eventually end it with Dipper marrying Multibear. Or whoever. _

_ This is my longest AN by far, dealing with stuff I’ve been saying for a while now, I hate how long and ranty it is, but I’m more annoyed that I feel that I still need to say it. _

_ Though that might also be because I’ve worked very hard this month, including thirteen straight days, at least two twelve-hour shifts every week, and my first night out in months being flushed down the toilet because of lockdown. I hate flu season. Seriously, I am so tired. Any spelling mistakes, repetitions, plot holes, or sleep-deprived Author’s Note rants, you can put down to that, that’s what I’m going to do when I wake up tomorrow and wonder why I wrote all this. _

_ Stay safe, do something to make yourself happy, and make the most of what you have and who you have. Might not always feel like it but there’s good people out there and someone will always love you, no matter what you think you’ve done, even if they’ve never met you. _

_ I go sleep now.  _


	7. Chapter 7

Mabel walked through the woods, deep in thought. Her grim expression and calculated movement was much more in line with her anxious brother, very different from how the usually buoyant and carefree girl's approach would normally be. She was also unusually silent, with no merry whistle or happy hum to entertain herself. Even the sounds of the nature she loved, the birds in the trees and critters in the bushes, offered no distraction.

She pushed a branch aside and stepped into the clearing, noting the eerie quiet as the animal sounds died away. She wasn't looking forward to what she was doing, didn't know if she was ready. But it was time to find out.

"Hi, Bill," she said, sitting cross-legged in front of the effigy. "I came to talk."

Bill said nothing, only staring unblinkingly. It was hard to tell since he only had the singular massive eye, but the way they were positioned, it didn't feel like it was looking directly at her, more to a point just above her head and over her shoulder. That made her feel a little better, as if he wasn't fully seeing her.

Not that he could, even if she did change where she sat.

"I don't entirely know why I'm here," she admitted. "You're dead. Grunkle Ford and McGucket have done their mad genius science scans. They've confirmed there's no trace of you left. Not here, anyway. You're just a statue. Maybe not a normal statue - made of something that isn't quite stone, resting on a place with a slightly thinner border to the Nightmare Realm - but still a statue. Nothing special. I could draw you on a cardboard box and talk to that instead.

"But that wouldn't be the same, would it? It'd be like talking to a caricature of a dead person when there's a picture in the other room. Sure, it might be easier. But you can't always take the easy way out. See, I can't lie right now. Not the best situation, but I've decided to make Lemon Babies out of today's lemons and come see you. 'Cause there's something I've thought about saying to you for a while now, Bill. But I wasn’t sure if I could be honest with myself when I said it and now I won’t have a choice.”

She plucked at a blade of grass, straightening it out. "I've done my best to avoid coming here since...that night. Even when I was playing with Waddles or my friends, I made sure we kept a wide berth. I kept using excuses, saying that place was full of annoying gnomes or poison ivy or had forty percent less squirrels. Dipper knew what I was doing, and I think Wendy did too. But they never said a word. Always looking out for me.”

Mabel pulled out her phone and looked at the pictures of her friends and family, not smiling as she normally would. “This summer’s been tough. First there was the night we found you. I’ll avoid that for now. Then, me, Wendy, and Pacifica spent a day as ghosts when our bodies were stolen. Sleepover was fun but not much else. All thanks to a new enemy who caused some serious problems for Dipper later who’s now decided to poison us. You'd like her - she's petty, vindictive, and walks all over everybody else. Also seems to think she's funnier than she really is so you two have that in common too. I’ll spare you the details since I think you’d enjoy them and I don’t want to give you the satisfaction.

“Then, this other time, we found a fairy in the woods and tried to help her but turned out it was a trap. Bunch of us got hit by the seven deadly sins and I hit on Gideon Gleeful! Yuck! Thank goodness that I can’t remember that one! We’re pals now, by the way. Yep, forgave him for all the ‘you’ll love me after I murder your family’ stuff. Mostly. Still a bit touchy about trying to cut Dipper’s tongue out with lamb shears and turning Waddles into his Gideonland Mascot, but I’m willing to give it time.”

She scrolled through a few more of her pictures, finding a few from the day after, when she, the girls, and Gideon, had ran through the fields in search of butterflies. All of them gathered close together, dirty and sweaty, with her at the centre and holding up a jar of the fluttering insects, Frank eagerly reaching up for it while his fairy friend perched on Grenda's shoulder, rolling her eyes. A brief smile finally crossed her lips as she thought back to the simple fun and laughter of that day. 

“Now that I think about it, it wasn't all bad, you’d be annoyed to hear. Flirting with Gideon aside, nobody got hurt and we all had our embarrassing moments so overall it was a fun adventure. Our enemies became our friends (seems to be a recurring thing with us) and we all had fun the next day. Even some of our worst adventures of this summer had their good moments too. Or, if they didn't, we made sure to band together afterwards and have as much fun as possible to make up for it."

She flicked through several more fond memories with those closest to her and held them up towards the stone. “We met the Manotaur’s Mom, told her how nice her boys have been this year, and introduced her to Multibear. She’s a lovely lady monster and I think they could become great friends. She really likes his singing and he appreciates that her sons keep giving him fish to keep her calm. Much better than trying to tear his heads off. The Stans seem a bit scared of her but Wendy admires her.

“Let’s see, what else? Went back in time, met a guy from the future, and cleared his name. He’s nice. To me, anyway. And Pacifica, he’s really nice to her and they could both do with a friend. Hey, guess who else she's friends with? Gideon! I know, right? Totally caught me by surprise but they seem to have really hit it off. Maybe it’s because they’re both only child's and have a few similarities so they act like a big sister slash little brother? Or maybe I’m looking too deep into that - my therapist’s taught me a lot but sometimes I over-analyse people and actions. Think it freaks the others out a little when I delve into therapeutic speak, so I’m definitely going to keep doing it.

"The biggest thing to happen this summer, though, is that Soos and Melody are getting married. Tomorrow! Can hardly believe it! I am so happy for him! Both of them. They're the perfect couple. Even better than I think Dipper and Pacifica would be! Which is saying a whole heckuva lot since I've already planned their wedding, honeymoon, at least three anniversaries and - hang on, getting off topic. Really oughta reign in my shipping until Dipper's ready, don't want to scare him out of it. 

"Anyway, Soos and Melody are getting hitched, and it's going to be awesome! I'm more excited about it than I am for our birthday! Marius, Grenda's boyfriend, is coming all the way from Australia (he'd better bring the koala I asked for) and turns out Melody and Soos have a couple of cute cousins or second cousins or whatever. Who cares, what’s important is that I will totally dance with them. Plus, wedding cake! That's even better than normal cake because it has joy and love as an ingredient! Metaphorically speaking, but I can still taste the difference, whatever Dipper says."

She settled on one of her favourite pictures; her family, Soos, Wendy, and Melody standing in front of a large tree each in a stance that somehow naturally suited them all. "But I'm still not as happy as I should be," she said, softly. "I keep thinking back to the night we found you. I've dealt with a lot since last summer. Monsters and cruel people and evil in all forms. Had plenty of nightmares this year and probably will forever, especially since we'll keep coming back and seeing more. But hearing that people died during Weirdmageddon...that shook me."

She let out a sigh and put her phone away. "Like I said, I have a therapist now. See her every day. I'll even see her before the wedding tomorrow and before we get on the bus. It - it's going to be rough not being able to do that when we go home. But we'll still talk online and I hope things will get better over time. Even if...they might get a little bit harder at first. But I'll always have Dipper and my parents when I need them," she added with more force after her voice went briefly quiet. "She's really good at her job, made me think about things in whole new ways.

"She's Pacifica's therapist too. She used to be this famous person in her field, dealt with politicians and celebrities but now she's only dealing with townsfolk. Doesn't even charge them much. Except Pacifica's dad, she told me she charges him way too much for stealing her work and using it on his daughter. I think...I think she feels really bad for that, you know? We talk about guilt and responsibility a lot. I think the main reason she gave up her previous lifestyle was to try and make amends for what Preston did to Pacifica. She feels terrible for being used by him."

She closed her eyes. "I know all about that."

She swallowed thickly, pushing past the pain for now. "And that's why I wanted to talk to you. When I ran away last time, it wasn't just from you, it was from myself. I couldn't face what I'd done and was terrified my family and friends wouldn't forgive me for it. But you know what? They did. All of them. Even Gideon and Paz, two people I'd been fighting even longer than you. Despite the fact that I’m as responsible for those dead people as you are.”

She plucked at her clothing, fighting the strong urge to retreat to Sweater Town. But this wasn’t the time to hide from her fears.

She wiped her eyes, not willing to let him see her like this. “My therapist told me that hatred and resentment can be like a drug: eating away at you inside but letting you do more than you ever thought possible. It can consume you, push all other thoughts from your mind as you obsess over the next way to hurt the person who hurt you, even if you know it can’t happen like that.

“She also said that forgiving can be the hardest thing in the world to do. She admits she can’t do it (don’t get me started on the issues she has with Wendy) but tells me I’m stronger than I think I am and must have a big heart to have forgiven Gideon for what he did to us. So I want to see how strong I am. Because Gideon’s one thing, Bill, but you...you murdered your own family. Destroyed entire universes. So let’s see how big my heart really is.”

Mabel got to her feet and took a step to the side, the statue staring directly at her as she glared back in defiance. To her, it felt like the sightless stone was peering into her soul. And she in turn was staring back at nothing.

She raised one hand, the leaves rustling around them as a chill wind swept through the woods, the animals sounds dying out as her index became level with his palm and she took a deep breath.

“I hate you, Bill Cipher. And I hope there's a Hell so you’re screaming in it.”

There was no distorted cackle, no whisper or pressure in her head, no discolouration as the real world faded to a realm of dreams and nightmares. The wind settled, allowing the distant sounds of nature to return, and she was just a teenage girl pointing at the tombstone of a dead monster.

“Yeah,” she said, lowering her arm. “That’s what I thought. You’re nothing special. Just a corpse that won’t rot. But if there is a part of you out there - somewhere - I bet you loved that, didn’t you? Sweet, innocent Mabel saying something like that, even to someone like you? I can imagine all the jokes you’d be making. Well, I don’t care. Maybe I’m not that girl anymore, but I’m still me. Not so kind or pure but still Mabel. And not even you could take that away from me.” She closed her eyes for a moment, seeing fifteen people flash before her eyes. “Even if you took away something worse.”

There was a sudden noise behind her and she swung round, shocked to see Ford stepping into the clearing, freezing when he saw her looking back.

“H-how much did you hear?” she asked, sharper than intended.

“I didn’t hear anything,” he answered, looking between her and the statue. “If you want, I can go. I’m sorry if I intruded-”

“No, wait!” she called, reaching out her hand as he took a step back. “I’m sorry Grunkle Ford, I was just surprised. If you want to stay, I’m fine with that. Really.”

Ford looked at her closely, hearing something in her voice. Then he nodded and approached the statue, sitting cross-legged directly in front of it.

“How did you know I was here?” she asked, settling down beside him.

“I didn’t. I heard Dipper and Stanley upstairs and assumed you were with them.” He turned to the effigy, staring at it intently. “No, I come here on occasion. To think. About the mistakes I made and what I’d give to unmake them. Do you come here often?”

“No. First time since our second night here. Had to work up the courage, you know?”

His eyes fell. “Yes. I know.”

“I guess we both got tricked into making dumb decisions, huh?” she asked, trying to make it sound like a joke.

“He always did know how to manipulate people,” Ford answered, his voice heavy. “I wish that made it easier to accept, but it doesn’t. I still allowed my hubris to get in the way of what should have really mattered. And other people paid the price.”

“That’s the worst part, isn’t it? It’s so unfair when you’re responsible but other people get hurt.”

“Yes,” he sighed. “I often wish it had been me alone who’d suffered. But life doesn’t work like that and not all the magic or science in the world can change that.”

They were silent for a moment, thinking of all the pain they’d indirectly caused too many people through their own weakness.

“Can I ask you something, Grunkle Ford?” Mabel asked after a while. “You knew him better than anyone. Why did he do it?

“I feel cold inside thinking about fifteen people and I technically never hurt any of them. And they were strangers - I don’t even know if I passed them on the street. But he murdered his family and then kept going. He’s killed countless people. Whole universes. And I - I don’t understand how he could do that.”

“I have no idea, Mabel,” he said, his expression darkening. “I never want to, nor would I tell you if I did. There are some things people are not meant to know and I believe that evil is one of them. As important as it is to find out what causes it and what can be done to stop it, we should never truly understand it.”

“I suppose,” Mabel said, sounding conflicted. “That does make sense but - but I’m still scared that it’s easier to do bad things than I thought. I never meant to hurt anyone. I only wanted a little more summer. But it still happened. And I hate him, Grunkle Ford, I can’t forgive him so why should people forgive me? Why should their families when I took someone away from them? What kind of lame excuse is that, just saying I never meant it and...and I - I didn’t - didn’t mean it,” she gasped, tugging at her hair as she saw face after face flash in front of her eyes.

Ford flung himself around her, using his body as a shield between her and the statue as she trembled and wept. “I didn’t mean it, I didn’t mean it, I’m sorry, I’m  _ so _ sorry but I didn’t mean it,” she repeated over and over, burying her head in his chest as he tightened his hold.

“I know, I know,” he whispered, gently shushing in a desperate hope to ease her pain. “It wasn’t your fault, it was his. That’s what evil people do, Mabel, they make their victims feel like they deserve it. But they don’t, I promise you, you don’t. You’re a good person and -”

“I’m not!” she said through clenched teeth, gripping his coat harder. “I’m a murderer! Like him!”

“You are nothing like Bill Cipher!” he said, his voice firm despite the tightness in his chest. “Listen to what you’re saying, to what you’re doing! He never showed remorse, he glorified in the pain he caused! He was a soulless creature but you - you’re the kindest, purest person I know.”

She said nothing back, only continuing to weep, but he felt her shake her head against him in denial, leaving him struggling to think of a way to convince her how wrong she was. For the thousandth time he wished he’d had as much experience raising the kids as Stanley had, willing to give up all the years across dimensions to help her. Then he thought of something, an experience he’d obsessed about for a long time but had barely thought of at all in almost a year.

“Mabel, listen to me,” he said, gently. “I once went to a universe that I thought was perfect. In it, I was as famous as any of the scientists I’d admired as a child, working alongside Fiddleford with a working portal in an institute I founded myself. I thought it was the greatest universe I could imagine.

“But I was wrong. I realise now how unfortunate and petty that version of me truly is. Because he never reconciled with his brother, like I have. And that’s thanks to you, Mabel. Stanley built the portal but you’re the one who trusted him enough to let it work, despite all evidence to the contrary.” He rubbed his six-fingered hand over her head, smiling down at her through his tears.

“That’s how kind you are, Mabel. You saw the goodness in him when no one else could. And then, when the rest of us thought Stanley’s mind had been lost forever, you refused to accept it and saved him.”

He rested his head on hers, holding her tight. “You brought my brother back to me. You reminded me how important family was, a lesson I should never have forgotten. And I will never be able to repay you for the good you’ve done.”

Mabel sniffed, lifting her head and looking up at him. “Do you really mean that?”

He smiled, brushing the tears out of her eyes. “Do you honestly think that, even if I were able, I would lie to you about something as important as that?”

She gave a hesitant smile back and reached up to wipe his cheeks in turn. “No.” She threw herself against him again, gripping him tightly. “Thank you, Grunkle Ford. You might be my second-favourite great-uncle but I hope you know that’s still a pretty big compliment.”

He laughed and squeezed back. “That is literally one of the nicest compliments you could give me.” Then he hesitated, thinking of something he’d said that afternoon. “Listen, Mabel...in regards to what Stanley and I said earlier, about our most important person? I know I said it was Dipper, but I want you to understand that - what? What’s so funny?”

Mabel shook her head at him, chuckling. “I was just thinking how similar you and Stan can be sometimes. It’s okay, Ford, I get it. I love you too.”

“Oh,” he said, unsure what she meant but pleased to see a little happiness returning to her features. “That’s good to hear. You seem to be doing a little better now. Are you alright?”

She let out a deep breath, pulling away from him and looking down at the ground. “Thank you for helping me through it but this was - this was a bad day. Professor Passuum said I’ll have them for a long time to come, sometimes out of the blue. And there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m...not alright, Grunkle Ford,” she admitted. “But I think one day I could be,” she added, sounding hopeful despite everything.

“I think so too and I’m willing to wait however long that takes.”

“Even if we’re wrong and it never happens?”

“Even then,” he said with a patient smile, getting to his feet and taking her by the hands to pull her up with him. 

“I already knew that but it still makes me very happy to hear it. Hey, uh, Grunkle Ford? Can I ask you something? Do you...ever get nightmares? Not normal nightmares, but really bad ones? Like, about Bill or Weirdmageddon?”

Ford looked at her over his glasses, his shoulders dropping slightly. “Yes. And I’m very sorry to hear that you’ve shared that experience.”

“Yeah, it’s not the best way to wake up,” she said, rubbing her arms. “Usually it’s Bill, or his henchmen, or the Shapeshifter. Happened more often this summer, since I found out about those poor people. It’s worse for Dipper. There were a couple of times his screaming woke the house, really made Mom and Dad worry and I can’t blame them.

“As bad as it was for me last summer, I can’t help thinking I’m still lucky. I spent most of Weirdmageddon in my own personal paradise while Dipper was out there in the middle of it. He doesn’t like to talk about it, not even with me. And I know it’s only going to get worse after this summer. But I don’t know how to help him. Lots of bad stuff keeps happening, and I’m scared it’ll only make his nightmares worse.”

“I wish I had an answer for you,” Ford sighed, his voice heavy with regret. “But I fear the answer to Dipper’s struggle is the same as your own: speak with Professor Passuum for as long it takes, take the prescriptions she’s advised for you both, and never forget that you have all of us when you need us.”

“That’s good advice,” Mabel said, rubbing the back of her neck. “I just wish it wouldn’t take so long. I guess I’m still a little too impatient, huh?”

Ford ruffled her hair, fondly. “Not at all. It makes perfect sense to seek the quickest way to ease someone’s pain and feel frustrated when there isn’t one. Still, at least this way you can compare his problems to your own, and think of how you’d want to be treated.

“We all get bad days, Mabel. Me, Stanley, Fiddleford. I’m sure even Soos and Wendy have had their share after the trauma we all went through. But what’s important is to face those troubles with the people who matter to us. Not try to ignore them or go it alone like Fiddleford and I tried to do. Then again, you’re much wiser than we were. Especially me.”

She gave him a look. "That's a little surprising to hear from you."

Ford laughed. "I know, my ego is my greatest flaw. But now I can admit when I'm outclassed. Perhaps not all the time, nor as quickly or as easily as I should, but I hope that will improve with time and practice.”

“You’re definitely much better than you were last summer,” Mabel said with a nod. “And you and Stan are getting much better than you used to be when it comes to the emotional stuff. Did the Professor give you some advice?”

Ford’s lips twitched. “Not exactly. Want to know a secret?”

“Normally I’d say you could trust me, but we’re still under the influence of the truth serum so-”

“That should only last another day at the most,” Ford said, waving his hand dismissively. “As long as no one directly asks you about what I’m about to say, you should have no problem avoiding the subject.” He leaned forward, raising his six-fingered hand to her ear, despite the absence of any nearby people.

“Stanley and I have been reading all her books to see if we can get a better understanding of how to help you and Dipper. Stanley even bought his own copies!”

Mabel took a step back, shocked. “ _ Really?  _ But her books cost a fortune!”

“I know!” Ford laughed, amused by her reaction. “He was horrified at the cost of one, let alone the set! I think he would have admired her for charging such ludicrous prices if he weren’t so furious!”

“But why? Couldn’t he of stolen them, or at least shared with you, or-”

“He could, but you were so important to him that he didn’t want to anger the Professor if she found out. And this way we could compare notes on the same chapter without getting in each other’s way.”

“Wow,” said Mabel, equally touched and impressed that her cheapskate relative would spend so much on her. “And he hates that kind of stuff! I looked at one, and I’m a little surprised he can understand some of the words to be honest.”

“Yes, he does struggle with some of the terminology. She’s exceptionally well-informed and some of her work is decades ahead of others in her profession. Still, he may not be the most academic of people, but my brother’s the most stubborn man I’ve ever known and when he sets his mind to learning something, whether that’s Hyper-Advanced Engineering or psychiatry, nothing can stop him from trying.”

“Anything for his family.”

“Anything for our family,” Ford replied, returning her proud smile. “Now, it’s getting late but I’m more than willing to stay here if you need a little more time. Whatever suits you best, Mabel.”

Her smile faltered for a moment and she looked round him towards the statue, still staring at her with its arm outstretched, as if tempting her to make an offer at any price.

She shuddered, tugging at her sweater a little. She wasn't sure if it was another oddity in the little clearing or if it were just a normal breeze, but either way it felt like another reason to avoid this place.

“No. I’ve said what I had to say,” she said, deciding she’d had more than enough of Bill Cipher and making her way towards the Shack. “Let’s go home.”

“Of course, Mabel. I just have to do one last thing first.” He took out his laser pistol, adjusting the settings and fired at the statue, the red beam arcing across the stone and leaving a burned black trail on its surface. “That’s for making my great-niece cry,” he growled, pointing a threatening finger directly at the little smiley face he’d left on the surface of the eye.

Then he turned and held out his hand, Mabel automatically sliding her small hand in his, despite her stunned expression.

“Now, we can go home,” he said, smiling down at her warmly as he led her away from the cold, dreary reminder of the past and towards the warmth and light of their family.


	8. Chapter 8

"Alright, now I have this cake. It's a very good cake, I enjoy this cake. But you don't have a cake. I, however, also like you and so I decided I'll cut it in two - like so - and give you half. There. Understand?"

"Yes," Pacifica confirmed with a nod. "You gave me some cake and now I owe you half a cake."

Gideon closed his eyes, trying to stay patient. "No. You do not owe me half a cake."

"What, do I owe you more? Because I need to know how high the interest rate is before I -"

"No! I'm not a bank! You don't owe me anything, I want you to have it!"

Pacifica looked at the cake in her hands. She looked at the slice in Gideon's. Then she looked again at her own. "Run it by me again?"

Gideon groaned. "Okay. Let's try it this way. Imagine we were donating something to charity-"

Pacifica let out a snort and rolled her eyes. "Ugh, don't even get me started on her! She'd better hope we never meet!"

"What?" 

"Think about it, Gideon! Everywhere I go, people keep asking if I want to give her money, but the people she asks to get it for her can't even get their story straight about why she needs it! She might have the rest of the town fooled but there's no way I'm falling for her scam!"

Gideon stared at her, crossing her arms in defiance and looking very proud of herself. He dropped his head in his hands. "Oh, heavens to Betsy, what have I gotten myself into?" He glanced at his watch and felt his heart drop at how long it had taken him to teach almost nothing. "Let's go, we'll have to pick this up later."

"There you are, what took you so long?" Phil snapped as he saw them rush to the front of the church.

"It's a difficult thing to grasp, alright?" Pacifica snapped back, passing him the paper plate with the cake slice. "Here, you want to have an attitude about it, you can be the one who owes him cake."

Phil frowned at the plate. "I see the training's going well," he said dryly.

"You have no idea," Gideon sighed, shaking his head sadly.

Pacifica growled, adjusting the camera the way Dipper had taught her and taking a few practice shots as the guests started approaching.

They created a rhythm, Phil checking their names against the list, discreetly scanning each of them with the settings of his cybernetic eye to make sure there was nothing out of the ordinary. Well, nothing too out of the ordinary. This was Gravity Falls after all. Then, Pacifica would snap a picture or two as they stood at the prepared background, and Gideon would finally hand out a leaflet and direct them to either the groom or bride's side.

"Let's see...Corduroy, Corduroy, Corduroy, Corduroy. Okay, all on this list. Doing pretty good so far," Phil told them as morning progressed. "Nothing too unusual, and everyone's been civil so I don't - oh. It's you lot," he growled as Wendy's friends followed her family. “Thompson, you’re the only decent one, you go ahead. I’ll deal with the others,” he growled, narrowing his eyes at the pair in front.

"Mister Pink," Lee and Nate anxiously said together, dressed in suits and looking surprisingly smart.

"Scumbags who vandalised my dump-home," Phil gunted back.

The two friends shared a look. "Uh, listen, we just wanted to apologise for that," Lee said, his long hair tied back. 

"Yeah, we're majorly sorry, dude," Nate agreed with a rigorous nod, the lack of baseball cap showing how much effort he'd put into his hair. "It was a dumb thing to do and we'll never do anything like it again."

Phil folded his arms. "What, you think a sorry will make it all better? Do you think McGuckett's forgiven you for doing the same to him when he was at his worst?"

"Howdy, fellas!" Fiddleford cried, bouncing up the steps in a brown suit, his son Tate right behind him in a dark one, a pitch-black baseball hat pulled so low it shaded his eyes. "Cheer up you little hooligans!" he grinned, slapping the teenagers happily on the back. "It's too fine a day to look so glum! No frowns allowed at a wedding!" he added, whistling merrily as he passed.

The cyborg frowned after the former madman as he posed for his picture. He turned back to the teenagers who were watching him with hopeful expressions.

"Aye, well, he's a nice guy and I'm not," he grunted. "Now get in there, stay out of my way, and behave yourselves or I'll have the great satisfaction of throwing you out face-first to see if it knocks some sense into you eejits."

The boys nodded gratefully, moving quickly past him. "That went way better than expected," Nate muttered as Pacifica raised her camera.

“What worries me is I’m the one who hit him with the van and he still likes me more!” Thompson pointed out.

"And we've gone from bad to worse," Phil growled, giving Tambry and Robbie a baleful eye. "Either of you try any of your cliche moody teenage crap to bring this wedding down and I will throw you out."

"Geez, dude, we're not going to do anything like that!" Robbie protested. "This is a wedding, do you really think we're that bad?"

"Yes. But I'm just the bouncer so I check the list, not make it. Speaking of..." He looked at the clipboard, tapping it with his pen. "And unfortunately you're on it. Valentino and Valentino's girlfriend."

"It's Tambry!"

"Not worth my time remembering. Now move along so I can deal with people who matter."

"Oh, you think you're so much better than us?" Tambry snapped. "Well we don't care what you think! We're happy and we're together while you're just a - a really cool guy who's trying his best and has really nice hair!"

"What?" said Phil, not seeing the blonde at his elbow dragging a finger across her throat.

"Wasn't that nice of her to compliment you like that!" Gideon said brightly, stepping forward before it escalated. "I think it's only fair that in return we keep the insults to a minimum since this is a wedding and we don't want to start any trouble now, do we?"

Phil grunted, about as close as he was willing to come to admit he agreed with Gideon Gleeful, but nothing else was said, though the couple's smiles were a little strained as Pacifica took their photo, made worse when she made 'I'm watching you' gestures with her fingers before they went inside.

"Why do I keep making friends with violent people?" Gideon sighed, hoping the rest of the day wouldn't feel as long as the morning.

* * *

"I hate this," Dipper stated, fiddling with his bow tie.

"Here, let me," Stan said, kneeling down and adjusting it with an expert hand. "There we go. Lookin' pretty good, kid!"

"I still hate it," Dipper responded, checking his reflection and patting at his forehead to make sure the makeup was hiding his birthmark.

Stan slapped his hand away. "Would you leave it alone? If you don't want it showing, quit messing with the stuff that covers it. For a smart kid, sometimes you don't think things through."

"Family trait," Wendy called from behind the dressing screen in the corner, making Stan smirk.

"Not sure about the hair either," Dipper added, prodding it as if it were some strange creature's nest and hesitant to disturb it. "Think Phil had it cut too short."

Stan rolled his eyes. "You're just not used to it looking decent for once. If you actually put some effort in and let it last longer than your next shower then you'd start to see the value."

"Yeah, you're lookin' really great, dawg," agreed Reggie. He elbowed Soos. "Ain't that right, dude?"

"Buh," Soos managed, staring straight ahead and rigid as a statue.

"You, uh, you okay, Soos?" Stan asked, sharing a look with Dipper.

"He'll be fine, dude," Reggie said with a laugh. "He's just nervous. I was totally the same at my wedding. Like, dry mouth, sweating like crazy, couldn't speak. Worst was the little voices inside my head screaming 'you ain't good enough! She'll leave you! You're gonna mess this up!' All sorts of awful stuff. Got so bad I started to have heart palpitations. Are you getting any of that?"

"He is now," Stan grunted as Soos stared at his cousin with wide eyes, beads of sweat running down his brow, struggling to swallow as he massaged his chest.

"I'll get a glass of water," Dipper sighed, shaking his head.

"Alright, I'm coming out," Wendy announced. "You guys decent?"

"All set."

"Great," Wendy said, pulling on her suit jacket and stepping up to the mirror to check her bow tie. "Feels alright. How do I look?"

"You look beautiful," Dipper answered without turning.

"Woah!" Reggie grinned, elbowing Soos to no reaction as Dipper winced. "Check this guy out! Smooth operator or what?"

Dipper, his face burning, said nothing as he passed Soos the glass, avoiding eye contact with anyone until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Thanks, man," Wendy told him. "I appreciate it."

"Definitely worse things you could have said," Stan confirmed, earning a harder tap on his shoulder. "Ow! I didn't mean it like that!" He rolled his eyes at the men. "Women! Am I right?"

"Buh," said Soos.

"Should we...do something about that?" Wendy asked haltingly, scratching her head.

"Wanted to give him a shot of whisky to calm his nerves but he's never drank so didn't want to risk it," Stan said as Dipper patted the groom on his arm. "Last thing we need is him vomiting over Melody and then the whole congregation blaming me for it."

"Maybe we could ask Ford if he has anything?"

"Wouldn't put it past my brother to bring a case of sedatives to a wedding," Stan said, stroking his chin thoughtfully, only to be interrupted by a knock at the door. 

"Too late now," Reggie said cheerfully, putting a hand under his cousin's armpit. "Come on, cuz, up you come."

It took a little effort, but with Stan and Wendy helping, and Dipper holding the door, they managed to get Soos to his feet and steer him towards the ceremony.

Dipper hesitated as they passed. But there was only a small window of opportunity left and he'd rather have the answer here and now than face it surrounded by people he did and didn't know. "Hey, uh, Wendy?"

She paused outside the door, puzzled by the anxiety in his voice, made worse by the pubescent crack. 

"I, um, I was wondering if you might want to dance with me? Not that I want you to feel pressured!" he quickly added, seeing her start to frown. "It's just - I know things have been a little awkward between us since the whole Wendy Two thing when she - the way she said goodbye." He coughed into his fist and looked away as her frown deepened a little, cursing himself for bringing it up. 

"I just thought, this is a special day, I know we're just friends and I still want to move on, but it's - I know I'll be kicking myself for a long time if I didn't ask. But I didn't want to do it in front of other people in case you said no, and now I feel like I'm putting you on the spot when I really didn't mean to and now I kinda want to crawl under a rock-"

"I'd love to."

Dipper ceased his ramblings, staring up at her. "You - you would?"

She laughed and punched him on the arm. "Yeah, dude! Looking forward to it. But can you do me a solid? Ask Pacifica too. She's really into you and you know how important it is to have a moment with someone you like."

"Oh. Um, okay, yeah," he said, her request surprising him even more than her answer but sounding more appealing as he thought about it. "I think I'd like that."

"Good to hear," she said, smiling. "Now let's move - Soos looks like he'll have a heart attack if this takes too long."

Dipper nodded, walking speedily after her with a lighter heart and surprised that the day was turning out even better than expected.

* * *

It took some difficulty moving Soos to his position - loud noises or sudden flashes of light startled him - but they eventually got him to where he was meant to be, even if Stan worked up quite the sweat doing it.

It only got worse as the music played and the groomsmen and bridesmaids walked down the aisle. Reggie came first, arm-in arm with Melody's older sister. Dipper and Mabel were behind them looking as dignified and energetic as they had during rehearsal, respectively. Third, came Wendy with Melody's young cousin, who was trying not to look disappointed that the tall, attractive redhead beside her looked more and more like a girl the closer she looked.

Finally, Melody came into view and Stan had to put a steadying hand on Soos' back when he gave a dangerous wobble. But he managed to keep standing as she approached and, after a sharp poke from Stan, even slid his hands in hers when she offered them, though his sweat made it a slipperyhold. 

The priest gave a brief yet poignant description of the couple, in which he reflected their chance encounter and immediate attraction over shared enthusiasm for 'youthful endeavours' as he put it (he didn't mention being attacked by a murderously jealous computer program at a children's restaurant), and how even when Melody briefly moved back to Portland, they only became closer despite their physical distance. 

As it continued, there were some small laughs and tears, Ford handing Abuelita a handkerchief and glancing around to see that see the happy emotions on everyone's face; Melody's mother also wiping her eyes while her father beamed, Pacifica Northwest in the corner and snapping picture after picture of the ceremony and occasionally the crowd. The only two people who didn't seem entirely happy were the groom, who looked like he could collapse at any moment, and Stanley.

Ford frowned at his brother, confused by his grim expression that seemed to be getting more and more uncomfortable by the second. But he put it down to a mixture of dislike for romantic ceremonies and concern for Soos so returned his attention to the speech as it drew to an end.

"And now, we have all come together to merge two families into one and mark this as a significant day in the lives of all those here today," the priest finished, gesturing to the audience with a smile. "But I must ask if there is anyone present who knows of any reason why the couple should not be married."

The priest gave the obligatory pause and scanned the church as it was filled with rustling of people looking around. "Excellent. In that case-"

"I, uh, I have something to say," Stanley said, raising his hand and swallowing loudly.

"I kill you!" Abuelita declared over the shocked gasps, as Soos gave a groan and clutched his chest until Melody took his hand away again, giving him a reassuring smile and the only one not alarmed by Stan's actions.

"Relax, relax!" Stan called over the growing murmurs and outrage, motioning for people to sit back down even as Abuelita wrestled with his twin in the hope he brought his laser pistol. "It ain't like that! I have no objections, zero! I only wanted - the kid deserves to hear this, alright?"

Something about the way he said it was enough to make even Abuelita stop trying to steal a weapon that wasn't there, much to the relief of Ford and Phil, who had rushed to intervene.

"Technically this should have been saved for the best man speech but we don't know how long the truth serum will last," Stan explained. "And Melody thought I might chicken out without it so we had a little wager. Don't let the smile fool you, she's one mean poker player."

This earned a few polite laughs from Melody's side, even if they didn't understand the truth serum joke. Not many, but enough to ease the tension a little.

Stan hesitated, rubbing the back of his neck as he felt all eyes on him, for once not comfortable with a crowd. "Soos first started working for me when he was only twelve. And at first I didn't give him a second thought. Cheap labour. Thought I'd get my money's worth out of him for a week, maybe a month, and then he'd quit and I'd replace him with the next schmuck dumb or desperate enough to work for a guy like me."

"Wish I could argue," Wendy grunted.

"But the kid kept coming back, despite everything I made him do," Stan continued. "In fact, he actually spent some of his free time looking up stuff that made him better at his job so he could help out with more. So I started to talk to him a little, find out why he'd waste his time with a miserable old fraud like me. 

“It took me a while to realise it but eventually I saw that he was exactly what he appeared to be: a good, honest kid who just wanted to do his best and make people happy. Heh. For a cynic who lied every time he introduced himself, that was pretty hard to get my head around. 

“Anyway, he never quit, not even when any sane person probably should have. Ten years that kid worked for me, barely any complaints or nothin' and anyone who's worked with me can tell you just how much there is to complain about."

"Yes," said Wendy, Dipper, and Mabel.

Stan ignored them and the chuckles that earned. "And over those years, I got to know him more and more. Saw him grow from a good kid into a better man, someone who kept going despite how harsh the world could be, and who never lost his good nature, despite spending every day with a lying cheat. Made me - made me think back on what I'd done with my life. Most of all it made me glad to know there were still good people who stayed strong and kind no matter what."

Stan turned away from the guests to face the groom, Soos staring at him with eyes as wet as they were round. "I, uh, I'm proud of you, Soos," Stan grudgingly told him. Then he took a deep breath and decided to go even further. "You're like the son I never wanted."

Soos gasped and leapt at his adoptive father-figure, gathering him up in a bear hug so tight the entire church heard the crack of the old man's back over the applause.

"OW! Put me down, you idiot!" Stan yelled, managing to pull a hand free to slam a fist on Soos' back. "I'm proud of you! I don't hate this as much as I want you to think! DANG IT! Stop laughing! I'm proud of all of you!" he shouted at his family, his face reddening as his intended insults were replaced with honesty. "Especially you for making me do this!" he added, shaking his fist at the bride. "You're a great catch and I hope you're happy together!"

Melody smiled and gave him a little wave back before glancing at the priest. "Sorry. Guess this is a little unusual, huh?"

"Not even in my top ten," he responded, watching the embrace with some amusement.

"I can believe that," she said, looking over her friends and family who appeared confused but happy. "Think some people might have some questions afterwards, though."

"Deal with that when the time comes," he advised her as Soos finally put Stan down, wiping at his face as the older man rolled his eyes and patted his shoulder hesitantly, keeping his mouth firmly shut. "Enjoy yourself for now and leave the rest till tomorrow. Ah, are we okay to exchange the vows?" he asked as the men shambled over, Soos still with tears in his eyes. "Excellent. Whenever you're ready."

Soos nodded and sniffed as he pulled a worn piece of paper out of his pocket, taking several deep breaths to steady himself after the emotional shock of Stan's speech. He looked at Melody, grateful beyond words for what she'd done for him and feeling his heart hammer his ribs again at the sight of her smile. "Woof, it's hot," he gasped, swallowing dryly as the sweat gathered on his forehead until he wiped it with the paper. "Okay, let's see what I - oh," he said, staring in horror at the now smudged words he'd spent so long writing. "Oh, I really Soos'd up my wedding."

"Good thing we have a backup," Dipper, sighed, pulling a neatly folded paper out of his own pocket.

Soos squinted at the sodden vows, trying to make out the words or at least remember what he'd written. "Uh, Melody, I, uh, really like you. And stuff. You have eyes. Two eyes! Which is better than one. N-no offense Susan. Wait, she's at work. Um..."

"Video games," the priest whispered out of the corner of his mouth as Dipper reached a hand behind his ear and handed something to Reggie.

Soos gave him a look. "Not now, dude. I'm getting married, we can go to the arcade later."

"Here you go cuz," Reggie said, leaning past Stan and putting something in his ear. "Listen to this."

"You ready, Soos? Repeat after me," he heard Dipper say from the tiny device. 

Soos frowned, concentrating on the words and couldn't help thinking they sounded oddly familiar.

"Melody, you are the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. And I live in a town of magic and wonder and awesome, awesome dudes and dudettes, so that's saying a lot. For years, I dreamed of finding a girl like those in the movies, video games, or anime. But then I met you and none of those girls seem special anymore. Not even the really special ones. 

“Because you are prettier than any comic heroine, funnier than any anime, and braver than any video game heroine. When I was looking up words in the dictionary to describe you, I couldn't find any. I tried beautiful, kind, amazing, and none of them did you justice. Not even leopards. That's how incredible you are: you are more than leopards. Even robot ones.

"I love you Melody, but even love doesn't seem enough to describe how I feel about you. So I'm going to try to show it every day. And I'll never stop."

Melody took a sharp breath, her lips trembling as she nodded rapidly, Mabel sniffing tearfully as Melody's sister and mother dabbed at their eyes, not even close to the only ones. "Soos. That was beautiful. That was better than anything I could have imagined."

Soos nodded. "She's right. Well done, man."

Melody blinked. "What?"

"What?" Soos said, ignorant to the puzzled looks. "No, don't repeat that. Or that! Dude, we're done! Oh, never mind. Click."

"Ugh, that is so Soos!" Mabel wetly squawked, blowing loudly into a handkerchief as Stan took the earpiece from him, Dipper shaking his head as Wendy covered her mouth, her shoulders shaking.

"Okay, then," said the priest, deciding that this wedding might be worthy of at least his top ten strangest afterall. "That was - yes. Bravo. Now I believe you have something to say?"

"Yes, yes, I do," Melody confirmed. She reached a hand out behind her as Mabel somehow pulled a small box out from somewhere in her dress and slapped it in her hand.

This time, people from both sides of the aisle reacted with confusion as the bride opened it to reveal a mostly eaten box of expensive chocolates. Their confusion only grew when she made a great show of eating one, which for some reason seemed to startle a few of the groom's family, as well as the blonde camera-girl and the boy with the leaflets.

Melody swallowed the delicious treat and took Soos by his hands again. "You're the love of my life, Soos. I don't know what I did to deserve a guy like you but you've made me happier than I ever thought I could be and I know it'll only get better from now on. You're the sweetest, greatest guy I know, and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. Let's hurry this up so it's official and I can get some food in me!"

"Riiight," said the priest as the couple smiled at each other adoringly. "So. Now that you have exchanged your vows, we can all see the sheer amount of affection and commitment that these two feel for each other. As such, it is with great pleasure that-"

"Actually, I wasn't kidding about making this quick," Melody said, vibrating on the spot. "Is there an abridged version? I really want to get married and I thought I was okay to wait and cherish every moment but I'm also desperate for a pee, this over-priced dress is a pain to do it in, and I've barely eaten in two days so I could fit into it and really want to hit the buffet."

"Yeah, alright," the priest sighed. "Who am I to question the bride? Got the rings? In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. Consider them blessed. Put them on each other's hand. Now, do you, Jesus Alzamirano Ramirez, take this woman to be your wife?"

"Definitely, Dawg!"

"Great. And-"

"Yes." 

"-do you-"

"Yes." 

"-Melody-"

"Yes!" 

"I now pronounce you man and wife," he sighed, giving up. "You may kiss the - ah, there we go," he said, taking a step back as Melody flung herself forward, wrapping her arms around Soos as the whole church got to its feet and applauded, loud enough to drown out even Mabel's happy wails and Stan's honk as he blew his nose.

* * *

"Everybody ready?" Melody Ramirez asked as they gathered behind her.

"Just a sec!" Mabel called. "Wendy! get in here!"

"Nope, I'm good, thanks," the redhead responded, raising a can of Pitt Cola. "My height gives me an advantage, it'd be unfair to you smaller girls."

"You're just saying that because you think this is an outdated tradition that encourages young girls to marry, setting up too high standards for romantic relationships!"

"That too," Wendy agreed, taking a sip.

“Boo!” Grenda cried, her hands cupping her mouth.

“Embrace your inner girliness!” Candy urged her.

“Oh, leave her alone,” Pacifica said. “If she doesn’t want to, we shouldn’t make her. Besides, it improves the chances for us shorties.”

"Can we please get this over with?" Tambry grunted, not looking up from her phone. "Sooner this is done, sooner I dance with my boyfriend."

Mabel rolled her eyes. "Fine. Let 'er rip!"

“Good luck girls!” Melody declared before throwing the bouquet behind her.

“Girls,” Dipper sighed, shaking his head as the flowers went high in the air, his sister and her friends erupting in a melee that scared off all other competitors.

“Tell me about it,” Wendy agreed, watching with amusement. “Get her, Mabes, use those braces!”

Grenda reached out, Candy on her shoulder, vainly trying to pull her down while stretching as far as she could, Mabel and Pacifica pushing at the other’s faces and walking backwards as they followed the arc.

Tambry took an annoyed step back when they fell at her feet, rolling her eyes at the immaturity of it all. Then the flowers landed in the crook of her arm, surprising her so much she actually dropped her phone to catch them.

“Awww!” the younger girls groaned together in disappointment.

“My incredible matchmaking skills have come back to haunt me,” Mabel lamented as Pacifica tried to push her off.

Tambry blinked down at the bouquet as if not registering what they were. Then she glanced up and saw Robbie at the side, looking very nervous as Lee and Nate pointed and laughed at him as Thompson clapped him on the back.

“Well, I’ll be,” Wendy said, raising her eyebrows as her oldest friend blushed. “Maybe there is something to it after all.” Her head popped up as the music started, Soos and Melody leading the first dance. “Come on man, that’s our cue,” she said, finishing her drink and getting to her feet. 

“W-wait, now?” Dipper asked incredulously, looking at the couples that were gathering at the edges of the dancefloor, giving the newlyweds a few polite moments to themselves before joining. 

Wendy raised an eyebrow at his hesitation. “Sure. Why, don’t you like the song?”

“No it’s not that, it’s - this is a slow song! It’s all couples out there! Wouldn’t you rather dance with someone else? And dance with me for something casual instead?”

Wendy put her hands on her knees, bending down so they were almost eye-level. “No. ‘Cause you asked me first, I want to, this is a good song, I don’t care who’s watching us, and I never said I’d only dance with you once so if you want to do it to a more casual song, you can ask me again. Got it?”

“G-Got it,” Dipper said, turning red and looking at his feet.

“Smart guy,” she said, tapping his temple. “Now turn that big brain off for once so you can quit over-thinking things and enjoy yourself for one day,” she added, taking him by the hand and pulling him towards the music.

Pacifica gave a resigned breath as she watched them join the other dancers, the sight dampening her spirits despite the happy occasion.

“You alright?” Gideon asked her quietly.

“Yeah,” she decided after a moment. “I should stop trying to come between them. If I don’t I’ll end up pushing him away. Besides, they’re good friends and that should never change, whatever happens between him and me.”

“Wise words,” Gideon said with a nod. “Sounds like you’re growing up a little.”

“I guess. What about you? Are you going to ask Mabel to dance?”

Gideon hesitated. “Maybe the next one,” he mumbled, looking to the side.

She followed his gaze and saw Mabel at one of the tables, carrying a plate stacked with food while talking to a boy about a year older, one she recognised from Melody’s side. 

She put a hand on his shoulder. “Come on,” she said, leading him away. “We don’t need to see this.”

“And then the umpire goes - but I thought this was the ninth inning!” Stan threw back his head and laughed loudly at his own joke, grinning expectantly at his audience.

Phil and Marius stared back blankly. 

“What the hell is an inning?” Phil demanded.

“I was confused by that, also,” Marius quickly added. “Also, on what is an umpire.”

“Or a batter. Or grounder. Come to think of it, I could make a list on terms you used that I didn’t understand.”

“Ja, very confusing and complicated. Know any Tennis jokes? Preferably funny ones?”

Stan stared back at them, incredulous. “What? Are you guys kidding me? I spent the last ten minutes setting up that punchline!”

“Yes, we are aware,” Marius said with a frown.

“Baseball isn’t popular in Europe, Stanley,” Pacifica told him, entering the conversation as Gideon considered the food. “And Phil told me most present-day sports won’t survive to the future.”

“What, the future doesn’t have baseball?” Stan shook his head in dismay. “No wonder you never got my joke if it’s that bleak.”

_ “Oder vielleicht war es einfach nicht lustig,”  _ Marius said under his breath, surprised when Pacifica let out a giggle.  _ “Du sprichst Deutsch?” _

Pacifica shrugged.  _ “Deutscher Großvater.” _

“No idea what you said, but why am I not surprised that a Northwest knows German?” Stan grunted.

_ “Beleidigen Sie nicht meine Abstammung, Stanley!”  _ Pacifica growled, holding up a warning finger.

“Alright, alright, yeesh!” Stan said with a roll of his eyes, still having no clue what she said but received enough threats in his life to recognise one in almost any language. “Alright, no baseball. Fine. What about football? You’ve got to have that at least?”

“Oh, aye,” Phil said, nodding. “Will still be as popular then as it is now.”

“That’s a relief,” said Stan. “Glad the future ain’t too messed up!”

“I think Phil’s talking about soccer, Stanley,” Pacifica said, watching with amusement as the older man let out a groan.

Stan shook his head. “Dipper and Mabel told me about the future. The fascist police-state, ruined cities and instant executions I could handle, but now you’re telling me you don’t even have proper football? Glad I’ll be dead long before that happens.”

“It’s not all terrible,” Phil said with a frown. “Aye, life’s tough and the class-system is unfair but that’s not much different from how things are now. It’s a lot better in some ways. Sexism, racism, homophobia, religious bigotry, nationalism - they’re practically non-existent when I come from and our health and education system is -”

“Ugh, who cares about that crap?” Stan said, dismissing his argument. “What’s the point of humanity surviving that long if there’s no sport to keep you entertained?”

“We have plenty of sports!” Phil snapped. “There’s still old stuff like football (or soccer, as you call it), martial arts tournaments, etcetera. We have plenty of our own, too. There’s Globnar, of course, but we’ve also got deathball, murderball -”

“What’s the difference between deathball and murderball?”

“One has more deaths but the other’s more murderous. Also the weapons they’re allowed and how points are scored.”

“Alright, those two do sound fun,” Stan admitted, grudgingly. “But football - proper football - is still the top dog as far as I’m concerned. Ain’t nothing like seeing a man snatch a ball and go charging to the goals while his opponents try to drag him down!”

“A bit like rugby, ja?” 

“What’s rugby?”

“I am not an expert at your American football,” Marius admitted. “But from what I have seen, they look similar enough that I would almost describe it as American Football without the helmet and armour, perhaps?”

“Football without the armour,” Stan repeated, considering that. “Tell me more…”

Gideon held an empty plate, unsure what to have. It all looked appetising but for once he didn’t feel like eating. He thought about the best way to approach Mabel. Casually perhaps? He felt more inclined towards grand gestures and flattery, but that had been his motive last summer, forcing her to agree to their dates to spare his feelings or public embarrassment. He didn’t want to remind her of that. 

He was still thinking when she appeared behind him, holding her paper plate of food. “Hi Gideon,” she said, making him jump. “Listen, I know this seems sudden but I really like this song, and I was wondering if you’d-”

“I’d love to!” he announced immediately, feeling as if all his dreams had come true.

“Great, thanks!” she cried, shoving her plate into his hands and hiking up the skirt of her dress. “You’re a star, Gideon!” she called over her shoulder as she took the boy she’d spoken to earlier by the elbow and pulled him towards the dancefloor.

Gideon let out a whimper, looking from the food to her as his soul withered inside him.

“Oh, my God, Mabel!” Pacifica breathed, having seen the whole thing. She pinched the bridge of her nose. “And I thought I could be insensitive. Geez.”

She pushed past Phil and Stan to reach him, the poor boy staring forlornly at his heart’s desire dancing with someone else.

She scratched her chin, trying to think of what she could say to relieve his pain. Then she caught sight of Dipper dancing surprisingly well with Wendy, one hand in hers and the other on her hip.

She let out a small sigh and nudged him with her elbow. “Hey.”

“Oh, uh, hey,” he said, looking embarrassed that someone had caught him staring. “I, uh, I was just-”

“It’s okay,” she told him, patting his shoulder. “I get it. I really get it.”

He gave her a small smile. “I guess you do,” he said, shifting his eyeline towards Dipper and Wendy.

They stood there for a moment, watching either their own love interest or their friend’s dancing with someone else, glad there was a person beside them who knew how that felt.

“Alright, that’s it,” Pacifica suddenly declared, snatching Mabel’s plate from his grasp. “Here, make yourself useful and guard this,” she instructed a confused Phil as he passed. “Or don’t and eat it yourself, I don’t care anymore.”

She turned back to a startled Gideon and surprised him further by taking his hand and dragging him towards the dancefloor. “Come on, I still owe you a dance for that rose, don’t I?”

He looked at her quizzically for a moment before recalling the night the twins had returned to Gravity Falls, the discussion they’d had just before Candy’s father had driven her home. “Oh, that. Uh, that was just for that party. You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

She stopped and looked at him, remembering advice her mother had given only a few days ago “You’re right,” she agreed, “I don’t.” She took his hands, putting one on her waist as she guided him in time with the music. “C’mon, we don’t need them to have a good time. Let’s show them what they’re missing.”

He blinked, never having a girl actually want to dance with him before. He’d still rather he was doing this with Mabel. But, as Pacifica hummed and moved in time to the song, he decided that having someone who cared about him enough to spend time with him like this was still pretty good, even if she was only a friend.

So, together, they let their disappointment and jealousy fade and managed to enjoy the moment.

“Okay, that, uh, that was good,” Dipper said, clearing his throat and breaking contact as the song ended. “Uh, I enjoyed it, anyway.”

“Me too,” Wendy told him with a smile. “Hey, relax, man. I’m glad you asked me. And you’ve gotten way better than that night you made your clones.”

“Mom gave me a few lessons,” Dipper said, turning red at the forced confession. “I, uh, I asked her because I knew I was terrible last time and I didn’t want to embarrass myself like that again.”

“Eh, it was funny but I’ve seen way worse dancers,” Wendy shrugged. “If everybody was a good dancer, dances wouldn’t be half as fun. But I’m glad you asked your Mom for lessons if you’re this much better. Want to go again?”

“Um...no,” Dipper decided at last as another song started, blushing at her offer and happy that she hadn’t made fun of him. “I think...I think I’ll ask Pacifica now. Um, maybe later? I-if you want?”

“I’d like that,” she told him, punching his arm. “You enjoy your dance with Pacifica.”

“I think I will.” He smirked. “Hey, since you like Sev'ral Timez so much, maybe I should get the DJ to play one of their songs for us when I ask you later?”

“Cannot believe Wendy Two told you that!” Wendy groaned. “I owe that clone big time for letting Tambry record her.” She hesitated before leaning forward and whispering in his ear. “Cray Cray is their best song.”

“Wow, you have bad taste!” he laughed, but he mimed zipping his lips to let her know the semi-secret was safe.

She returned the gesture and made her way to join her friends, leaving Dipper to feel strangely sad yet relieved to see her go. He looked around, trying to spot a familiar blonde and was surprised to see her with Gideon, the pair laughing together.

He swallowed as he gathered his courage and approached them. “H-hey,” he said, feeling almost like an intruder. “Uh, Pacifica, I was wondering if, not that you have to, but, uh, do you want to dance? With me?”

“Oh!” she said, turning red and glancing at Gideon. “Um, actually we were about to-”

“It’s fine,” Gideon promised, smiling at her. “You older folks enjoy yourselves and I’ll get out of your hair.” He elbowed Pacifca gently. “Thanks for the dance. Maybe another if you’re free later?”

“I’d like that,” she agreed with an amused grin. Then she frowned, catching something out of the corner of her eye. “Hold on. Both of you stay right where you are. I’ll be one second back,” she told them, disappearing into the crowd.

The boys looked at each other, the first time they’d been alone together all summer.

“Seems to be a lot of slow songs,” Dipper noted, not sure what else to talk about.

“It’s a wedding, I think it’s to fit the theme.”

“Yeah. Makes sense.”

They fell into awkward silence, Dipper struggling to think of another topic until Gideon cleared his throat.

“Uh, listen, Dipper...I get that you - you don’t think I’m worthy of Mabel. And I can’t really argue,” he added, seeing the older boy’s frown. “But I do aim to do right by her and hopefully one day -”

“It’s cool, man,” Dipper interrupted. “I get liking someone when everyone else keeps telling you it’ll never happen. And how hard it is to stop wanting it - even if you know they’re probably right. 

But can I give you some advice, talking as someone who’s been there and still is? Quit trying so hard to make it work. Instead, be her friend. Nothing else. You’ll get closer and maybe it’ll turn into something more or it won’t. Either way, it’s a lot better than pining over her for ages and getting nowhere.”

Gideon considered this. “I guess you do have some experience in that regard. I’ll try to take your advice. But...I don’t think it’ll be as easy as that.”

Dipper laughed. “Easy? Are you kidding me? Heck, fighting monsters has been less stressful than getting over a crush. Cherish the time you spend together but - if she really means that much to you - you’ll try to move on. For her sake if not your own.”

Gideon hesitated, thinking of everything he’d put Mabel through because of his own desires. Of everything she meant to him. “Yes,” he quietly said to himself. “For Mabel.”

Pacifica returned before anything else could be said, dragging an indignant Mabel behind her. Without saying a word to any of them, the blonde gave the brunette a hard shove towards Gideon, adding a strong kick to make sure she was sent into his arms.

“There,” she said simply, taking one of Dipper’s hands and stepping closer. “Now we can dance.”

“If you’ve ripped my dress, I’m making you pay!” Mabel snapped, rubbing her backside tenderly.

“I’ll buy you a new one!” Pacifica snarled back before giving Dipper her full attention.

Mabel said something under her breath and frowned at Gideon, who still had a loose hold to make sure she was steady, his eyes wide with hope. “Why the heck not?” she sighed, pulling him close and ignoring his noise of barely contained excitement.

Wendy raised her eyebrows at both dancing pairs. “Those kids can do so much better,” she said. But she said it to herself, knowing that neither twin would want to hear it. 

She saw Soos to the side, watching the crowd and oddly without Melody, and decided to go check on him.

“Hey, man,” she greeted casually. “What’s up? Thought you’d still be up there with the missus?”

Soos pointed and she followed the finger to see that Melody was on the dancefloor with Stan, the older man still looking a little sore from their wager, but the woman was bright and beaming. 

“Huh,” said Wendy, looking around at the other couples. Most of them she didn’t know, or only knew half of the pair. But those she did either warmed her heart or brought an amused smile to her lips. Stan and Melody. Dipper and Pacifica. Gideon and Mabel. Ford and Abuelita. Robbie and Tambry. Blubs and Durland. Marius and Grenda. Not all were romantic, less than half, but each was sweet in their own way. 

She glanced at Soos, noting that he wasn’t smiling like she’d have expected. “You okay, boss?” she asked him quietly.

Soos nodded, looking over the wedding - his wedding - and the people gathered there to celebrate the next step in his life, with the woman he loved. 

“Yeah,” he softly replied, his eyes falling on his wife, smirking at the closest thing to a father he had. “I just never thought I could be this happy.”

Wendy cocked her head to the side. Then she stood on tiptoe and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.

“You deserve it, man,” she told him. “More than anyone I know.” 

Then she dropped to the balls of her feet and punched him before walking away, whistling happily.

Soos rubbed his arm and returned to watching the dancers, raising his hand when Melody waved at him and Stan gave him a thumbs-up.

“It’s true,” he whispered. “Anthyding can hadplen.”

* * *

_ Author’s note: I only speak English so I had to use Google translate for Pacifica and Marius. And we all know how reliable that is! Unfortunately, I’ll be using it again for any other non-English dialogue I may have in the future. Mono-linguistic beggars can’t be choosers. _

_ Anywho, have a good Xmas, Christmas, Hanukkah, New Years, or whatever you want to celebrate in case I don’t update before whenever they take place. Stay safe and don’t eat yellow snow. Or white snow, come to think of it.  _

_ Next chapter’s the season finale. About. Friggin’. TIME! _


	9. Chapter 9

_For all those people finding it difficult at the moment, the sun will shine on you again and the clouds will go away._

_\- Captain Tom Moore (1920 - 2021)_

* * *

Almost as if the event had settled the valley itself, the weirdness of Gravity Falls settled down a little after Soos and Melody's wedding. It didn't fade entirely but there were fewer disappearances or attacks or bizarre anomalies with gravity, physics, or time. Of course, there were still the odd events regarding mysterious figures in the night, strange shadows among the clouds, etcetera. The worst event was probably when a bunch of kids at the playground inexplicably had their skins change to a variety of different colours and started arguing over which was best. 

That in itself wouldn't have been too noticeable if someone hadn't had the bright idea to get the parents involved, escalating the matter until violence erupted, which in turn led to the sheriff's department having to get involved. Which then escalated further, resulting in several arrests, which led to several complaints, which led to a pile of paperwork, which Blubs left to Mendez, who got through it with the help of her old friend, tequila.

The reduction in excitement was a welcome thing for the Mystery Shack Crew and their allies as it allowed them all the more time to prepare for the second biggest event of the summer: Mabel and Dipper's birthday. Dipper and Mabel themselves weren't too upset by the lack of adventures; they'd had plenty big and small already, and the lull allowed them to spend more time doing silly, pointless things with their friends and family before they had to say goodbye.

Soos and Melody had agreed to take their honeymoon later so they could spend more time with the kids and focus on business and make the most of summer tour busses, and it said something that even Wendy actually put some effort into her work to make sure they had that little extra spending money for their trip. But even when they worked hard most of the day, the others made sure the couple found some free time for each other during the day and didn't have to worry about too much at night. And even with time spent helping business at the Shack, everyone still made the most of what little time they had together. 

Mabel, Candy, Grenda and Pacifica kidnapped Stan and Ford to practice their makeover skills, something made much easier after Wendy set up the traps for them. Dipper spent a whole day and too much money at the arcade with Pacifica, followed by a really bad movie marathon with Wendy. Mabel found time to knit everyone a sweater, and Gideon debated framing his until Pacifica gently advised it would be more meaningful and less creepy if he just wore it.

After a short lifetime of several days came August thirty-first, and Dipper and Mabel were looking forward to celebrating their fourteenth birthday surrounded by friends, family, and a couple of monsters, just the way they wanted. The anticipation was lessened slightly with the knowledge that it would also be their last full day in the Falls until summer began again, but not even Dipper allowed that knowledge to dampen his spirits too much.

“And if my downer brother can put off his anxiety for our birthday, I definitely can!” Mabel proclaimed, swinging a fist to emphasise her words.

“That’s very good to hear,” the Professor said, smiling over her glasses. “But it’s also important that you aren’t forcing yourself. If you become upset and don’t want to feel comfortable at the party, make sure you let your friends and family know. They’ll understand.”

Mabel hesitated, her bright demeanor falling await as she thought of the welcome back party that was cancelled at the start of summer. “I know they would,” she said quietly, remembering Wendy, Soos, and Melody contacting as many people as they could after she admitted she didn’t think she could see them after discovering the consequences of Weirdmageddon. The way they’d all taken down the banners, swept away the food, and cleared the rooms without a word of complaint after all the time and effort they’d put into that evening.

“But this is different,” she said with more force. “I want to say goodbye to everyone. I’m looking forward to it. I know - I know it might be hard at some parts. That I’m going to struggle for a long time after this. But that’s what makes it so important to enjoy what I have now. The bad times might be round the corner but that only means I have to make the most of the good while I’ve got ‘em.”

“Very wise,” Passuum agreed. “You’ve got a long, difficult road ahead, Mabel. Why not stop and smell the roses?” She looked up at the clock on the wall. “And that takes us to our time. A good place to end and with plenty of time for you to prepare for the party. I’ll walk you out.”

Mabel nodded and rose from her favourite beanbag as she followed the older woman out. She looked closer at the walls as they walked, taking it all in. Though they’d still continue their session online once she returned to California, those would be weekly instead of daily, and that weighed her down a little. Even video calls would take some getting used to, lacking the softness of the chairs, the relaxing atmosphere of the therapy room, the scented candles and incense that helped soothe her when she needed it.

It was almost like being asked to walk again without a crutch when your legs still trembled. But she had to put it aside and at least try to walk on her own again, even if she still couldn't go too far without it.

“Here we go,” the woman said, opening her front door and rolling her wheelchair back to let Mabel out. “There’s your great-uncle and he’s brought a nice sunny day to welcome you. Go out and enjoy it.”

Mabel saw Stan leaning against his El Diablo, as the sun shone down on him. It was a beautiful day, bright and cloudless, yet with a pleasant breeze, exactly what she would have wished for for her birthday.

But she faltered, momentarily scared of the big, wide, frightening world, and terrified of facing without the woman beside her.

Then Stan caught sight of the open door and gave her a small wave, opening the door and beckoning her over with a warm smile, and she realised she had other people to help her get through every day.

“Are you alright?” Possum asked, catching her hesitation.

“Yeah,” Mabel answered. She considered the woman in the wheelchair before suddenly flinging her arms around her in a tight embrace. “Thank you for everything,” she whispered, squeezing tight. “You’ve done so much for us.”

Passuum blinked in surprise, unsure how to react. Then she smirked and loosely returned the embrace. “I am pretty fantastic,” she said, unable to keep the amusement out of her voice. “Though I'd say you've taught me a lot too, Mabel. You have an incredible amount of insight for someone your age, and I'm going to be reviewing our sessions for a long time," she added, patting her back. " But you and I still have a lot to learn from each other and a long way to go before we’re through, Mabel, and I’m not ready to stop yet. Are you?”

“No. However hard it’ll be.”

 _And it’s going to be harder than you can imagine._ But she hid those thoughts behind a happy smile. “Happy Birthday to you and your brother, Mabel. Call me, text me, or email me if you need me, keep taking the prescriptions I made, and tell Dipper I said the same goes for him.”

Mabel promised and left, waving vigorously as she walked backwards towards the Stanmobile, the Professor waving back with far less gusto but still keeping her smile as she did so.

“Have a good session?” Stan asked as they buckled up. 

“Yeah,” Mabel said, looking back at the house from between the seats as they drove away. “It’s just going to be hard not having someone to talk to every day,” she added quietly, unable to completely ignore her fears.

Stan glanced at her, hearing the inflection in her voice. “Hey, uh, people are still getting things ready for you two at the Shack. Dipper’s busy talking to Ford about...nerd stuff, I dunno. So they won’t notice if we’re a little late getting back. You wanna stop for some ice cream on the way? One last treat for the birthday girl?”

Mabel looked at him, shifting uncomfortably in his seat as he tried to cheer her up and unsure if he was doing a good job. “That sounds good,” she confirmed with a smile, easing his tension a little. “Of course, seeing as I am the birthday girl and all, and I have had one tough summer, I think I deserve a little extra to keep me happy. Extra scoops, extra toppings, the works. Might even need two just to keep me happy!”

“Manipulative little scoundrel,” Stan grunted.

“Learned from the best,” Mabel replied, looking out the window with a smirk that matched Stan’s own.

When she and Stan finally returned to the Shack, the guests had arrived. Though not as many as there had been at their last birthday, it was still more than enough to show how important the young twins were to the town. As with last year, it was an eclectic gathering that came to celebrate with them

As well as friends and family, new and old, others had come to wish them well. Mayor Tyler and all of the Sheriff’s department thanked them for their deeds this summer and last, looking forward to the day they returned and promised they would try their best to keep the town standing until that happened. People laughed, hoping that was a joke or, at least, not too serious. 

The regular attendees of the Skull Fracture, several bikers, and plenty of other men who had unwillingly been part of Jenna’s army thanked them again for releasing them from her hold. At least, those that could still speak did, and those that weren’t too injured to come. Some were still being treated at the expense of Fiddleford McGucket, who happily paid their bills, knowing what it was like not to have full control at times. Still, they were grateful that the Mystery Shack Crew were able to free them, even if they wished they could have found a less aggressive way of doing it, most of them avoiding looking Wendy in the eye.

There were many more people, including plenty of teenagers ranging from Mabel and Dipper’s age to older than Wendy. Some came because Mabel could befriend someone in minutes and had spent two summers in town, some because it was nice to have real heroes their own age or younger to inspire them, or just because it was a party and you didn’t need an invite. And as the day wore on, non-human friends came to wish the twins a happy birthday: gnomes, Manotaurs, fairies, the Multi-Bear, Sev'ral Timez, and an assortment of other creatures they were very pleased to see. 

A part of them admitted this didn’t feel like the momentous occasion last year was: a significant age surrounded by more people than either would have expected and meant more to them than they could have imagined after a summer of wonder. This time the crowd was smaller, there had been no apocalyptic event, and they'd spent a whole year as teenagers so fourteen didn't seem special. If anything, it was an annoyance since it meant they now had to deal with High School and wait another year before their driving permits. But that was something they could complain about later. 

Right now, they stood at their huge cake in front of the Shack, their family and closest friends standing behind them and singing Happy Birthday along with the crowd, Dipper and Mabel were very happy indeed and together they blew out their candles, hoping that happiness would last. Especially for my twin, they silently added as they stood straighter and welcomed the applause, thinking of how hard this summer had been for them and glad beyond words to see that they looked content on their special day.

And it was a special day, despite the upgrade to a lacklustre age. The crowd mingled, music played, jokes were told, and memories and adventures relieved. An emissary from the Queen of Fairies told them that they and the gnomes were doing well, with talks of trade between the two Queendoms (neither race understood human's obsessions with Kings), and the goblins were lying low after the defeat of their giant monster-queen (even goblins knew males made poor leaders) nothing special to report but they'd keep an eye on them.

The Manotaurs told them that their beloved, terrifying mother was still thankfully asleep, and they were on their best behaviour for the day when the Multi-Bear's would update her on her sons and brother. Sev'ral Timez actually enjoyed living in the forest, though they found the winters harsh since their tree fans were less willing to shower them with fruit for a good performance and Greggy G. noted that the wolf he was dating seemed less willing to share meat with the band whenever "Those dudes keep spilling the white stuff that hurts our feet, yo!" The Multi-Bear suggested that from now on they spend winter with the Manotaurs, who could shelter and feed them, and in exchange the boys could teach them how to sing and dance for their mother when she eventually stopped hibernating. The Manotaurs begrudgingly agreed. 

As thanks, the former boy band agreed to sing at the party. They were happy to do it anyway, but now they were even happier. Dipper, seizing an opportunity, quickly whispered a request in their ear and when 'Cray Cray' began a minute later, Wendy looked up from her plate to see him standing beside her with a cheeky smile. She rolled her eyes in an amused sort of way, said, "Not bad, dork," through a mouthful of cake and pulled him onto the dancefloor, two close friends making the most of their last day together. 

Which he enjoyed very much. After that, Pacifica sought him out, having requested a much slower song and using the opportunity to get close to _her_ crush. He enjoyed that very much too. Next came Candy, another dance he liked more than he thought he would. Admittedly not as much as Phil, who stood at the side-lines taking several pictures while making high-pitched noises, much to Pacifica's embarrassment.

He was also very surprised when a couple of girls he didn't know asked him to dance. Now that was something he'd hadn't expected and definitely marked this as a birthday to remember. He guessed the youngest to be twelve while the oldest was probably fifteen, and he was repeatedly grateful to Wendy Two for encouraging him to shower more. He didn't know if this was a direct result of her harsh advice but he wasn't willing to risk stopping to find out and was amazed to find he succeeded in not making too big a fool out of himself. He was even more astounded that the girls actually seemed to have enjoyed themselves too.

 _Note to self: ask Mom for more lessons,_ he thought as a pretty fifteen-year old with blonde hair smiled at him in a way he wasn’t used to but thought he liked.

“Please don’t?” Gideon begged, putting a hand on a growling Pacifica’s arm. “I‘d rather not have our teachers ask if I could bring your homework to your cell.”

“They’d never find the body,” Pacifica growled. But she relented, thinking back to her conversations with Dipper and Wendy and deciding she should let him have the moment. They’d both had enough to worry about without crushes complicating the matter and she wanted to move on almost as much as he did.

 _Besides_ , she reasoned, making her way towards him for another dance, _Dipper showing interest in a girl younger and blonder than Wendy is at least a step in the right direction._

Mabel, meanwhile, danced with her Grunkles, Soos, every member of Sev’ral Timez, many, many boys, a couple of fairies, a group of gnomes who clung to each other in the rough shape of a human, and even Gideon Gleeful.

She laughed and sang and danced and smiled just as she had last year, graciously accepting any compliment directed at her and several that weren’t. The cake was huge, the songs were great, the boys were cute, and she was surrounded by people she loved. It was another great birthday, one for the scrapbook and forever in her heart and mind.

But there was still one point where she stumbled, dancing with a boy who she didn’t know or care what his name was. A moment where she saw the surrounding faces and a thought tore through the happiness and celebrations like a lightning bolt.

_How many people here lost someone because of you?_

She gasped and froze, the guilt rushing her like a knife in her heart. Then, like a lighthouse beacon puncturing a dark fog she saw her brother through the crowd, taking a break from the dancing to stand with Stan and Ford, smiling and shaking his head at what looked like another good-natured argument between the brothers.

And she pushed that thought away to focus on the good time she was having right now. 

She knew it wasn’t healthy, that it would return with greater force later. But it was the sort of mistake billions of people made every day. A silly, human thing to do that would hurt her more than anyone else. 

_That’s the kind of mistake I can live with,_ she decided, knowing that she had her friends and family to support her when that thought did return, and satisfied that she’d managed to force the demons back for one day.

Because life was full of mistakes and sometimes, against all logic, you had to accept that and even make a few more if you really wanted to make the most out of it.

So Mabel Pines let out the joyous laugh that had been trapped inside her since the start of summer and danced with even more vigour, already thinking of all the food she’d eat, the stories she’d tell her parents and which she’d omit, the boys she still had to dance with, and all the other things that made worth life living. 

And it was. Yes, it definitely, absolutely was.

* * *

  
  


Lillyfillia, Queen of the Fairies let out a frustrated scream. "No, no no! Leave the acorns over there! We need the twigs for now so we can build the railings! We don't want any children falling from the trees before they learn to hover! Priorities, fairies, learn them!"

"Yes, my queen!" her subjects cried, doing as they were told.

"Don't know why we should break our wings trying to help some kids who're too dumb to fly," one grunted as they left.

"I heard that!" She yelled after them. “I hear one more remark like that and I’m bringing back flogging! Ugh, no wonder no one respects us,” she sighed, pulling out a tiny cigarette.

A royal guard dived closer to her. “My Queen - it is not proper for one of the royal bloodline to partake in such a filthy habit, one normally only associated with commoners and-”

“Humphrey, who’s Queen?” Lillyfillia asked, arching an eyebrow at the tall, armoured fairy.

Humphrey stopped. Then he leaned forward, lighting her cigarette with a flick of his thumb before flying back to his post.

“Thought so,” Lillyfillia said smugly, taking a puff.

"Hey! Lil!"

The faerie Queen looked down and spotted a familiar figure at the base of her tree. “Come on up, Frank!” she called back down with a warm smile. “Consider him a royal ambassador to the gnomes: he gets to come and go when he pleases,” she instructed her guard as the gnome scampered up the tree like a bearded squirrel. “Now, give us some space while we discuss diplomatic matters and crap.”

While her guard nodded, Lillyfillia flew higher up the tree until she reached her and Frank’s favourite branch of the tree: one that gave them a clear view of the top of the surrounding trees.

"Hello, Frank, How are you?” she greeted as the gnome leapt to the branch. “I think the lavatories are full if you need more dust?"

"Nah, got plenty, thanks,” he said, waving away her offer as she perched on his shoulder. “Only came by to see how the queen business has been treating ya."

"Hectic. You have any idea what it's like to be surrounded by people who constantly need a queen to tell them what to do ALL the time?"

"Nope, can't say I do. 'S why I work alone. If you ain't too busy, got me some honeysuckle here if you want to share it?"

"That sounds lovely,” Lillyfillia breathed as he pulled a bottle from under his cap, as well as two cups, one small, one tiny.

"Heard that big human got hitched," Frank said after he poured their drinks.

“Which one? They’re all big. You mean the jerk who made us massage him in exchange for keeping us safe in his house?”

“Nah, not him. Too ornery for even other humans to marry, I think. I meant the one what squashed yer Mom 

"Aw, that's nice,” Lillyfillia said with a nod. “Good for him, he seems pretty decent for a human. Dumb, though."

"Ain't they all? I mean, what kind of morons knock down trees and such to build houses on the ground? Why not build ‘em in the trees? Down there’s where the bears and badgers can get ‘em!"

"Can’t argue with that,” Lillyfillia agreed, having also wondered how a supposedly advanced species could be so stupid. “One of nature’s great mysteries,” she shrugged, taking a long draught from her goblet. “Aaah, that hits the spot. Thank you Frank, I needed this."

"Got to enjoy the little things in life. 'Specially now that you're in charge. Don't want you getting too stressed."

"Always looking out for me, huh? I love you, Frank."

"Love you too, Lil," he replied as he sipped, the two friends leaning back and enjoying the view of the sunset, looking forward to the future.

* * *

“Think we should have a spare uniform in your size,” Irene mumbled, looking through the storeroom. “You’re pretty tall so it’ll have to be a man’s, but there’s not much of a difference and you’ll be wearing your apron all day anyway. How old are you, anyway?”

“Twenty-one.”

Irene paused her searching to look closely at the new employee. She was certainly tall enough to be in her twenties, and had a build rarely seen in someone younger. But there was something about her, a sort of softness to her pretty, freckled skin that suggested she wasn’t quite there yet.

“And how old are you really?”

The tall, pale, redhead gave her a look but she simply returned it with an indifferent expression until the younger girl looked away.

“Eighteen,” she mumbled.

“Hm, that sounds more like it,” the older woman agreed, returning to her search.

She’d come in yesterday, to avoid the rain. She couldn’t afford much, just the cheapest drink they had, though she didn’t seem to drink it, asking if there was any work or a place to stay until she found something.

Normally she’d give them some advice or tell them where they could go and put their names forward for any upcoming jobs. But they were a little short-staffed and after a few questions discovered that the girl knew how to work a till, count money accurately, had experience with customers, and was plenty strong and agile enough for the job.

Irene had seen it a hundred times before: people coming to the big city and expecting to find their dream job, or an adventure, or a wonderful romance. Too many movies all of the above and more could be yours if you worked hard enough and followed your heart. Irene was one of those girls herself and had been working the same low-paying job for over twenty years.

Now she was beginning to suspect it wasn’t that after all. This girl was acting like another type Irene was too familiar with: someone who was running away from something instead of towards something and wasn’t sure what to do now that they’d done it. She knew a part of her should care and try to help, like she had in the past. But sometimes that only made them run further and she figured that giving her a job was a better break than most people got these days.

“Here you go,” she said, throwing her the outfit. “That ought to fit. And here’s the apron too.”

“Great,” the girl sighed as only a teenager could. “Uh, are the aprons waterproof? I have this skin condition. Sensitive to liquids.”

The waitress raised her eyebrows. “You picked the wrong job, hun. Don’t expect insurance either.”

“Just gotta be careful then,” the redhead sighed

“Keep that in mind when you deal with our customers,” Irene warned her. “Not the best part of the city and some of them think we’re part of the service. I’d like to tell you it happens less as you get older but I’d be lying. Men are pigs.”

“I know how to take care of myself,” the redhead said with a confident smirk, the happiest she’d looked since she’d come in.

“Customers don’t tend to tip if you bruise their ego. Or anything else, come to think of it.” Irene shook her head sadly at the young woman’s obvious disappointment and tapped the marker to her chin. “You prefer Gwen or Gwendolyn?”

“What?” said the girl, looking confused.

“Heck with it, Gwen’s easier to read and write,” Irene said, slapping a trainee sticker with the name on a badge. “This’ll do until we get you a real one.”

“Oh,” said Wendy Three, looking down at it. “Thanks, I guess,” she added since she couldn’t afford to be disrespectful. She couldn’t afford anything right now.

“Get dressed and I’ll show you where everything is,” Irene advised her, patting her shoulder as she passed.

The clone looked after her before they closed the door. She’d come in looking to stake out the place and consider the best way to rob it, not to get a job. Then the rain had started and she realised things couldn’t be that simple. She didn’t need to eat or sleep, she could run forever and never be tired. She knew how to hotwire a car, could trap, fight, and escape predators of all sorts, was stronger and faster than most men, and she didn’t give a damn about anyone or anything. 

In theory, she could be a criminal worthy of the comics, only without the ridiculous getups and urge to broadcast her crimes. Except her one weakness was anything wet. And that was one hell of a weakness to have. Especially serving drinks and cleaning up after a bunch of idiots. It was almost enough to make her consider going back to the Falls.

She thought of the town she had memories of being born and raised in. The friends and the trouble they got into. The adventures with Dipper and Mabel. She thought of her brothers and father. Finally, she thought of the original Wendy, wondered if Wendy Two had survived and, if so, what her ‘sisters’ were doing now.

“Eh, who cares?” she said, pulling on her uniform and dismissing them all with barely a second thought. “I got out of that crappy town and finally got to be on my own. No way their lives are better than mine.”

* * *

“That was awesome!” Wendy Two declared, throwing her fists in the air. “We rocked, guys!”

“That was pretty cool,” Quattro agreed sheepishly, Armbel giving a thumbs-up from his shoulder. “Never flown a spaceship before. Think we’ll get to do it again?”

“Man, I hope so!” Wendy Two said. “Still amazed you guys got it up and running. But if you can do it once, you can totally do it again if we find another!”

“If we do, maybe one of us should drive it?” Tracey suggested. “Don’t get me wrong, Wendy, I’m amazed you did that loop, but that wasn’t much of a landing and-”

“Pfft! Who cares about landings?” Wendy Two scoffed. “We’re indestructible! What’s the worst that could happen?”

“The thing falls apart and one of us falls, getting lost and never finding the others again?”

“The thing collapses on us and we get trapped inside, doomed to spend eternity unable to move?”

“Oh, right,” Wendy Two said with a frown. “Hadn’t thought of that. Should’ve guessed two Dipper’s would have found the worst-case scenario.

“Sorry,” the brothers said together.

“Eh, forget it,” she said, waving a hand. “You make good points. I’ll try and remember that next time. We might be immortal but I don’t want to lose you guys for a second. Or gal!” she added hastily as Armbel snapped her finger.

The clone boys grinned broadly at her praise. They knew in their paper hearts that nothing would happen between Wendy Two and either of them. There was an even bigger age gap between them now, and this one was permanent. But they were still as stubborn as the old Dipper, and Wendy Corduroy was a tough girl to get over under regular circumstances, let alone when you were planning to spend the rest of forever with her.

They came to a very short cliff, about the height of Manly Dan, though none of them said that in case it upset Wendy Two again. They weren’t sure where they were, if this was parallel Earth or an entirely different planet, but Tracey was sure he saw something in this direction during their ill-fated flight and it was more than any other direction offered.

Wendy picked the boys up and throw them up to the ledge without a grunt before launching herself upwards, nimbly scaling the rocky surface until her upper body was over the edge and saw-

“Huh,” Wendy Two said, dropping her chin in her hand as they considered the sight. “Come on, dorks,” she said, pulling herself up and unsheathing her axe as the other clones followed her lead. “This is gonna be fun.”

* * *

She drummed her fingers on her desk impatiently, waiting for her phone to ring. She had a plane to catch and, depending on what the lawyer said, a huge purchase to make. She looked over the designs again. It was little more than a bunch of lines and numbers to her but it looked big enough for her needs and the company had a good reputation for this kind of work on such short notice, apparently doing it at least twice before. And they had better live up to that consideration considering what this was going to cost her.

Assuming it all goes according to plan, she thought as the phone finally rang, bitterly starting the timer as she picked up the receiver.

"Hello, is this Jenna Myles?"

"Speaking," she grunted, keeping a close eye on the clock.

"Excellent. I'm calling from-"

"I know who you are. Can we keep this brief? I've got a plane to catch."

"Of course, I understand," he said, speaking in a frustratingly slow voice. "But first I'd like to thank you for using our firm and for sending us such an unusual case. The town charter and its laws were certainly - unique. Many of us thought it was some elaborate joke at first-”

“I’m not rich enough to waste that kind of money for a prank. Look, all I want to know is if I’m right. That's it.”

“Well that law, while not as, um, unorthodox as some of the others was still unusual and-”

“It wasn’t unusual, it was stupid,” Jenna interrupted. “But that’s their problem, not mine, and all I need is for you to tell me if it still holds up.” 

"Well, the nature of some of these laws made the situation rather complicated," he continued, unflustered by her tone and request. "Some of them do conflict with several State or National Laws, not to mention those that break basic societal norms-"

"Is. It. Legal?" Jenna hissed, closing her eyes and wondering how many different ways someone could avoid answering a basic question. 

There was a shuffling of papers that lasted more than required, another insult that she had to sit and take. "Well...as long as these laws haven’t been updated since we reviewed them...and as long as you’re eighteen at the time..."

Jenna's eyes bulged in contempt at the unnecessary pause, holding her breath for the answer.

"Yes, it would appear so," he finally finished, to her great relief. "We will send you more details in an emai-"

"Great, all I wanted to know!" she growled, slamming the phone down. She slumped back in her seat and let out a loud, weary groan, stopping the timer. "Charging people by the minute," she muttered, making a note of the time. "And they call me a monster. If I did that to my clients..." She trailed off, thinking hard.

 _Nah,_ she regretfully decided. _Don't have enough rich ones to risk losing them. Yet._

She sent the last email needed to finalise the payment before closing her laptop and storing it in her travel bag. It was expensive but worth it: designed to protect it from water, cold, and heat. She knew a dozen spells that could do all that and more but technology and magic didn't mix well for whatever reason. She suspected there was too much raw energy in magic. Which was a shame because if she could harness that, it would be like owning all the oil in the world. Still, she had other means of profiting from it and that would keep her busy for years to come.

She hit the lights as she left, pausing at the map of the world she'd stuck to the wall, a much smaller copy rolled up beside her laptop. She scanned the places she'd marked. Some would keep her busy for days, others probably for weeks as she searched, studied and tested everything she could find. Finally her eyes settled on the last and most important destination: a little town in Oregon that had more potential than all the other destinations combined.

"See you soon," she whispered with a sly chuckle, closing the door.

* * *

"Cold out," Stan grunted into the warm air, sweating under Mabel's new goodbye sweater. "Had to wear this."

"Okay, Stan," Mabel said, smiling up at him.

Stan scratched his chin, avoiding looking at her. "'S not bad craftsmanship," he awkwardly told her. "Really ought to sell these some time."

Mabel shook her head. "Nope. Each one's special to me. Not ready to give them away yet."

"They are special," Ford agreed, looking down at his own, darker sweater, doubly pleased he now had one of his own and it was much more reserved than either of his brother's. 

"Thought it would be easier this time," Soos sighed, taking off his fez and running a hand through his hair as he looked down the long, lonely road and hoped the bus would run late to give them even a little more time. "Think it's worse if anything."

"We still had so much to do," said Candy, shaking her head sadly. "Summer never feels long enough."

"My heart!" Grenda cried, punching herself in the chest. "Why! Does! It! Feel!"

"Probably because you keep punching it," Pacifica muttered, though she didn’t look like she was coping any better.

She and Gideon were the only additions to the group that had said farewell at this same bust stop a year ago, driven here by Phil. He’d already spoken to the twins, thanking them for everything they’d done for him and the future, and reminding them to call him if they ever had trouble with time travel, whenever or wherever they were. Now he stood by the car up the road, giving them the privacy needed to say goodbye to those closest to them.

“This is a lot sadder than I thought it would be,” Gideon whispered. “And I already thought it would be heart-breaking.”

Dipper chuckled. “Yeah. But it’s not like it’s the end. Just a long break until we catch up again. There’s always texts, calls, video chats. Not like we won’t be in contact.”

“Still won’t feel the same,” the young boy muttered.

Dipper’s smile dimmed ever so slightly. “No. But that doesn’t mean it’s not important.”

“We’ll get through it,” Pacifica agreed, elbowing Gideon gently. “We did it once, we can do it before. And this time we’ve got help,” she added, nodding towards Grenda and Candy, who smiled back. 

“Shack’s going to be awfully quiet without you two around,” Soos lamented, stroking Waddles on the head. “Glad I’m married now or else the place would feel empty too.”

“When you get back from your honeymoon, you and your family should come to the Hootenanny Hut,” said Ford. “You’re always welcome there and I think we’ll all enjoy the company.”

“Yeah, you are the son Stan never wanted, after all!” Wendy added as he clapped her boss on the back, the only one not looking upset at saying goodbye. But she always was good at hiding how she really felt.

“I’m never going to live that down,” Stan grunted, shutting his eyes tight.

“Nope,” Wendy agreed as they laughed and Soos beamed. Her eyes settled on Dipper as Candy and Grenda held Mabel, the three best friends embracing for the last time in too long. “Hey,” she said, taking a knee beside him and noting how much he’d grown over the summer alone. “You really are an amazing guy. Don’t let anyone tell you different.”

“Thanks,” he said, looking her straight in the eye and smiling. “That means a lot coming from you. Really gonna miss you, Wendy.”

She put a hand on his shoulder. “Yeah. Me too.”

Dipper blinked in surprise at the softness of her voice as she let her normally indifferent demeanour drop. Then it returned in a heartbeat and she pushed a folded piece of paper into his chest.

“Same as before,” she told him, straightening up and pushing his ushanka down over his eyes. “Read it when you miss us.”

“Five minutes then,” he said, making her laugh though he was only half-joking.

“Alright, who’s next?” Mabel said, breaking away from Soos as he wiped his eyes. She rolled her eyes as Gideon practically teleported beside her. “Fine. But no hair-sniffing!” she warned him as she wrapped her arms around him.

“No what?” Stan growled as Ford’s hand hovered over his laser pistol. 

“Okay, that’s enough. Let go,” Mabel grunted, only needing a little effort to pull away. “Your turn.”

“Um,” said Pacifica, hesitating. “I don’t really need-”

“Too late,” Mabel told her, pulling her in with one arm while Dipper shook his head. Then she surprised him by pulling him in as well. “Just so you know, I still totally ship you two,” she whispered in their ears. “But I’m willing to hold off for a couple of years until you’re both ready and I’m too powerful to stop.”

“Gee, thanks, Mabel,” an annoyed Dipper grunted as Pacifica blushed hard, unsure if Mabel’s threat would be good or bad for her.

There was screech of brakes as the bus pulled up. “Last bus leaving Gravity Falls. All aboard!” a shaky voice called out as the trio broke apart, Pacifica handing them a small bundle of cookies and cakes she’d baked for their journey.

“Guess that’s us,” Dipper sighed.

“Yep,” Stan grunted, looking down at the kids. He took a deep breath and dropped to one knee. “Kids...last summer I told you you were nuisances and I was glad to be rid of ya.” He swallowed thickly as he thought of the long months ahead without them. “Now I see that I was too easy on ya because you keep coming back to make my life even more miserable.”

“And I’m just as proud of you both as Stanley is,” Ford said, taking a knee beside his brother.

The younger twins smiled and stepped into the wide, waiting arms of their Grunkles, tears welling up in all their eyes.

“We love you guys too,” Mabel told them.

“And we can’t wait to see you at Hanukkah again,” Dipper added.

“We’ll try and do Christmas this time too,” Ford said and Stan grunted in agreement, unable to speak.

“Okay,” Dipper said as they wiped their eyes and stepped away, towards futures that would no doubt feel a little less warm without the other pair to guide them. “Ready to face high schoolers, hormones, and tons of homework?”

“Not even close,” Mabel admitted. “Let’s go.”

So they stepped onto the bus. “Hey, wait a sec!” Dipper cried, recognising the driver as Waddles made his way to the back seats. “You’re the guy who took us here! How’re you doing after the whole Manotaur-”

“Things are fine, life is good, monsters are fake!” the driver cackled, twitching sporadically.

“Uh, we sure that guy should be driving?” Wendy asked, scratching her head as the Stans shared a glance. “Seems a bit...unstable?”

“Don’t worry, dudes, he’ll be fine,” Soos said, with a dismissive wave. “I was a bus driver once, and if they let me do it, you know they’ll let anyone do it!”

“I do not think that relieved us as much as you though it might,” Candy said very diplomatically as the driver let out a hurt whimper.

Mabel patted his arm. “Ignore them. It’s nice that you’re able to drive again. Here, take these.” She gave him the sweets Pacifica had baked. “You deserve them for not giving up. Take your time and if you need a break let us know and I promise we won’t say anything.”

The driver looked down at the treats placed in his lap and then at the girl smiling at him with the bright, brown eyes. His lower lip wobbled and he nodded appreciatively as he sniffed, glad to have found someone who finally believed in him and didn’t judge.

“I was looking forward to those,” Dipper grumbled, but his sister silenced him with an elbow to the ribs and he quickly forgot all about the cookies as the bus door closed with a screech and it began the long journey back to their dull home in California. They ran to the back and waved, shouting out goodbyes to everyone at the bus stop as they did the same, running after the bus a little and continuing to wave even as it moved too far away to make out the figures inside.

Stan let his arm drop to the side as the vehicle finally disappeared from sight, feeling their loss hit him instantly. Then a familiar arm hand landed on his shoulder and he smiled at his brother, glad he still hadn’t said goodbye to all of his family. 

“Damn. Miss them already.”

Stan looked behind him and saw Wendy still looking down the road as Soos rubbed the back of his neck. And despite the hole in his stomach, his smile brightened a little more as he remembered he had more family here than he thought. 

“Yeah,” he said. “Me too. So let’s head home and see if we can take our minds off it.”

“You guys need a lift back into town?” Pacifica asked the other teenage girls. “Phil said he’d take us for ice cream to cheer us up if we need it?.”

“I totally need cheering up,” Grenda groaned, dragging her feet.

“If Phil doesn’t mind,” Candy said, tentatively.

Pacifica rolled her eyes. “Like he’d ever say no to you, giant fan-boy that he is.”

“Might say no to me, though,” Gideon grunted. “I recall him distinctly saying he’d ‘treat the girls’, not the girls and Gideon.”

“He’ll treat you or else he’ll answer to me later,” Pacifica growled. “Not going to let him exclude my friend in front of me.”

“Pacifica Northwest standing up to help someone,” Grenda said, shaking her head. “Things really have changed.”

Pacifica stopped and looked at them as they continued walking to the car. Two girls she used to bully mercilessly. A boy who used to be the town’s greatest threat. Now they were among her closest friends.

“They really have,” she agreed, feeling very pleased with how her life was going.

* * *

Dipper watched the trees go by, Mabel sleeping beside him, her head on his shoulder. He wondered how she did it, able to nod off in minutes and sometimes even moments. Another Mabel mystery he’d probably never understand.

He pulled off his ushanka and propped it between her head and his shoulder, a makeshift pillow to make her more comfortable and giving him a little extra space.

He looked out the window again and saw that they were nearly at the town’s border. “Not even five minutes,” he said to himself, pulling out Wendy’s letter and smiling.

See you next summer, it read in her familiar handwriting, her signature and several others surrounding the edges. He looked over the names, missing them all already. He noticed that there were more on this than the one from last summer. There was Lilyphilia and Frank, among a few others. He was a little surprised to see both Mendez and Phil’s, considering their strife with his friend. He did note that Professor Passuum’s signature was nowhere to be found and reckoned there was only so much even Wendy Corduroy could do. 

But it was still a wonderful gesture to him and he folded it, tucking it into the pocket closest to his heart before pulling out his journal and a half-chewed pen.

 _This summer’s been different,_ he wrote. _In a lot of ways it’s been harder than the first. Sure, there was no Bill or Weirdmageddon to threaten us all, and Gideon’s become our friend now so we don’t have to worry about him. But we’ve still faced our share of difficulties._

_Axel and the Cipher Cult are still out there, hoping to bring Bill back. Wendy Three’s doing who-knows-what in the city. I doubt Jenna Myles' done with Gravity Falls either. That’s three potential foes we might need to face. And some of us barely survived the first fight._

_Most of all, I’m worried about Mabel. I know she’s strong - stronger than anyone else I know - but she’s still only human and I know how much it hurts her to see others suffer. I can’t imagine what she must be going through if she’s blaming herself for Bill’s crimes._

_But it’s funny. As sad as I am to be going back to Piedmont - even though I do miss Mom and Dad - I can’t help smile at the other memories we made._

_Soos and Melody got married! That’s incredible! Still not used to thinking of Melody as Mrs Ramirez, but I’m sure it’ll come in time._

_And our birthday was really something. So many people showed up again, making us feel really special._

_There were also so many other things I’d almost forgotten about in my concern for Mabel. Since Soos didn’t work us the same way Stan did, we got to spend more time with our friends and family. Our Grunkles, Wendy and her friends, Candy and Grenda. Even Pacifica and Gideon! Who would have thought Mabel and I would have so much fun with the people we hated most last year?_

_I had my first kiss._

_Real kiss. Not reverse-CPR Merman kiss. Doesn’t count._

_Anyway. First kiss! And if I’m honest, I’m really happy it was with Wendy Two. How many people can say they had theirs with a paper clone? That’s pretty unique, even in Gravity Falls._

_I miss her. I miss them all and hope they’re okay, wherever they are._

_But thinking about Wendy Two and the other clones made me realise something. There’s only four of them. Three and a bit, depending on how you look at Armbel. But they were ready to risk it all launching themselves into the dangerous unknown so they wouldn’t affect our lives too much. That’s pretty brave. And selfless. And since two of them are me, and one’s a part of Mabel, I guess that makes us pretty brave and selfless too._

_So if they can do it, we can too. Me and Mabel together. With the help of everyone else, of course._

_And nothing in the world will be able to tear us apart._

“Oh, you were so young and so, so naïve,” the Cipher Cult Leader sighed. She closed the journal and poured herself a glass of something strong and expensive as she walked over to the window and looked out at the future city. “Nothing in the world, huh?” She sipped her drink and smirked. “Wait until you get a load of me.”

* * *

THE END OF SECOND SUMMER


End file.
